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Original poster

Awkward shopping situation. Help

64 replies

Kells93 · 06/03/2022 11:46

It's my birthday coming up. A friend has very kindly bought me a gift card for a clothes shop I like. We're meeting up for tea later on and I'm going to spend the gift card in the shop which is close to the pub we're going to.

The problem is I hate clothes shopping with other people. I like to browse at my leisure. I'm surprised he (It's a male friend, platonic) wants to drag himself around a woman's clothes shop for two hours but alas he does and is actually looking forward to it Confused

I feel so awkward when people are with me when I'm buying clothes. I feel pressured not to browse for too long and don't enjoy the experience at all. I end up buying stuff I usually wouldn't, or not buying what I actually want.

Help me get out of it without coming across as rude or ungrateful. I do want to use the gift card today as I don't have many opportunities to go shopping (kids and work)

Do I be honest and say I feel awkward and why doesn't he have a few pints and we'll meet back up afterwards?

WWYS?

OP posts:
jytdtysrht · 06/03/2022 12:58

I’d look online first so you know what to get.

Original poster
Kells93 · 06/03/2022 12:59

I should have said in my OP, it's today we're meeting up and he has the gift card with him. A physical gift card lol.

I'm waiting for the train now

OP posts:
Original poster
Kells93 · 06/03/2022 13:00

@MrsLargeEmbodied

from experience i dont think this is the right time of year
How so?
OP posts:
Topseyt · 06/03/2022 13:05

@Kells93

I should have said in my OP, it's today we're meeting up and he has the gift card with him. A physical gift card lol.

I'm waiting for the train now

So have one drink, get the gift card and then arrange to meet back at the pub later.

There's no harm in having your own style of shopping and making it clear that you shop much better and more happily alone. Plenty of people are like that.

Original poster
Kells93 · 06/03/2022 13:06

It's a huge shop, the one I'm going to, so even if I pick a few bits online it's still going to take a while to find them in the store, try them on etc.

I had major surgery a few months ago and have piled on a bit of weight, so i don't particularly want to advertise what size I wear etc.

Clothes shopping is just quite personal, isn't it?

I wish I sorted this beforehand. So annoyed with myself.

OP posts:
GreenClock · 06/03/2022 13:07

Could you buy a bag or some earrings?

Original poster
Kells93 · 06/03/2022 13:07

Yes I'll do that Tops. Thank you.

I feel so awkward being direct. I'm a people pleaser and cause myself alot of unnecessary stress.

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 06/03/2022 13:16

I would really hate having to shop for clothes with him hanging around. What does he think you're going to get out of that?!

Original poster
Kells93 · 06/03/2022 13:20

@HollowTalk

I would really hate having to shop for clothes with him hanging around. What does he think you're going to get out of that?!
A lovely shopping experience I bet Grin

He's been single for 100 years and really doesn't get women, bless him.

OP posts:
Tdcp · 06/03/2022 13:23

Can you tell him you really need some new underwear and would rather shop for that alone 😂 bless him he sounds so thoughtful but I'd also find the idea extremely awkward!

MoiraNotRuby · 06/03/2022 13:25

@Hellocatshome

Are you sure he sees it as platonic? Wanting to come clothes shopping with you while you spend the gift card he gave you as a present seems a bit controlling to me.
This x 1 billion

I am getting the ick from this man just reading the OP.

Happy Birthday 🎂

Imabitbusyatthemoment · 06/03/2022 13:27

I would feel the same - the pressure! 😄 But if he is a good enough friend to buy you the gift, surely you can just be honest with him and say you don’t feel comfortable clothes shopping with other people.

Original poster
Kells93 · 06/03/2022 13:29

We've known one another for 10 years, I shouldn't feel so awkward about being direct should I? It's so annoying, only my immediate family get the 'no nonsense' me Blush

I'm on the train now. Eee.

OP posts:
Prescottdanni123 · 06/03/2022 13:31

@Hellocatshome

I have a male platonic friend who gives me gift cards and likes to come shopping with me to spend it. Absolutely nothing controlling in it. I find it quite sweet actually. Nothing romantic in it either.

Tdcp · 06/03/2022 13:34

If you don't want to be direct maybe say you have a headache and you'd rather go for food / drink instead if he doesn't mind? Good luck op!

