Contemplating having a child but really not sure about finances etc

[Janeyjacke]

31 and partner is 4 years younger
I'm on an hourly wage full time, earn about £1650 net per month minimum. Partner's on a zero hour contract, earns £1000 net as a minimum with £1400 net at the most usually.

We live in a studio flat so would need at least a 1 bed property.
Neither of us drive, my family are 35 miles away but it's around 35 minutes on the train, partner's family 100 miles away.
I'm very worried as to how we would manage for work/childcare. I work in childcare so I'm aware of how expensive it could be, and I'm really not sure what to do.
I have a friend who gave birth 5 months ago, her baby has endless personalised clothes with her name on, constant pictures on social media of whatever classes she's been to etc.

I also wouldn't get full maternity pay, only SMP so I wouldn't be able to take long off. My partner likes the idea of being a father but I admit we haven't discussed the practicalities yet.

Any honest advice and opinions greatly appreciated.

Childcare in many EU countries is heavily subsidised, almost free in some cases, it's extortionate here. We're in the North West

A 1 bed place would be fine in the short term, but you'd really need a 2 bed long term.

I'd also be wary of having a child with someone on a zero hour contract i.e. not secure income. His job would also be worth nothing (I presume) if you were to try and find a new place.

I would personally want to get a bigger place and have DP get a more secure income before having a baby.

You want honesty?

It is never a good time to have a baby. There will always be an excuse or a problem.

I read on a different thread something that has the ring of truth.

A baby comes with a loaf of bread under its arm.

When the baby comes you make do, because you have to.

If you're on a secure relationship and trust your partner, I wouldn't wait.

Like PP said there's always going to be a reason not to have a baby. Bigger house, better job. Promotion, wanting to move to a new area. The list is endless.

As long as you have some sort of stability ie home, job, decent partner everything else works itself out and you make do.

Everything sorts itself out in the end.

I suppose you're right, there will never be a right time as such.
Things can be bought second hand, and I'm sure we would find a way to manage as we'd have to

Well the ones saying ‘there’s never a right time’ I’d disagree with.

I’d say there’s never a perfect time but there are better times to have a baby.

Living in a studio flat, with one of you on a zero hour contract doesn’t sound like one of those ‘better times’

I’d concentrate on perhaps improving things now or looking at what you have spare each month after bills before deciding. You say you’re aware of how expensive childcare is so what is your plan for that? Would you be entitled to any benefits?

Are you quite young?

I agree with @Porfre to a certain extent.

Personalised clothes etc are utterly unnecessary - second hand for most stuff will save a fortune.

However you DO need to think about money and being broke is never fun. There is a significant difference between things being tight and being destitute.

Two bedrooms would be nice if possible but you definitely need one rather than a studio.

A basic budget assessing how you’ll afford everything including childcare would show you how much give there is.

You maybe be entitled to some benefits so check that too.

Can you spend a year or two upskilling to improve salaries? You’re relatively young so rushing isn’t imperative.

The most important BY A MILE is making sure your relationship is mature enough. Make sure you both know how the house runs, that you share the housework and mental load out - if you don’t have money to chuck at some problems it’s more important you sort them now.

Just some thoughts:

• Do you have ambitions to own a home? Absolutely fine if not, but far far easier to save a deposit now before you have childcare costs, so if you do, I'd consider doing that first.

• Do you want to get married? Look at the legal benefits and protections, particularly if you may become a SAHP or reduce your working hours to provide childcare.

• Maternity pay - can you jump ship to an employer with a better maternity package before TTC? I moved to the civil service for example, which is 6 months full pay. If not, can you both save up to plug the gap?

• Or, if you work in childcare, do you have access to any other benefits such as a subsidised nursery place?

• Childcare is expensive but everyone I know with kids pays for it (as will we when baby arrives - our own parents are still working full-time in their 60s and unable to help). Check out the tax free childcare scheme to save 20% and then the free hours from 3 years. I think the hardest bit for us is going to be 1-3 years. I'm hoping to go back 4 days a week to reduce it a bit (as the amount I'd bring home for a 5th day barely covers nursery).

• Can your partner change jobs for a more stable income - and to potentially access other things like shared parental leave (not sure if he'd get that with a zero hour contract)?

Finally - your friend's baby honestly won't care about personalised items or fancy classes, & neither will yours. Social media isn't real, you never know who is paying for their lifestyle with credit card debt or with family help. Try not to compare yourself

I’d wait.

You have time and your financial position may improve.

Not married, studio flat, and a boyfriend in a zero hours contract are all less than ideal.

I'd spend the next year focusing on getting yourself into much better financial and secure career positions before you consider it.

@Janeyjacke

Childcare in many EU countries is heavily subsidised, almost free in some cases, it's extortionate here. We're in the North West

It’s shocking that we don’t have similar by now.

