Awkward shopping situation. Help

[Kells93]

It's my birthday coming up. A friend has very kindly bought me a gift card for a clothes shop I like. We're meeting up for tea later on and I'm going to spend the gift card in the shop which is close to the pub we're going to.

The problem is I hate clothes shopping with other people. I like to browse at my leisure. I'm surprised he (It's a male friend, platonic) wants to drag himself around a woman's clothes shop for two hours but alas he does and is actually looking forward to it

I feel so awkward when people are with me when I'm buying clothes. I feel pressured not to browse for too long and don't enjoy the experience at all. I end up buying stuff I usually wouldn't, or not buying what I actually want.

Help me get out of it without coming across as rude or ungrateful. I do want to use the gift card today as I don't have many opportunities to go shopping (kids and work)

Do I be honest and say I feel awkward and why doesn't he have a few pints and we'll meet back up afterwards?

WWYS?

@Kells93

We've known one another for 10 years, I shouldn't feel so awkward about being direct should I? It's so annoying, only my immediate family get the 'no nonsense' me

I'm on the train now. Eee.

Consider yourself lucky if your family get you. I have this present-nonsense with family and hate it. Feels manipulating to me.

@Lavender24

Just be honest. "I'm so grateful for the gift card and I don't want you to take this personally but I like to browse and shop alone. Would you mind if we met up afterwards for drinks and I'll show you what I bought?"

Yes this.

It’s very odd he’s forcing it - it’s not what you do.

[quote Hellocatshome]@Tothemoonandbackx
I dont think so. Controlling or having an influence on what someone wears is often one of the first steps in a controlling relationship and even without that part if someone gave me a gift card then wanted to be there when I spent it I would be a bit [/quote]

Resisting the urge to hand out a cookie to you

I don’t agree that this is controlling, he’s a man and all he’s probably thinking is that women like to shop. If he was controlling he would have bought the clothes for OP.

Just tell him how you feel. He sounds very much like a friend I have, I don’t mind shopping with him but I probably would feel a bit awkward shopping for clothes, especially whilst using a gift card he had given me. Maybe just send him off to a different shop whilst you shop alone or send him for a drink. I’m sure he will understand if you explain? You can still shops him what you have bought afterwards (if he is interested).

Just be honest with the guy, and tell him that you prefer to shop alone for a while, which is a true request. M ost women like to spend some time browsing for clothes,and then trying them on, and not having to worry about a time schedule for doing so.

Most men hate this unless they think they need to do it because the woman cannot buy for herself ''properly''. Tell him you only buy online now because since covid you are agoraphobic/very stressed in shops, prefer to take your time AND of course point out - it's so boring for him. I would refuse this gift.

Too late now I assume, but I'd probably buy accessories that I could return for credit in a day or two, then shop for what I really wanted.

Or I'd accept the card gratefully and say "You are so lovely to want to shop with me, but I'd really like to wait until I get back to my usual size before I buy clothes. Let's just have a pint and then browse around some shops".

@Eightiesfan

I don’t agree that this is controlling, he’s a man and all he’s probably thinking is that women like to shop. If he was controlling he would have bought the clothes for OP.

Is it really a sign of controlling behaviour? My BIL buys clothes for my sister. I've always found it very odd. He doesn't buy all her clothes but buys them for her birthday and Christmas. He chooses very middle aged clothes - skirt and matching tops. I've joked before that she may not like the clothes but she always insists that she does and seems pleased, if anything. It IS odd though isn't it.

2 hours in one shop?! I don’t even spend that long in somewhere as huge as ikea. Just forget the card and go another time.

How on earth do you know you'll be two hours?!?

I don't think it's controlling either. But also wouldn't like it

The last couple of times I've been there, alone, I've been about an hour and half. It's huge.

I decided not to say much in the end beyond offering the option to go and sit down. He said how much he'd been looking forward to the shopping trip. Bless him.

It was alright in the end. I deliberately didn't rush myself though. I figured if he got bored he could go and wait in the in store coffee shop or pub next door.

This is 100 perfect a control and/or fetish thing and you are extremely naive if you believe otherwise.

Clothes voucher for a friend - lovely

Expecting you to spend it whilst they watch and browse around a women’s clothes shop for 2 hours- fucking weird

@Suprima

This is 100 perfect a control and/or fetish thing and you are extremely naive if you believe otherwise.

Clothes voucher for a friend - lovely

Expecting you to spend it whilst they watch and browse around a women’s clothes shop for 2 hours- fucking weird

We live quite a distance away from one another, he suggested it would be a nice way to spend the day. I really don't believe there was any dodgy undertone to it. He didn't ask me to model the clothes for him 😂

He takes his daughter on shopping trips too. He probably thought I would appreciate having him there as company and somebody to hold the bags. He's a lovely person not at all sinister.