Original poster
Kells93 · 06/03/2022 13:34

Do people really think it's controlling? I never saw it that way. As I said he does the same with his daughter.

Perhaps he can't bare to think of me bumbling around the shop on my own carrying an overflowing basket and thinks he's doing me a favour Grin

We've had a wander round some shops before btw, just a browse round Debenhams way back when. I gently suggested he go and grab a coffee whilst I browse and get a few bits and he wouldn't hear of it. Oh no that's ok I don't mind, he said. I think he actually likes shopping.

Will def need to be direct.

OP posts:
Topseyt · 06/03/2022 13:40

Unless he tries to dictate what you buy then it is not controlling.

If you are happier as a solo shopper then say so.

Jumpalicious · 06/03/2022 13:48

@Kells93 if it’s a department store then could you get beauty stuff instead (rave how much you want it) eg posh bath stuff/fancy makeup. You might enjoy that more than clothes shopping — no stress of being pressured/discussing clothes sizes etc. Happy bday!

Jumpalicious · 06/03/2022 13:49

Or, yeah, accessories as a pp said!!!

Lurking9to5 · 06/03/2022 13:49

I know what you mean, I can't tell as easily if I really like something or not if a friend is there saying ''oh this would suit you''. Well. That's not true. To be honest I just feel I have to make an ''oh I'm considering out this would suit me!'' face for 5 seconds before I can put it back on the rail.

TatianaBis · 06/03/2022 13:58

@Kells93

Do people really think it's controlling? I never saw it that way. As I said he does the same with his daughter.

Perhaps he can't bare to think of me bumbling around the shop on my own carrying an overflowing basket and thinks he's doing me a favour Grin

We've had a wander round some shops before btw, just a browse round Debenhams way back when. I gently suggested he go and grab a coffee whilst I browse and get a few bits and he wouldn't hear of it. Oh no that's ok I don't mind, he said. I think he actually likes shopping.

Will def need to be direct.

Don’t be direct over a gift. He obviously wants to go shopping with you so just play along and don’t buy anything today if you don’t want to.
Hawkins001 · 06/03/2022 14:19

I like clothes due to fashion types and styles ect, plus the psychological side of fashion too.
That said when I shopping I need a list so it's get x,x,x etc, if I'm on my own I can focus longer on different areas. Overall I prefer the company when shopping but know I have to be military minded.

middlingnot · 06/03/2022 14:20

How much is he giving you? Surely you don't have to spend it all today? If he's insisting on accompanying you and seeing that you spend it all it does seem a bit pushy like it's partly about what he wants. But then if he doesn't know this about you (that you prefer to shop alone) then you either tell him or use one of the ruses suggested to you by PP.

Hawkins001 · 06/03/2022 14:21

@Kells93

It's my birthday coming up. A friend has very kindly bought me a gift card for a clothes shop I like. We're meeting up for tea later on and I'm going to spend the gift card in the shop which is close to the pub we're going to.

The problem is I hate clothes shopping with other people. I like to browse at my leisure. I'm surprised he (It's a male friend, platonic) wants to drag himself around a woman's clothes shop for two hours but alas he does and is actually looking forward to it Confused

I feel so awkward when people are with me when I'm buying clothes. I feel pressured not to browse for too long and don't enjoy the experience at all. I end up buying stuff I usually wouldn't, or not buying what I actually want.

Help me get out of it without coming across as rude or ungrateful. I do want to use the gift card today as I don't have many opportunities to go shopping (kids and work)

Do I be honest and say I feel awkward and why doesn't he have a few pints and we'll meet back up afterwards?

WWYS?

Could you scout the products a couple of days before so you know the items you want, then it's just get x,x,x when with the person ?
katepilar · 06/03/2022 14:21

This would send my anxiety and anger through the roof. The friend has requested to come shopping with you? I would hate anyone to come shopping with me, let alone someone who wants to pay for it.

Hopefully its all innocent as some people would enjoy that but makes me feel uneasy just reading about it. If someone wants to be nice and helpful to me, then they need to do it the way I like or its just them wanting to feel good in my eyes.

In your shoes I might need several visits to the shop to find something l like. I cant shop on demand, bad enough if I really badly need something myself. Sometimes I feel I cant stay in a shop after 5 mins.