Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Feeling anxious about new man

42 replies

OutbackQueen · 05/03/2022 16:15

Been seeing new man for 5 months, all going well bar one or two hiccups. I’m still friendly with ex-H (father of adult DD) who lives locally to me and new chap. Ex has told me recently that his friends, who used to live in the same street as my new man, used to notice a “constant stream of women going in and out of his house who would never return and they wondered where the bodies were buried”. This was before I started going out with him.

My new chap has not given me cause to think he’s untrustworthy so not sure what to make of this. Should I ignore or mention it in passing to my chap? Wondering if my ex is jealous but he’s the one who left me 15 years ago? Trouble is, it’s planted a seed of doubt....very happy otherwise.

OP posts:
HopefulRose · 05/03/2022 16:16

Sounds like your ex knows how to push your buttons. Even if he did have a a stream of women before you, that's his past and isn't your business. What's your business is how he is when you're together and how he makes you feel. Focus on that and if it's all good, enjoy your new guy!

Sidge · 05/03/2022 16:19

Why are you telling your ex about a very new man, let alone where he lives?

Sounds like he's shit stirring to me.

Sidge · 05/03/2022 16:20

Mind you I’d be concerned at a few hiccups in the first few months. What sort of hiccups?

TopCatsTopHat · 05/03/2022 16:20

As a witness statement it doesn't sound very accurate. Either his mates are winding him up or he's winding you up, at best it's an exaggeration at worst it's total fabrication I'd say.
Unless you hear similar from another source I'd ignore and as with anyone in your life watch out for red flags and build trust gradually.

Hunderland · 05/03/2022 16:29

He's got inside your head. Ignore it and fgs don't tell him anything else!

Original poster
OutbackQueen · 05/03/2022 16:32

Thank you! The hiccups have been over communication really and we’ve talked about it and hopefully learnt from it. I was surprised at how much my ex seems to care about this and how much he seems to want me to finish with this chap. DD must have told him about my new relationship because obviously I’ve told her so that’s how he knows.

OP posts:
KimCheese · 05/03/2022 16:36

As long as this stream of women have stopped (I'm assuming exclusivity but if you haven't had that chat then do as there are a million threads on here about crossed wires) then they all sound like a bunch of nosy bastards who love a bit of gossip, and he's loving getting under your skin.

KimCheese · 05/03/2022 16:37

I'm curious though, do you think you'd feel uncomfortable if he has had a lot of fun whilst single?

Original poster
OutbackQueen · 05/03/2022 16:44

No would be quite happy if he’d been with other women before me. But he told me that he hasn’t had a relationship since he broke up with his ex a year and a half ago and the stream of women has apparently been since! I know he has a couple of female friends who visit him (who I’ve met) and a female gardener but that doesn’t constitute a stream surely? So should I not say anything? I can’t imagine he’s going to react lightly if I raise it.

OP posts:
Ihopeyourcakeisshit · 05/03/2022 16:48

Your ex is on a mission to wind you up and is succeeding by the sounds of things.
That being said what makes you say the new chap wouldn't react lightly if you brought it up?

Staggersaurus · 05/03/2022 16:48

This reminds me of when I got together with my DH. His “friend”, who had previously asked me out so many times it made me uncomfortable, kept on telling me that I needed to watch out as DH was a “womaniser”. He really wasn’t Grin

Your ex is clearly jealous, just ignore (and maybe be a little bit smug that he is so rankled by you moving on).

amnm · 05/03/2022 16:50

As long as you're confident he's being faithful now, I'd ignore your ex, it sounds like he's just trying to wind you up. A stream of women is probably a huge exaggeration.

100problems · 05/03/2022 16:50

ExH does not like you having a new interest.

This is the sort of thing that makes for books, Tv, film, songs.

He may not want you, but he's not so keen on anyone else getting in either.

Original poster
OutbackQueen · 05/03/2022 16:55

It’s so weird, my ex left me for another woman ( it didn’t work out) and I can’t for the life of me comprehend why he wound get so wound up by me being with someone else. Is it best not to mention it to my new chap? I can’t see any good coming of it.

OP posts:
100problems · 05/03/2022 17:17

Refer to my previous comment re Ex

No, don't say anything to DP. What on Earth would be the point? You can hardly say there's gossip that women only ever entered but never exited his house.

Plus, these women preceded you, and as you say you are not particularly concerned he had partners.

I think you'd be letting ExH win without him actually needing to do anything at all.

KimCheese · 05/03/2022 17:39

Maybe only mention it if there's a natural moment for it to be mentioned, but keep it light hearted. Give no power to your ex and his gossip.

TopCatsTopHat · 05/03/2022 18:30

@OutbackQueen

It’s so weird, my ex left me for another woman ( it didn’t work out) and I can’t for the life of me comprehend why he wound get so wound up by me being with someone else. Is it best not to mention it to my new chap? I can’t see any good coming of it.
God no don't mention it to the new man!! He'll think you're mad, don't trust him, and still listen to your ex to an unhealthy extent! He could well back right off and I wouldn't blame him.
Original poster
OutbackQueen · 05/03/2022 19:05

Yes have decided to keep schtum and not talk to my ex again about my personal life. Will go slowly with my new chap though but trust him until he actually gives me reason not to.

OP posts:
CouldIhaveaword · 05/03/2022 19:40

Gossips make something out of nothing. They see three women going to a house in a few days, make a daft comment about burying bodies and suddenly it becomes a 'thing'. Sharing the joke makes it bigger. Ex then exaggerates further for entertainment. Two friends and a gardener have suddenly become a stream.

Original poster
OutbackQueen · 06/03/2022 14:40

Bloody hell, I stupidly let my ex in just now for a cup of tea and he raised the issue again. Told me I could ask other people about my new chap and then tried to start banging on about what his friends are supposed to have seen. I actually lost it and asked him to leave. Trouble is I feel sick to my stomach after having spent a lovely evening and morning with my chap 🙁

OP posts:
TopCatsTopHat · 06/03/2022 16:23

Unless he's genuinly very concerned for you he's stirring! One of these men does not deserve your full trust, you might have to use your intuition to decide which one until you have some evidence either way.

GayANDguilty · 06/03/2022 17:01

Maybe your ex is single and now looking at you in a new light?
Unless he’s genuinely concerned for the safety of his DD - how old is she?

spacehardware · 06/03/2022 17:04

Why on Earth are you having so much involvement with your ex husband? Just stop having cosy chats with him, and stop telling him things

Honestly, do you enjoy the attention amd drama or what?

MyCatEatsPrawnCrackers · 06/03/2022 17:07

Stop saying chap.

Lamujere · 06/03/2022 17:14

I'm not sure I agree with most of these answers. 15 years is a long time and unless your ex has a history of winding you up I would be inclined to listen. I have been divorced for 25 years and my ex and I are both happily remarried but still care for each others wellbeing. I may be wrong but I wonder if some of these responses are from people whose break ups are more raw? Just a thought.