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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think she could surely see me sooner

48 replies

000oooh · 04/03/2022 20:34

Have a friend I've known for about 5 years who's a Primary school teacher.
I'm a qualified teacher who left the profession so I am aware of the workload.
Haven't seen her in about 1.5 years now, yet we speak weekly.
I was invited to her birthday but had COVID so couldn't make it, I've just suggested to her that we meet up for a coffee and asked when she was next free.
Bearing in mind we live in the same city (15 mins travel time). She told me she can meet me during the next school holidays (14th April).

Aibu to think It's a bit far away. If we lived very far apart ok but makes me feel like I'm very low on her priority list, I guess I'll have to accept that I am. She has no children either.

OP posts:
cansu · 04/03/2022 20:36

Yes, that's ridiculous. I am a teacher and have kids. I can still arrange a catch up in a coffee shop within a couple of weeks.

Original poster
000oooh · 04/03/2022 20:38

Yeah, literally an hour meet up over the weekend or whatever. Ah well

OP posts:
ShirleyPhallus · 04/03/2022 20:39

Erm I think you’re being unreasonable tbh, my diary is bananas atm (apart from tonight obviously Grin) because everyone is still slowly emerging from covid

I genuinely am making plans about the same kind of timescale out atm

AlisonDonut · 04/03/2022 20:40

Come in now, teachers with no kids are allowed to do stuff and not sit at home just waiting for their friends to offer them a coffee. It's like you are assuming she has nothing else in her life apart from you.

MrsEG · 04/03/2022 20:41

She might just have a lot on. Not having kids doesn’t mean you don’t have lots of plans (quite the opposite usually!) - 14th April isn’t too far off at all. Im trying to arrange a catch up with friends at the moment and the next date we can do is June!!

Original poster
000oooh · 04/03/2022 20:44

It's around 6/7 weeks away, it's just a quick coffee, it's not a big weekend that needs lots of planning

OP posts:
Londonlassy · 04/03/2022 20:47

For me as an introvert and also working in a people facing role I need to find time each weekend for myself or else I become completely overwhelmed and exhausted. Your friend may be feeling the same as everyone is catching up and calendars are becoming crazy maybe she is just being careful to manage her mental health and she does want to see you but does not want to be overwhelmed with social engagements

luxxlisbon · 04/03/2022 20:48

Sometimes you just have loads of busy weekends back to back, that isn’t totally out of the ordinary.

LawnFever · 04/03/2022 20:50

Yabu for suggesting her not having kids means she should be more available.

I’ve got weekend plans every weekend between now and mid April too, then I’m on holiday and when I come back I have loads of plans too, it’s hardly unusual.

Flossieskeeper · 04/03/2022 20:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LawnFever · 04/03/2022 20:51

@000oooh

It's around 6/7 weeks away, it's just a quick coffee, it's not a big weekend that needs lots of planning
But she clearly already has busy weekend plans in place that are already arranged, so it doesn’t matter how quick your coffee would be.
blahblahbiscuits · 04/03/2022 20:53

I'd rather someone waited until they're properly free to meet me rather than just squeeze in a quick coffee. Especially as you haven't seen eachother in so long, perhaps she just wanted to be able to spend the morning or afternoon with you without having to rush off.

I have plans for every Saturday between now and the end of Easter. If a friend asked to meet up for coffee I couldnt.

People without kids have lives too.

JaneyJimplin · 04/03/2022 20:55

I couldn't meet you till after then. I've got my brother staying next weekend, an event and a family birthday the weekend after, then a holiday, then a wedding that requires an overnight stay.

Maybe she's just busy 🤷‍♀️

Prisonbreak · 04/03/2022 20:58

I’ve just planned to see my best friend on the 14th April. I have no kids and I’m self employed so I dictate my own hours however I have other commitments and things going on in my life. Luckily my friend understands this and supports me

AnnaSW1 · 04/03/2022 20:59

I'd be about the same TBH

appleturnovers · 04/03/2022 21:03

That's 6 weekends away.

I regularly have periods of my year where the next 6 weekends are fully booked up with me going away, visitors coming to ours, or other plans we've got on. Also, since you haven't seen each other for a year and a half maybe she wants to dedicate more time to your catch-up than a swift coffee.

SuziePorterrr · 04/03/2022 21:05

YABU. I think that’s just adult life? Confused

I’ve literally had a similar conversation with my best friend. I’m not free until April 9th now and we live a 20 minute drive from each other.

planetme · 04/03/2022 21:05

Yanbu I'd feel the same op

I honestly think some people have some kind of competitive look how busy I am thing going on

I've a few friendship groups and one in particular has been trying to Coordinate a meet up since before Xmas. but I can't be arsed anymore as I can do pretty much any date, but the others are all like omg soooo busy, so and so can do one date but another can't, it's honestly boring. They just have completely normal jobs and 1 or 2 dc each

I run two businesses and have 3 dc and yet I have spare time to see people if I wanted
I think we prioritise who we want to see and make time for those people

Sadly I think you're low down on this friends priorities

Allywill · 04/03/2022 21:07

Can’t speak for teachers but I have 2 friends i meet up with occasionally but not since covid so has been a while. Despite us all having grown up children and theoretically at least all the time in the world to meet up aside from working hours it often ends up in us agreeing a date 6/8 weeks in future just because well, one of us has a birthday that week, one is away with work the week after, and someone has weekend away so would like to avoid the Friday or Monday….and of course it’s book club on Tuesdays and I have yoga Thursdays….

Abraxan · 04/03/2022 21:16

To be fair my next free weekend is 8/9 April. Doing something on at least one day of the others, half of them busy whole weekend. Not because I teach but because we have various things booked in.

DrierThanANunsNasty · 04/03/2022 21:20

My next free weekend for a coffee is around then, so many people have been keen to make plans now we are emerging out of the depths of winter. I wouldn’t take it as a personal affront.

betwixtlives · 04/03/2022 21:24

Yabu. I need a lot of time to myself to decompress so it might not be that she’s booked solid, it’s that she’s prioritising her sanity

TinaTurtle · 04/03/2022 21:25

I'd do this if I was really looking forward to it and wanted to ensure I allotted proper time when I wasn't having to rush or risk having to cancel. Even if to you it is just a quick coffee. So, I think YABU to look at it negatively.

betwixtlives · 04/03/2022 21:25

Also it’s a bit shit of you to say ‘she doesn’t have kids’ as if people without kids have no life Confused

wingscrow · 04/03/2022 21:27

Enough with 'we are so busy we can't see you for weeks'.

You make time for things and people that matter to you. It is hardly difficult to find an hour or a bit less to have a coffee with someone you value.

Everyone on this thread sound like they have more engagements that the Queen....But somehow I bet they find time to spend hours on this site or to watch rubbish on TV.

Anyway, OP I would say something in the line of 'Let me check my diary and I will get back to you on that' then get on with your life without her. And get yourself some new friends.