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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wonder if these people would help if they didn’t have the opportunity to brag about it on social media

65 replies

ButtercupOfFlorin · 05/03/2022 21:28

I’m quite possibly being cynical but I’m seeing A LOT of these kind of posts on local Spotted pages lately

“Yesterday I took a man who collapsed on the street to A&E. I didn’t get his name but on the journey he told me he lives on Crook Street, is 84 in September and has a daughter called Sally. Does anybody know how he’s doing???”

“A lovely lady posted on a for sale page the other day saying she was desperate for food to feed her young family. I contacted her and took a week’s worth of food to her house. I’ve lost her contact details and wanted to see if she was OK”

“A lady tripped and broke her elbow at the shopping mall today, I stayed with her and bought her a coffee as I called the ambulance, but didn’t get her name or any details - I wanted to know if she was OK”

“Today a family were lost looking for the crematorium so I drove them there and dropped them at the door just in time for the funeral. Wanted to check they were ok? Been thinking about them.”

I just look at these posts and think “Yes it’s nice what you did but the desperation for adoring comments is palpable” and I wonder if half these good deeds would happen if they couldn’t then go on social media and humble brag about it. You’d think surely they’d have found another way to contact them if they were THAT desperate - who gets a street address and not a name? And if you call an ambulance presumably you do get a name? AIBU to think it’s just a way to get a pat on the back and people are probably thinking at the time how they’ll have to post on social media later?

OP posts:

ukborn · 06/03/2022 00:27

Except my son did find out what happened to his bank card as a friend of mine saw it posted in FB (the bloke destroyed it before my son contacted him). She's still least he knew it hadn't been stolen.
But yes I agree - they are stupid questions anyway - who is going to read about some random woman and think 'oh I know her'! And is everyone's FB page public? Mind is friends and family only - no one else would care about my posts!

RBKB · 06/03/2022 06:21

Brilliant

Rosehugger · 06/03/2022 06:31

I disagree about the credit card one. I've found cards twice and got them back to the person before they knew they had lost it.

Rosehugger · 06/03/2022 06:35

And is everyone's FB page public? Mind is friends and family only - no one else would care about my posts!

Of course not, but there are at least several people who within a short while would recognise a name on a card card, misdirected parcel, lost toy etc in the village group. It's extremely useful.

Rosehugger · 06/03/2022 06:37

The cats ones are hilarious though. That's mostly on Next Door locally not Facebook.

Rosehugger · 06/03/2022 06:41

Also the lost dog thing - I was asked to share a post on the local group as there had been a sighting in our local area, by a friend of the owner. I thought it tenuous as the dog was from ten miles away, but shared the post anyway, as did lots of other people, there was a huge campaign and the dog was found.

Crimsonripple · 06/03/2022 06:44

The worst ones are driving licences. They have the bloody name and address on them!!!!

HELLITHURT · 06/03/2022 06:46

Oh my hod!! You know my neighbour don't you? She does this all the time!

It's all look at me. I'm so caring and helpful.

In reality she's a total bitch.

ShirleyPhallus · 06/03/2022 06:47

[quote Amnotamug]@ButtercupOfFlorin..to be fair I am a ridiculous dog lover and I do share any dogs lost on FB and yes I don’t necessarily look at the original post. Think you are being very harsh …sorry.[/quote]
Wouldn’t it make sense just to read the post and see if it’s worth sharing, before you do?

ofwarren · 06/03/2022 06:48

@Rosehugger

I disagree about the credit card one. I've found cards twice and got them back to the person before they knew they had lost it.

That happened to me. It fell out my pocket and a bloke a few streets away found it. I was able to go and pick it up.
I never even knew I'd dropped it.

MintyFreshBreath · 06/03/2022 06:55

@Amnotamug

Sorry I disagree..virtue signalling is a MN expression ..have never heard that expression apart from MN ..think it is absolutely trashy. Agree that people saying they are not sending Christmas Cards and donating to a charity are a PITA but sharing a charity donation etc is good publicity for the charity and increases social awareness !

Virtue signalling is most definitely not a MN expression only. Google it and it’s all over the place.

Nothing much to add really. I point blank refuse to praise people on their SM posts when they’re looking for validation like that. I often mute them in fact 😂

MimiDaisy11 · 06/03/2022 06:59

I get that bragging about a good deed makes it less special and takes away the selfless element but I don’t get that annoyed with social media posts if they’re genuinely helping. For me the people who share posts on social media to educate others are the really annoying ones. They think they’re doing a good deed by sitting in front of their computer sharing a post on how not to be sexist/racist etc but of course they’re not. It’s about how they look.

BlackberrySky · 06/03/2022 07:12

Whenever I see the "wanted to know if they are OK" posts I always think that whilst the person was I'm sure appreciative of their help, they may not wish to remain in contact with the SM poster. I would be really annoyed if it were me who had been helped and then someone put me in SM contact with someone I don't otherwise know.

