Contemplating having a child but really not sure about finances etc

[Janeyjacke]

31 and partner is 4 years younger
I'm on an hourly wage full time, earn about £1650 net per month minimum. Partner's on a zero hour contract, earns £1000 net as a minimum with £1400 net at the most usually.

We live in a studio flat so would need at least a 1 bed property.
Neither of us drive, my family are 35 miles away but it's around 35 minutes on the train, partner's family 100 miles away.
I'm very worried as to how we would manage for work/childcare. I work in childcare so I'm aware of how expensive it could be, and I'm really not sure what to do.
I have a friend who gave birth 5 months ago, her baby has endless personalised clothes with her name on, constant pictures on social media of whatever classes she's been to etc.

I also wouldn't get full maternity pay, only SMP so I wouldn't be able to take long off. My partner likes the idea of being a father but I admit we haven't discussed the practicalities yet.

Any honest advice and opinions greatly appreciated.

1 not married
2 living in a studio
3 minimum wage or less incomes for you both

Of course you should wait 🤷🏻‍♀️

Do either of you have capacity to earn more money - your partner especially??

Most of the things you need to buy can be bought second hand, you don't have to have a brand new £1k pushchair

I think you will need a plan long term though. Nursery is more than our mortgage and the child will need their own room eventually

We have friends going through fertility issues, they've been trying for a baby for a couple of years. If you wait and then try and find you have problems you could be mid thirties by then.

I'd sit down, work out a plan to find somewhere bigger, maybe jobs paying more and consider TTC sooner rather than later for reasons above

Sorry op I really wouldn't. Unmarried in a studio flat with a dp on zero hours min. wage ....
Where do you think you'll be financially in 1 years time ? Can you afford local childcare ? If not, can all living costs (massively rising) come from his salary? Doubtful.

You don't need personalised baby clothes and expensive classes. Ebay bundles and free baby drop-ins are just as good.

I agree that if we all wait for the absolutely perfect time to have a baby we would never do it!
I have also heard of the ( I think Spanish) phrase that translates roughly into 'a baby is born with milk on his lips' - yes you will make do but is that enough?!

Why not concentrate on a year of saving / getting a job that isn't zero hours ( your DP)

But you have a stable relationship and you both want this so that is the best thing!

Re: insta - stay off it! I know someone who bought loads of personalised pink baby clothes when pregnant - spent a fortune- yes you can guess what happened- she had a boy!

Good Luck!

On a practical note, move first. We had a one bed flat and a six month old. Moving was just more stressful with a little ones routine to consider.

Someone else on MN rightly described having a baby is like exploding a bomb in a relationship.

Any weakness in your relationship like money and emotional immaturity will shatter it.

Sitting down to talk about your partner getting of a zero hours contact and him taking the practical steps to do so, shows you have emotional maturity to talk about difficult things and deal with them well before you TTC. (Also if the worse comes to the worse financially he knows he can go back to zero hours work.)

I should add housing and other material things can be dealt with if necessary when the baby is here.

It isn't nice, but many of my friends and acquaintances have done it.

However they couldn't do it if they didn't have the foundations to get better paid jobs.

So for some of them it meant they had to learn how to drive and as well as change job.

It's not the "things" you need which are the expensive part. It's the time you have off work and the childcare costs which are the problem. You also live in a studio flat which is far from ideal.

You can give family a list of baby things you need, rather than them buying random gifts.

Your partner’s zero hour contract isn’t good.
Have you actually looked at how much nursery would cost ?

@Comedycook

It's not the "things" you need which are the expensive part. It's the time you have off work and the childcare costs which are the problem. You also live in a studio flat which is far from ideal.

Exactly. Lots of posters are saying about getting second hand stuff.. as if that solves it!

Not married, unsecure income, inadequate housing, not ideal sorry. I would personally wait until your partner had a stable job and you could afford a 2 bed.

As some have said. Stuff for the baby is not the problem, it can be very cheap or free or gifted.

It's the financial security (or lack of with a zero hours job) and either reduced earning power or childcare costs. Both of which are hugely costly. As a SAHM having a baby has outgoings of a few hundred, but stops my annual salary FT salary. Tens of thousands.

Personally in your situation, DP needs to show his commitment to a baby by having an income. And then move to a medium term rental. (1/2/3 bed.)

Move first.
Save for a year.

You’ll more than likely be entitled to UC and you’ll get child benefits of £84 a month when baby is born but they are so expensive.

We saved for 2 years before trying, got 90% of stuff second hand, he’s 2 now and still costs us a fortune! Nappies, wipes, formula, clothes every 3/6 months, even now (we still buy most of them second hand), plus now he likes toys, birthdays and Christmas are getting more expensive, soft plays, growth spurts add £10 a week onto the shopping because all he does is eat.

He easily adds £20 a week onto the food shop now in general. Fruit £4/5 a week as he inhales it. Same with crisps, biscuits and all his lunch time foods, I buy extra milk and cereal for him, vitamins monthly.

There’s no perfect time, but you could wait a year and be more prepared, maybe even start slowly collecting any friends old baby stuff!