Feeling anxious about new man

[OutbackQueen]

Been seeing new man for 5 months, all going well bar one or two hiccups. I’m still friendly with ex-H (father of adult DD) who lives locally to me and new chap. Ex has told me recently that his friends, who used to live in the same street as my new man, used to notice a “constant stream of women going in and out of his house who would never return and they wondered where the bodies were buried”. This was before I started going out with him.

My new chap has not given me cause to think he’s untrustworthy so not sure what to make of this. Should I ignore or mention it in passing to my chap? Wondering if my ex is jealous but he’s the one who left me 15 years ago? Trouble is, it’s planted a seed of doubt....very happy otherwise.

What is he accusing your new 'chap' of exactly? Being single and enjoying himself or mass murder? It's literally none of his business.

@spacehardware I am guilty of telling ex too much and have learnt my lesson. Sorry for use if “chap”, am probably showing my age.

Why is your ex keeping tabs on this man? I see my neighbours come and go. As in, sometimes, when I look out of the window, I may see someone come and go and they may see me. But I couldn't tell you how many visitors they've had or how many times they've come and gone.

It’s not my ex @Momijin. It’s friends of his who used to be neighbours of my new man. Honestly I would have no idea how many visitors my neighbours got because I’m not constantly staring out of my front window.

@MyCatEatsPrawnCrackers

Stop saying chap.

Why should she? Because you say so? It's a word and op is allowed to use it. Perhaps if it grates on you just let it wash over you, no need to bring your easily triggered irritations into someone else's head.

If I was your new man and heard about all of this OP and learnt you have been inviting your ex into your home for a chat about me, I'd end the relationship with you.

In your shoes I would end any contact with the ex before another relationship is ruined. What your current partner did before he met you, so long as he didn't break the law or hurt anyone physically or mentally is nothing to do with you

It all depends on the notice and accuracy of the information though doesn't it. Maybe the ex cares about you and knows something you need to know. Maybe he's jealous. I'd just reserve judgement if you're not sure and wait until its clear. But now the ex has put this on the table it's obvious the new man and the ex can't both be decent people cos either it's true or the ex is stirring...

My ex hurt me very badly when we were married and betrayed my trust totally. I forgave him for our daughter’s sake (it involved him having a child with another woman so DD’s half sister). I should probably be asking myself why I’d believe anything he says but have always been gullible and wanting to see the best in people.

Did he elaborate at all? Or is it still just about him having people come to his house?

I have to say, I'm not sure I'm buying all this 'concern' he's got for you. What is the actual issue, that you're dating a potential player and you'll be played?

What's your relationship history between ex h and this new man OP? You seem unsettled by what your ex has said. Do you have other reason to doubt either your judgment or your DPs intentions?
Call him your chap of you like. Some people are rude

I reckon your ex is hugely exaggerating.

Is this your first relationship (that he knows about) since you split? Seen as his relationship didn't work out, I wonder whether (even subconsciously) he has always seen as you as "available" and if he ever wanted to he could have you back. In some small way you were still "his". This new chap changes all that and he doesn't like it

@MyCatEatsPrawnCrackers

Stop saying chap.

Chap chap chap chap chap

Get over yourself

@OutbackQueen

My ex hurt me very badly when we were married and betrayed my trust totally. I forgave him for our daughter’s sake (it involved him having a child with another woman so DD’s half sister). I should probably be asking myself why I’d believe anything he says but have always been gullible and wanting to see the best in people.

That being the case I don't think it's be badging life changing opinions on his say so personally. Amazing well done on managing to put a betrayal on such huge scale to the side for your daughters sake though! "what an amazing mummy she has, I how one day she is able to appreciate what you did for her there. Suspect the ex lacks that level of appreciating though and is maybe nursing some sour grapes. People capable of such hurt often lack self awareness.

I'd be basing - that should say

Lovely post @TopCatsTopHat, thank you. And yes what is actually wrong with chap 😊

He's your ex. Yes you can still be on speaking terms but he's your EX. Stop inviting him in for cups of tea and listening to his shite. He's trying to mess up your relationship with your new man and you're letting him.

@OutbackQueen

It’s not my ex *@Momijin*. It’s friends of his who used to be neighbours of my new man. Honestly I would have no idea how many visitors my neighbours got because I’m not constantly staring out of my front window.

And why would his friends be keeping tabs and how many is too many? And if he was single then he could have whoever. The last person who said this kind of shite was malicious and from narcissistic ex MIL (and total bs) about her DIL