Cheshirecatwoman · 06/03/2022 07:35

Yes I agree completely op.

It seems to be getting more frequent too and it does make me cringe!

“Just checking if the lady is ok” (that I helped after her fall) is code for “just want to broadcast what I have done”.

And a friend of mine thinks she’s a climate change activist and charity volunteer but all she does is share hundreds of posts on Facebook. Never does anything practical to help. She’s always the first to share and post that volunteers are needed and people think she’s involved but she’s never actually done anything, just likes to look good and is a busybody tbh.

And then there’s the “just want to say that so and so (young person) working in a shop is so polite and helpful and has obviously been brought up well etc etc, when they’ve just been doing their bloody job!!

Or “thanks to in shop who carried our shopping out to the car” I mean, isn’t that just basic customer service?

SartresSoul · 06/03/2022 07:36

They obviously want people to tell them how amazing they are. It’s not as bad as people who film themselves doing a good deed though, they’re the worst.

WouldIwasShookspeared · 06/03/2022 07:41

It's a good question.

Are you still doing a good thing if your motivation is not to do the good thing but to record it/recount it in order to receive attention and praise?

The other person is helped so yes, you did a good thing.
Its just that those you tell will be split into "omg you're amazing" and "urgh, attention seeker".

For me the biggest issue is those who photograph the person they are helping and upload their picture and situation. That is disgusting however you look at it. It shows zero respect or consideration and reduces the person to a tool to gather praise and 'likes'

Tlollj · 06/03/2022 07:42

A good deed / charity is supposed to benefit the recipients not the donors.

GracieLouFreeebush · 06/03/2022 07:44

Ive been on the other side of this! I faint frequently on the first day of my period - I’ve got medicine for this but had left it at my mums and hadn’t managed to pick it up yet.

I went to stand up at the train station and went light headed and fell back down. Within about 4 seconds I was fine to get on the train. These two women decided to be hero’s, they wouldn’t let me stand up, insisted on an ambulance that I didn’t need, tried to put me in the recovery position. I was too weak to fight it other than repeatedly saying I was fine. My plan had been to get in the train and eat my lunch. I missed my train and had to waste the time of the ambulance.

Then that evening a photo of me appeared on Facebook asking if anyone knew if I was ok as they had been so worried. I felt humiliated. The owner of the page wouldn’t take the post down and I was worried of the come back if I commented saying it was unnecessary. A few relatives saw it and got in touch with me concerned too.

Lavenderosemary · 06/03/2022 07:47

I was on fb for years and years. Totally stopped using it overnight last autumn after something I'd (unwisely) posted came back to bite me. Its been a liberation! It's amazing how much irritation and indignation fb causes on a daily basis 😁. I still use twitter,but under an anonymous name, and follow no local accounts. I don't post on it though...just quietly keep up with the news. Leaving social media turned out to be great for my serenity!

HoliHormonalTigerlilly · 06/03/2022 07:53

NEWSFLASH!!! Cats roam! And 99% of the time it's not bloody lost. And stop feeding it. DON'T feed other peoples pets FFS

This 100%

HoliHormonalTigerlilly · 06/03/2022 07:53

@Lavenderosemary

Great idea.

LampLighter414 · 06/03/2022 07:58

YANBU it is so very obvious

Similar to the perfectly intelligent people who seem to post every question under the sun in the local group "what time does Tesco open please", "why is my sky box not picking up channels please", "best deals for broadband please" when all of this can be googled in 10 secs or you know they could just call Sky. I think they love having the attention on them and the fact people have gone out of their way to search up the info for them. One lady does this all the time, if you check her history in the group it is nothing but this.

Don't even get me started on the local councillors who suddenly start posting photos of them at every community litter pick etc in the month or two before elections

DockOTheBay · 06/03/2022 08:01

And is everyone's FB page public? Mind is friends and family only - no one else would care about my posts!
This is on Facebook groups rather than your own page. Like "town news and information group" or "town chat group" that sort of thing.

Georgeskitchen · 06/03/2022 08:04

A few years ago a lady posted that there was a sadly deceased cat at the side of the road . It was 730am and she was driving to drop her baby off at childminder and then on to work. Because this lady didn't stop, pick.up the cat, take it to a local get ( which probably wasn't even opened yet) this poor lady was called every name under the sun. I defended her and received the same.
Apparently this is the thing now, if you see a sadly deceased animal at the side of the road, you must stop everything, put it in yoir car and take it to a vet.
Oh and post on social media that you have done it
Guaranteed plenty of "we'll done huns"

BluesCluesToo · 06/03/2022 08:13

@Hibye23289

I know what you mean! 😂 Can't be too outing but there was an incident in my village and an overly bubbly mum from down the school set up a go fund me page, she then did a personal status asking for items or what not and somebody commented saying 'local hero' and she replied 'I try 😊' and the original commentor said no try the local heroes page they may be able to help with items 🤣🤣

😂

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