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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

My DH's parenting is unlimited TV and no homework

41 replies

pitstoppop · 05/03/2022 22:51

My DH thinks that it's fine for the kids to watch TV all day and then suggests iPads at a restaurant tonight, ( rare early evening trip out to eat, not particularly kids friendly and of course arranged by DH with his family.) As I brought things I feel they don't need more screens, I'm relatively easy going about kids out, but they shouldn't run about. The issue is they do mess around as they know Daddy will dish out the screens to save the day

I think the kids screen time should be limited. I think they have over generous amounts as it is, as I need to work and get sh@t down like clean the house. I get very annoyed if I am nagged for more. They watch enough already, they have lovely toys they don't play with.

I think DH is the most lazy parent who never does anything with the kids, never would suggest reading or helping with spellings or playing a game with them . Perish the thought he might take them out somewhere at the weekend without me. Or even come with us on a trip out. I just despair at how he just couldn't care less how the kids are or about their homework or them getting fresh air. He was a nice kind person before we had kids, now I don't recognise him.

AIBU or is it find for kids to watch TV all weekend if that's what they want as it's their break from school?

OP posts:

LifeGoesOn222 · 06/03/2022 09:00

He is a shit dad. My DH works too much and isn't going to win any parent of the year awards, but he did manage to take our DS swimming yesterday without me and spend an hour doing play doh (which I hate).

Do you do all the cooking and cleaning too, as well as working full-time? Tell me that this man has some redeeming features, like being a demon cleaner or cordon bleu-standard chef.

FuckIDunno · 06/03/2022 09:05

I don’t give a fuck about screen time or homework, personally.

Sounds like there’s bigger issues here though.

Lovelteers · 06/03/2022 09:12

Yet another couple in our circle is getting divorced because the dad is a lazy man-child who does almost nothing with his kids and around the house while the mum tries to balance a full time job with supervising sports, helping with homework, enforcing limits on screen time etc etc
And I know the mums are all now a lot happier despite financial issues, emotional issues around splitting…

Waxonwaxoff0 · 06/03/2022 09:13

@TheYearOfSmallThings

Divorcing him would be a lot better for their developing brains though.

I disagree about this! The trauma of parental divorce is surely more damaging.

As a child of divorced parents I can assure you it isn't traumatic. People are so over dramatic about divorce on here.

Original poster

pitstoppop · 06/03/2022 09:59

I work part time, but from WFH so it's most days, just flexible. Yes do all the cleaning and cooking. All kids activities everything. DH just works out of the house.

Kids 2,4,5. The two year old won't sit still, but the 4 & 5 are both at school so can cope if DH doesn't dish out iPads. Homework is stuff like reading and school year one child has sentences and spellings.

OP posts:

NowEvenBetter · 06/03/2022 10:22

Um…ok? Any thoughts on the replies?

Robloxia · 06/03/2022 10:35

I think you were both being unreasonable for taking your kids out for an evening meal TBH. I had two kids with a two year age gap and they would have struggled to behave on a busy Saturday night at 2 and 4, probably also 3 and 5.

'Homework' for a 5 YO is also not worth battling over IMO. (But I have largely abandoned Homework with my DC after the last 2 years and the delight that was homeschooling).

But neither of these things are the real issue. Are they? Your DH doesn't want to engage with the children and all of the hands on parenting is being left to you by the sounds of it. Which is the real issue here, isn't it?

In our family, we enjoy a Saturday parked up in front of the telly and on screens etc. But Sundays are always family days out where we all go out. DH and I will split the holidays together and do a good mix of days out/lazy days at home in front of the telly. DH and I both take the kids out alone as well as together. DH also shares the load with housework, cooking and getting the kids ready etc. He is an equal parent. It's doesn't sound like your DH is?

CheeseTown · 06/03/2022 10:45

Yes, parental divorce is damaging to kids. There's plenty of research out there to support this. Having said that two deeply unhappy parents or a toxic or volatile home environment is damaging too so it really depends on each situation.

dizzydizzydizzy · 06/03/2022 11:50

DP is much the same. Parenting is my job.

When the DCs were little and he had to look after them he would spend all day watching TV with them and either give them pizza for lunch or take them to a restaurant.

Now, all the contacting teachers, dealing with health matters and discipline is my job. DP is more like an uncle. Consequently both DCs have a much closer relationship with me and DP is jealous of our closeness.

ringoutthebells · 06/03/2022 12:40

I would chalk the restaurant up to experience and just not repeat it again. I don't like screens in restaurants for mine personally no, but wouldn't judge. I would make sure though that dh knew that the restaurant and time were inappropriate and why, and that we wouldn't be doing it again. If he did it again I'd refuse to attend.

Screens all weekend I absolutely would hate too, so I wouldn't accept that. There are screens at school too! It needs to be a balance, and I do think parents need to actively fight it (appreciate feels a losing battle once they hit a certain age but we definitely need to try). At your children's ages yes it is pure laziness.

waterrat · 06/03/2022 12:44

I work hard to arrange outings ar weekend so screen time is a minimum
Yep it's tedious sometimes but kids really need time playing outdoors. They need park trips or playgrounds etc it's absolutely not OK to let young children spend all weekend on devices.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 06/03/2022 14:02

@CheeseTown

That's usually down to how the parents act during the divorce, not the act of divorce itself. 50% of marriages end in divorce these days, 50% of children out there are not "damaged".

Skiptheheartsandflowers · 06/03/2022 14:08

So what does he do with his time off from work when the kids are sat in front of the TV all the time?

dizzydizzydizzy · 06/03/2022 15:23

@Skiptheheartsandflowers

So what does he do with his time off from work when the kids are sat in front of the TV all the time?

My DP used to watch tv with the DCs.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 06/03/2022 16:16

As a child of divorced parents I can assure you it isn't traumatic. People are so over dramatic about divorce on here.

But surely worse than watching a bit much TV?

I have friends who definitely had difficulty with their parents divorcing, to the point of staying in poor marriages to avoid it for their children (wouldn't be my choice).

I just don't think divorce is the obvious solution to this problem.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 06/03/2022 16:20