Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Am I the miserable one here?

50 replies

Newbie44 · 05/03/2022 07:58

Sorry long one, new poster, please be patient! So, I have pretty annoying neighbours. Nothing too major- screaming kids, visitors part blocking our drive, howling dogs and general inconsiderate behaviour. They’re young with four kids so I just put up with it with a sigh. We say hello/ engage in small talk.
We live by a school so neighbour’s friends park here and they all walk to school. Neighbour’s friend often parks inconsiderately, as do random others who seem to pick up and drop off kids at neighbours house, usually part blocking our driveway.
Anyway, when they all return from the school run, they often congregate on the garden and open the car doors and play the music loudly. Very loudly. General screaming and larking about, sometimes accompanied by kids beeping the car horn followed by mothers shouting at them to stop (which they don’t) As I say, annoying, but I just sigh and think how others don’t really consider those around them anymore and it’s just kids having fun (even though I wouldn’t have allowed my two to do it)
Yesterday, heard beeping horn continuously. It woke my dh but his fault for napping in the day lol. It went on for quite a bit. I just rolled my eyes. DD, a primary school teacher, was unwell and asleep upstairs. Eventually I heard her come down. She opened the door, looked for the adults, couldn’t see anyone so looked over to the car. A little girl (about 3?) was on her own in the car on the road, beeping the horn. She smiled and waved at dd who put her fingers to her lips in a shush way (think primary school teacher!) She came back inside and sat down, and all was peaceful! She said it woke her up so she had idly started counting how many times the horn peeped before it would have been worth getting out of bed, and got to 54 times before she eventually came down.
Two minutes later, door knocks. DD answers to see ndn, small child in her arms, and car friend waiting at the bottom of drive. I think she was expecting me to answer, as dd obviously isn’t usually home at that time. She asked if ‘someone here had told my child off’ (I know she thought it was me) Dd said no, not at all. She just put her finger to her lips and the child stopped. Ndn said ‘in future you speak to me’ Dd said she did look for an adult but couldn’t see one.
At this point, my bad, I went to the door and unlike me, raised my voice and shouted that dd was poorly, and asleep and the noise was annoying. Ndn said not to shout (fair enough) and she has been told to ignore child’s behaviour. I’m assuming she’s having parenting input. I do understand ignoring certain behaviours (teacher/mother myself) but small child shouldn’t be in car doing that, only to be ignored. Actually she wasn’t ignoring it, she kept shouting at child to stop. Friend has now walked up my driveway to join neighbour. She said I shouldn’t be commenting on neighbour’s parenting skills. I admit I told her it was nothing to do with her and to shut up. I said I love children, never have any problems with children’s behaviours but I do have problem with adults. I said child should not be left on her own in a car to annoy others, let alone for other safety reasons.
Anyway, you get the picture, to and fro comments on my driveway. Not my style to argue on the doorstep, never raised my voice to a neighbour in the 26 years I’ve lived here. When it was obvious that these people had no idea what my point was, I realised we were all embarrassing ourselves and wasting time so I told them to get off my driveway, which to be fair they did. I also said never to come on my property again, for any reason. I guess I was annoyed, defensive of my poorly daughter even though she’s an adult and surprisingly territorial at having randoms knocking on my door frankly spoiling for an argument when I personally had ignored the behaviour originally.
Anyway, am I being a miserable old git? I’m so annoyed at myself for doorstep arguing and realise the need to try to get along with neighbours for everyone’s sanity.

OP posts:
GeneLovesJezebel · 05/03/2022 08:03

I think you put up with a hell of a lot of behaviour that I wouldn’t.
You had an argument because they came on your property and started it.
Not your fault.

Sally872 · 05/03/2022 08:03

You have the patience of a Saint. You put up with all their annoying habits with a moan to yourself then the first time neighbour feels you have annoyed her she is at your door!! She should have been coming round to apologise not complain. I think you did the right thing.

LittleMG · 05/03/2022 08:04

Yeah maybe you were a big argumentative but honestly what are they on? Idiots. And if you knock on someone’s door like that expect a fight.

Yellownightmare · 05/03/2022 08:08

Of course YANBU. Sometimes it's hard to stop children being noisy. But there's absolutely no excuse to leave a three year old unattended beeping a car horn. I'm sure they wouldn't like it if DD beeped her car horn on arrival 54 times.

Unfortunately these people sound like the type who won't take any responsibility for their children and who see the kids as extensions of themselves, so any criticism of the children leads to their being defensive.

Shouting at them isn't probably very productive but I don't see why you can't ask them to tell their children not to beep the horn. Ignoring poor behaviour in children is one strategy but it's obviously not appropriate in all situations and when they're bothering others is one of those. Surely in that situation you take the children away and distract them with something less anti social.

