To wonder if these people would help if they didn’t have the opportunity to brag about it on social media

[ButtercupOfFlorin]

I’m quite possibly being cynical but I’m seeing A LOT of these kind of posts on local Spotted pages lately

“Yesterday I took a man who collapsed on the street to A&E. I didn’t get his name but on the journey he told me he lives on Crook Street, is 84 in September and has a daughter called Sally. Does anybody know how he’s doing???”

“A lovely lady posted on a for sale page the other day saying she was desperate for food to feed her young family. I contacted her and took a week’s worth of food to her house. I’ve lost her contact details and wanted to see if she was OK”

“A lady tripped and broke her elbow at the shopping mall today, I stayed with her and bought her a coffee as I called the ambulance, but didn’t get her name or any details - I wanted to know if she was OK”

“Today a family were lost looking for the crematorium so I drove them there and dropped them at the door just in time for the funeral. Wanted to check they were ok? Been thinking about them.”

I just look at these posts and think “Yes it’s nice what you did but the desperation for adoring comments is palpable” and I wonder if half these good deeds would happen if they couldn’t then go on social media and humble brag about it. You’d think surely they’d have found another way to contact them if they were THAT desperate - who gets a street address and not a name? And if you call an ambulance presumably you do get a name? AIBU to think it’s just a way to get a pat on the back and people are probably thinking at the time how they’ll have to post on social media later?

I read the local FB pages, sometimes there's something helpful like traffic problems but I never put anything on there myself.

Every week there are the same old posts about any scrap people about to collect a washing machine/cooker etc. If you search scrap metal you will get all the hundreds of scrap people about every day of the blasted week.

I get the impression that people just love to see their name on the page regardless of the stupid question they ask that's been answered hundreds of times already and a quick google would have given them the info they wanted.

I don't like it. Makes me feel queazy. Are they posting Just so that everyone will know that they did a good task?

YANBU. People love to tell others what an amazing person they are. It does make me doubt the motivation behind what they did to ‘help’ as it seems to be entirely self-serving.

Also, the kind of post where someone’s thanking a taxi driver for dropping off the purse and shopping they accidentally left in the taxi. The replies are full of ‘hero!’ ‘Amazing!’
What’s the alternative, the driver steals your purse or chucks it in the bin? Raise your standards people.

I used to have a primary school teacher who said that if you do something good but then tell everyone then it doesn’t really count.

I shouldn’t think she’s still alive (she was quite old and I’m now in my forties) but I can imagine what Mrs Delacore would say about FB.

@MurmuratingStarling

Agree with a pp about people posting 'found this debit card' with a photo of it (with the card number blocked out.) Just take it to the bank it belongs to or cut it up, and bin it, because there is 99.5% chance the person has cancelled it already and ordered a new one! I see this 3 or 4 times a WEEK on my town's facebook page (well before I unfollowed it a few days ago!) Drives me mad! In most cases, the person doesn't respond (coz they don't have facebook,) OR they respond and say, 'just bin it please, I have a new one on the way.'

Also, the bloody 'abandoned cat' ones get me. 3 or 4 times a week 'hey folks, does anyone know who this lovely torti belongs to, very friendly but seems lost. been feeding it, so it doesn't starve.'

NEWSFLASH!!! Cats roam! And 99% of the time it's not bloody lost. And stop feeding it. DON'T feed other peoples pets FFS!

Yes to the cat bit....my cat regularly appears on our local page as people saying how friendly he is but seems v hungry. Little fucker has about 4 homes that l know of and is fed regularly but he knows how to work a room and tries his luck!!

Meh I'm not too sure. There some some forms of virtue signalling that really are gross. Filming yourself giving money or food to a homeless person for example. It's totally unnecessary and humiliating for the person on the other end. And there really is no other reason for it than to brag about what a great deed you're doing.

But I also feel like the term virtue signalling is thrown around way too much now. I was told I was virtue signalling for having my covid vaccinations and talking about it. People trying to find others on social media after helping tjem may genuinely just be trying to reach out to that person. People changing their photos to the Ukraine flag may just want to show their support in a simple and accessible way when they don't know what else to do. I think it's cynical to think there's always some ulterior motive, although occasionally there clearly is.

Nothing wrong with changing photos etc. I just thought in their place I'd be touched by seeing by a sea of yellow and blue backgrounds/profile pictures.

