My DH's parenting is unlimited TV and no homework

[pitstoppop]

My DH thinks that it's fine for the kids to watch TV all day and then suggests iPads at a restaurant tonight, ( rare early evening trip out to eat, not particularly kids friendly and of course arranged by DH with his family.) As I brought things I feel they don't need more screens, I'm relatively easy going about kids out, but they shouldn't run about. The issue is they do mess around as they know Daddy will dish out the screens to save the day

I think the kids screen time should be limited. I think they have over generous amounts as it is, as I need to work and get sh@t down like clean the house. I get very annoyed if I am nagged for more. They watch enough already, they have lovely toys they don't play with.

I think DH is the most lazy parent who never does anything with the kids, never would suggest reading or helping with spellings or playing a game with them . Perish the thought he might take them out somewhere at the weekend without me. Or even come with us on a trip out. I just despair at how he just couldn't care less how the kids are or about their homework or them getting fresh air. He was a nice kind person before we had kids, now I don't recognise him.

AIBU or is it find for kids to watch TV all weekend if that's what they want as it's their break from school?

Why did he make kids if he doesn’t give a shit about them? Weird. How do you plan to help them cope with the effects of having a disinterested ‘father’?

(I mean, I know I would despise being a parent, so I happily and carefully ensure I do not breed. Not difficult at all, and no one is harmed. Your bloke is damaging your kids by demonstrating that he’s not interested in them. How long will you accept that?)

Screens in a not so child friendly restaurant / pick your battles as that is surely less stressful for everyone?

He isn’t going to change so decide what you want your future to look like.

How old are your DC?

I’d have left him by no. Sounds like a horrible environment, your poor kids. How many years has this been going on?

How old are your children? Surely you knew he was lazy straight after the first

I used to be against screens when out in a restaurant but now I'm ok with it and had to let that rule go if I ever wanted to eat a nice dinner out. My dc are not that fussed about screens anyway but thats not the point.

The other stuff would really annoy me and I too would be questioning my relationship. What does your dh say when you tell him this? He's lazy and can't be bothered to parent which is rubbish for you and the dc.

How old are your children? If they're old enough for regular homework they're old enough to behave appropriately in a restaurant without tablets.

If they're not, he needs to arrange more suitable restaurants.

Does he just not give a shit? Your household sounds miserable because of him OP.

Oh ffs. Stop with the 'how didn't you know'? She already said he was totally different before. Parenting is totally different to anything else you might do, barring maybe multiple pets who need good training. Loads of people turn out not to be the kind of parent they thought they'd be, so how are you meant to accurately predict it in someone else? OP, he won't change unless you give him a reason to, or pursuade him that his approach is wrong. So you either do that, put up with it and compensate by doing it all yourself or leave and accept that whatever % of time they have with him will likely be like this.. But that might be a very small % from the look of it.

It’s bad for them and there’s plenty of evidence - do a Google.

Think about how else this could be managed and have a serious chat with him (ideally avoiding the word lazy, although I’m sure you’re right). Screens in a restaurant is poor if they are of homework age.

Sounds exactly like my husband sadly. I work ft and am the breadwinner. I'm pretty sure the kids just go straight onto computer games the moment they get home from school and they're still on them when I get back. He also won't go anywhere without me. It's kind of pathetic but not sure what I can do short of divorcing him, which would destroy the kids quite frankly.

BFF husband was/is like this and they’re now suffering the consequences of a kid who is doing badly at school, refuses to do any exercise or take part ins sport and is very overweight now and on programme for that with school, and who is absolutely obsessed with tv, gaming and screens.
Limited screen time for kids is essential- they have so much to learn and experience and if they have a screen available they just won’t read, play, use their imagination,
Go do other stuff.
I feel for you - my BFF really tries to impose limits and bedtimes and rules but is constantly undermined by her lazy slacker husband.

Screens in restaurants drive me mad. If you can’t get through a meal together without screens then there’s something wrong. It does mean sitting and talking with your kids, or bringing stuff for them to do though and sound like your DH isn’t the kind of person to sit and play Dobble with his kids or do Legonor whatever at the dinner table.

@Cripesitsthegasman19

Sounds exactly like my husband sadly. I work ft and am the breadwinner. I'm pretty sure the kids just go straight onto computer games the moment they get home from school and they're still on them when I get back. He also won't go anywhere without me. It's kind of pathetic but not sure what I can do short of divorcing him, which would destroy the kids quite frankly.

Divorcing him would be a lot better for their developing brains though.

He sounds like a lazy, selfish man.

Screens in a restaurant wouldn't bother me if it's a long slow meal and the parents want to actually enjoy their food and chat. Unless you eat out very often, it's not a huge amount of screen time.

At home all day every day is a different matter - that is where they will really miss out on doing other stuff. I can't pretend it isn't a constant battle here, but you have to stay firm.

Divorcing him would be a lot better for their developing brains though.

I disagree about this! The trauma of parental divorce is surely more damaging.

@Lovelteers

Screens in restaurants drive me mad. If you can’t get through a meal together without screens then there’s something wrong. It does mean sitting and talking with your kids, or bringing stuff for them to do though and sound like your DH isn’t the kind of person to sit and play Dobble with his kids or do Legonor whatever at the dinner table.

Depends on the age of the kid- fact is most other people on a restaurant would prefer a quiet child to a crying 2 year old who just wants to get down and run around.

@TheYearOfSmallThings

Divorcing him would be a lot better for their developing brains though.

I disagree about this! The trauma of parental divorce is surely more damaging.

Parental divorce isn't traumatising. Shit, lazy, absent parents are.

Might be worth sitting down with an independent third party and talk about how he was parented. Parenting course, Relate?

@GiantSpider

He sounds like a lazy, selfish man.

Just another one.

It can be useful to have an "outsider" make it clear you are shit!

How old are they op? Big difference if they're 6 or 16.

But yeah, he sounds like a lazy twat.

Why not call it what it is, child neglect?

I would be incredibly unhappy about this. The screens and lack of interest/engagement are both crappy parenting. We’re zero screens in restaurants and always have been. It’s been hard work at times and sometimes we’ve had to skip meals out when conditions aren’t right for the kids. But it’s an investment, teaching them to how to behave, teaching them social skills and patience and showing them them at we value their contributions as part of the group. I would find it so so hard if DH weren’t on the same page on this.