Have you looked at tax free childcare and universal credit to see what help you’d get with childcare costs?

I agree that there is never a perfect time, and I also agree with those saying it will be difficult in a studio flat.
However, OP is 31. There comes a time when you know it is the right time for you. If she were 21 my advice would be different.
It sounds as if those are your jobs and waiting a year or two isn't going to change much. It isn't like one of you is about to become a high earner - it is what it is and people manage.
Some Nurseries offer discounted rates for staff dc - does yours ?
You would need to look into what you are entitled to claim in credits and vouchers, that may help.
In truth, a tiny baby doesn't cost hardly anything on a week by week basis, and you can be savvy about picking things up on local giving or selling sites. You would also get child benefit. When it begins to hurt a bit more (financially)) is when they start getting bigger.
Of course, a lot of this will depend on your other outgoings - your rent / council tax / utilities, phones, transport costs, insurances, any debt, etc etc. as to how much wiggle room you might have.

I agree with the PP who said there is a right time. I'm 31 too and have a 6 week old. I feel like we chose the right time for us (DH is nearly 30). We have a 3 bed home, both stable jobs, a low mortgage. We waited until we had these things first (been together 11 years so we really did wait!). I personally would wait with your circumstances.

You will be able to claim universal credit while you are on maternity leave.
maternity allowance is deducted pound for pound but you will still have the joint allowance- child element. If you own your home the first 577 of your partners earnings will be disregarded and then 55p for every pound is deducted from the UC so you could end up with an extra £900 there abouts.
If you rent then you will get housing element too up to a 2 bed as that is what the LHA would allow.
If you partner is the lower earner would be be a stay at home dad?
That way you can claim Uc to top up earnings and avoid the childcare costs.

And from experience I waited and waited until things were better for us.
But life kept dealing us a bad hand, i decided that if I waited any longer I would spend the rest of my life regretting it.
I reached 35 and started to panic I was never going to have a child.
I had my baby last year aged 37 and after 18 years with my partner.
Of course there is a right time- ideally I would have loved to have more money, to own my own house and to have travelled more but Sometimes you just have to go for it.

Like a previous poster said buying secondhand and keeping things as cheap as possible is doable. Especially for the first few months. I only have a 4 month old so not seen much expense yet.

And I regards to the personalised stuff- either way it will still end up with poop and sick on it.
I was given soooo many clothes when my baby was born and honestly the first few weeks was a rotation of the same vests and grows.
Now I have a few outfits I really like and some stuff I haven’t even used yet.
Overall my advice is don’t wait - do you even know if you can get pregnant yet?
It could take a couple of years to conceive anyway

Could you go back to work full time and you partner be the sahp?

I would start ttc now and look to move to a house near a good school in the next 18 months! I agree there is no perfect time but there are better and worse times! Babies really dont need much and you can ger immaculate 2nd stuff if you want

@curlii103

I would start ttc now and look to move to a house near a good school in the next 18 months! I agree there is no perfect time but there are better and worse times! Babies really dont need much and you can ger immaculate 2nd stuff if you want

If OP & her partner can afford a studio flat now, are they going to be able to afford "a house near a good school" while also paying nursery costs? That's not an option for every family.

I agree with those saying that there's never a perfect time, but there are better times.

Childcare is extortionate. I'm also is the North West. A full time nursery place is £850 in our nursery.

Check online for what top ups you be entitled to benefits wise, but be mindful that fluctuating salaries can impact them.

@curlii103

I would start ttc now and look to move to a house near a good school in the next 18 months! I agree there is no perfect time but there are better and worse times! Babies really dont need much and you can ger immaculate 2nd stuff if you want

How can OP just move to a house near a good school. Her DP is on a zero hour contract.

She might bot be able to get a house on her income alone. Her DPs zero hour job will count for nothing. Throw the cost of a baby into the mix and that can set things back quite a bit.

The biggest factor imo would be DP getting a more secure job. There's also the fact that DP would get no paternity leave to help during birth and soon after.

Your partner likes the idea of being a dad but how committed is he exactly? Committed enough to find a more secure, better paid job? Committed enough to live with no spends during the years before free childcare kicks in?

Have you got some money saved? Better do that now because you wont because to do it when baby is here. If you have 5k put away that's enough to cover rental deposits, and emergencies.

Neither of you drive but wouldnt it help with choice of jobs, childcare etc if you could?

A 1 bed is ok for when baby is a baby but eventually a 2 bed would, if not strictly necessary, make life much easier.

And how would you cover childcare? Have you checked out exactly what you'd be entitled to?

There might never be a right time to have a baby but there are wrong times. At 31 you still have some time to improve your living situation before you start ttc.

Babies really dont need much

They need 24/7 care. Which means you either have to give up work or pay someone else to look after them. Both expensive options.

Don't wait.
I waited and now I'm pretty much too old.
Do it, you'll find a way