@Lavenderosemary

I was on fb for years and years. Totally stopped using it overnight last autumn after something I'd (unwisely) posted came back to bite me. Its been a liberation! It's amazing how much irritation and indignation fb causes on a daily basis 😁. I still use twitter,but under an anonymous name, and follow no local accounts. I don't post on it though...just quietly keep up with the news. Leaving social media turned out to be great for my serenity!

Actually reading posts on Mumsnet often causes me to be quite angry and anxious, much more than Facebook, and is far less useful. But somehow I get sucked back in again.

I call it looking for likes. I've done lots of kind hearted things but I don't tell randoms what I've done.

I think some people who share charity donations/support on FB and the like are doing it because it does raise awareness, I always assumed that's why they have the 'share' option if you donate because the charity want to reach as many people as possible, for as little lay out as possible and possibly cynically they may realise people may share to 'virtue signal', but either way, it's increasing the exposure of the charity which may increase donations.
There's definitely an element that do things to raise their own profile, taking photos of themselves feeding the homeless is probably an example, unless they're affiliated to a charity and raising awareness/letting donors know what their donations are doing and how they're helping, which again may increase future donations.

I also think that the term virtue signalling is over used and used inappropriately at times, as a method of trying to shame people.

I think supporting charitable causes should be seen as a positive thing, and sometimes it's seen as negative for someone sharing a post on Facebook that they've donated to a charity for whatever reason.

I shared a charity that I actually got help from on a page that was specific to the point of the charity and got a few eye rolls etc - I shared their page and said they were really helpful, I was a bit embarrassed by my situation and so didn't say they helped me and that's how I knew about them, I thought they might be able to help someone else on the group in a similar situation to me.

@Kendodd

Anyone remember that thread about the psychology around virtue signalling? This thread reminds me of that. It puzzles me more why people feel the need to throw stones at people trying to do a bit of good.

It was deleted wasn't it - I guess this one will be zapped soon too. It appears that one isn't allowed to criticise virtue signallers on MN.

I can see some value in eg a big company saying that it is donating to a charity because it might encourage others to as well and the charity gets more money eg now for relief for refugees from Ukraine. But on the whole you don't need to broadcast that you do good, just do the good and be quiet.

@YouHaveYourFathersBreasts

Ha. I saw someone post on fb the other day telling off strangers who took a photo of them helping a homeless man who had fallen/been assaulted as it “wasn’t a photo opportunity, I was just going about my day, doing something that I would always do”. As expected, a flurry of comments on their post “you sound lovely hun/awe your the best/your an angle” etc

'Your an angle.'

[quote sst1234]@MurmuratingStarling

To these people, refugees are like a new hobby or an exotic pets. Wonder what they’ve ever done about refugees living in camps for decades in Jordan, Pakistan or countries neighbouring Sudan. These people are like poverty tourists, who go along to poor countries to gawp at slums and make ‘films’ or take a few bags of toys to give to children. Yeah, they really need toys when they don’t have running water.
They just want a hobby and recognition to go with it. Vacuous, self centred and embarrassing.[/quote]
100% agree with this @sst1234 ^

@Cheshirecatwoman

Yes I agree completely op.

It seems to be getting more frequent too and it does make me cringe!

“Just checking if the lady is ok” (that I helped after her fall) is code for “just want to broadcast what I have done”.

And a friend of mine thinks she’s a climate change activist and charity volunteer but all she does is share hundreds of posts on Facebook. Never does anything practical to help. She’s always the first to share and post that volunteers are needed and people think she’s involved but she’s never actually done anything, just likes to look good and is a busybody tbh.

And then there’s the “just want to say that so and so (young person) working in a shop is so polite and helpful and has obviously been brought up well etc etc, when they’ve just been doing their bloody job!!

Or “thanks to in shop who carried our shopping out to the car” I mean, isn’t that just basic customer service?

I agree that people who are checking up on someone DO just want to broadcast their 'good deed.' Quite narcissistic really.

And I agree about the animals rights protesters/climate change protesters etc. Lots of them pay lip service all over social media, and scold anyone who doesn't fawn all over them and agree, but do naff-all to help anyone, or any cause, ever, in real life...

And yeah it also annoys me when people post on FB to praise someone for doing their job! If you are THAT impressed, then give them a huge tip! Again, it just smacks of virtue signalling.

There has been a spate of posts on my small town facebook page lately MASSIVELY praising the pharmacy and its 'girls' for working so hard serving people, and getting their prescriptions done. WTF? that's what they're paid to do!!! It's a bit sycophantic, and I don't know why they do it.

The people I know posting about assisting Ukrainian refugees have certainly done so about Syrian and others in the past. It's not a passing interest for some people or a case of only helping white Europeans.