KindlyKanga · 05/03/2022 08:09

Oh my god that is horrendous. You have a valid point and they are shit parents.

Newbie44 · 05/03/2022 08:12

Thank you so much for your replies so far, I could cry with relief as this has kept me awake most of the night! You’re right, I wish I hadn’t shouted, I guess I had been simmering for a while and as soon as dd was targeted (in my mind) it kind of all came out.

OP posts:
Newbie44 · 05/03/2022 08:16

@Sally872
I honestly thought she was coming round to apologise!

OP posts:
MrsSkylerWhite · 05/03/2022 08:20

I don’t believe that she has been told to ignore a 3 year old sitting alone in a car.
You’ve been more than patient.

Whatterywhat · 05/03/2022 08:24

Fucking hell, you were very calm considering. They should think themselves lucky having you as a neighbour
Awful behaviour from them and so dangerous

LondonWolf · 05/03/2022 08:30

I think years of minor frustrations boiled over and I don't blame you. Perhaps they'll
Be more considerate from now on but I doubt it.

cansu · 05/03/2022 08:31

It is a shame you shouted. They were however v stupid to come to your door for an argument. It is surely pretty easy to get kid out of car and lock car door. Only an idiot would let that go. People are surprisingly sensitive about their shit parenting though.

LaLoba · 05/03/2022 08:40

From (bitter) personal experience, they weren’t going to be quiet for you asking nicely. Honestly, the only thing that gave me a reprieve when I had a parent who, shall we say wasn’t very good at parenting, next door was to threaten to call Social Services if her terrible lack of parenting and poor behaviour affected my ears or my property again. It worked, but it’s very stressful, you have my sympathies.

gettingolderandgrumpy · 05/03/2022 08:41

54 times before she went out with a sush and the parent knocked on to complain, is she for real?. Previous ndn kid used to get in car and beep I shouted out the window shut up after it annoyed me one day he stopped . If a parent came to my property to tell me off I’d send him away with a telling off too. Next time they make a noise go out and speak to this parent and tell them to fuck off with the mothers meeting somewhere else .

LadyLothbrook · 05/03/2022 08:44

YANBU !

WTF475878237NC · 05/03/2022 08:44

You've been incredibly patient and they're ungrateful ignorant people I would hate to have to see every day!

Newbie44 · 05/03/2022 08:51

@LaLoba
I think you might be right sadly

@gettingolderandgrumpy
Brilliant 😂

Been a stalker for a while and always thought how supportive mumsnetters are, just hearing the facts and giving honest opinions (good or bad) Thank you so much. Rather than awkwardly facing them when I next put the bins out, I will feel more confident in that normal people do actually see my point.

OP posts:
Yellowsubhubabubbub · 05/03/2022 08:54

Get a megaphone
You mayve made a rod for your own back by being so passive with their behaviour previously
You need to start logging their noise. I can’t believe you’ve put up with this so long.
Bullies will push and push just waiting for someone to bite : your DD happened to be that person that day.

the80sweregreat · 05/03/2022 08:56

Your neighbours are awful and you sound lovely.
My neighbour would have moaned after one or two beebs of a car horn let alone 59 , not that I would ever let my two do this , of course , it is inconsiderate and rude.
You've put up with a lot and they should control their children and not let them sit in a car on their own either. Why can't people parent their children properly any more ? I feel for you.

sst1234 · 05/03/2022 08:57

Sounds rough OP. You are not unreasonable, unfortunately you seem to have Vicky Pollard as your neighbour.

Bdhntbis · 05/03/2022 08:58

I think you lost the high ground by shouting to be honest; I do agree with you that they are in the wrong and it’s unacceptable to leave a child in a car like that. I think this is a good reason why you should address things earlier as I suspect it’s been simmering at the back of your mind.

BlusteryLake · 05/03/2022 09:00

Some people's first defence when they know they are in the wrong is to make a big dramatic scene as a distraction like these people did. They sound awful, and you have been more than patient with them.

BigupPemberleyMassive · 05/03/2022 09:01

YANBU
Just ignore them going forward and if you ever do have to interact be neutrally polite.

Newbie44 · 05/03/2022 09:01

@ Bdhntbis
I agree, that’s why I’m annoyed with myself really

OP posts:
LadyEloise1 · 05/03/2022 09:03

Were the keys in the ignition while the child was in the car ?
I know our cars here need the keys to be in the ignition and turned on before the horn works.
Are the ndn and visitors utterly mad leaving a child in a car with the ignition on ?

DontBeMean · 05/03/2022 09:05

That's a really shame you shouted and got angry. It's more likely to escalate the situation and it's shitty thing to do if their are kids about.

Also, you might end up in TikTok 😊

Your neighbours sound awful though.

Swipe left for the next trending thread