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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Are the majority of people on here well-off?

332 replies

ThisBloodyNoiseInMyHead · 04/03/2022 20:13

As the title says, are most people on here financially well-off?

I've read about a woman who earns £32k a year, another who decorates every year, one who has got 1 4 bedroomed detached house, anther who has got a "budget" of £1 million to buy a house.

I live in a 1930s semi (mortgage paid), my husband earns £25k, I don't work (recovering from being very ill last year)and we haven't decorated for about 6 years. Am I the only working-class -strapped for cash- person on here?

OP posts:
OfstedOffred · 05/03/2022 07:59

Everything depends on the circles you move in too.

DH and I are on a really high income (250k plus). I know full well that in the context of this country that puts us right at the top. But in reality, we live in a 1980s detached 4 bed house (we are talking 190sq m, not a mcmansion), mortgaged to the hilt. Kids in state school, we go on uk holidays. We don't have what you might expect because we live in an expensive place, and we don't feel rich because friends/neighbours are lawyers, bankers, consultants, own their own businesses etc, and they are by and large better off than us.

Blueeyedgirl21 · 05/03/2022 07:59

People live like they’re skint on here, buying kids new stuff or taking them for a proper hair cut (mummy’s pudding bowl only) is seen as vulgar but spending £10k on a skiing holiday is seen as fine

lap90 · 05/03/2022 08:13

That generally does seem to be the MN stereotype tbh.

Although of course some people may lie about their circumstance - i've been on a forum where people have been 'outed' for doing so!

Ricksteinsfishwife · 05/03/2022 08:26

I don’t really understand the mindset of the handful of people accusing others of lying. For some reason if you say you’re skint you’re believed, but if you’re comfortable or more then you’re a liar, like anyone who is comfortable is some form of mythical unicorn and doesn’t exist in our society, 😂

ginslinger · 05/03/2022 08:27

I was a mid/high earner and DH still earns well. I changed career and work on a freelance basis and have dropped income significantly, but we could afford to do that. Based on the OP saying that she had read of someone earning £32k pa, I was earning 40Kpa over 20 years ago. I know I was lucky but I spent a lot of time studying and working to get to where I got to.

Hollyhead · 05/03/2022 08:34

The thing is threads about money will always attract people to share extremes, people are less likely to bother posting about their middle of the road 55k household income with 130k mortgage and about 1k in savings in case the boiler bursts!

Halllyup17 · 05/03/2022 08:35

I'm a carer for my disabled daughter. I get £270 a month. Thank fuck my husband shares his money with me because I'd be screwed if we took the stereotypical Mumsnet advice of keeping finances separate.

Classicblunder · 05/03/2022 08:37

I think you just notice what sticks out to you. We earn well and so do most of our friends so MN has genuinely been surprising to me the other way.

I would say the biggest thing that I notice and find surprising is the number of women who think it is obvious that they can never earn as much as their husbands and that is just a general fact of life. In real life, the high earning men I know are all married to high earning women. I even know women who out earn their husbands which seems very very rare on here

bibliomania · 05/03/2022 08:38

@Blueeyedgirl21

People live like they’re skint on here, buying kids new stuff or taking them for a proper hair cut (mummy’s pudding bowl only) is seen as vulgar but spending £10k on a skiing holiday is seen as fine
I probably fit this stereotype, though DD wouldn't let me near her hair and I've never skied in my life. But I've reached the age of 47 with second-hand furniture/charity shop clothes, and have never owned a dishwasher, tumble-dryer or car, yet I'm forking out £5k to take DD to SE Asia this summer. Booked, part paid for, long saved for and dreamed about. That's what I'd rather spend my money - I just don't care about the other stuff.
Libertybear80 · 05/03/2022 08:42

@Classicblunder I guess that's me now. I earn £10k more than DH and in a few years it will be £20k more but I've never felt comfortable depending on anyone for my financial security. I saw my own mum suffer in that way.

Fizbosshoes · 05/03/2022 08:43

I notice on the earnings threads there's an awful lot of people who they /their DH/ both earn 100kor more. In RL I think that puts them in something like top 7%.
However I think that it's possibly skewed by the fact that a lot of the very high earners are working at laptops or have a certain degree of flexibility in what they do with their time. People on NMW are cleaning/working in retail/care homes/driving for amazon/working in hospitality and won't have a phone on them to contribute to the thread. Similarly those on slightly higher but not massive wages might be teachers/police/nurses/vets/tube drivers etc who also wouldn't be online during the course of their working day.

Halllyup17 · 05/03/2022 08:44

A 32k salary might be 'average', but I bet it's only average because one person on £200k offsets many people on £18k.

Kingharoldshairstyle · 05/03/2022 08:46

@Halllyup17

A 32k salary might be 'average', but I bet it's only average because one person on £200k offsets many people on £18k.
No not really it’s the mean salary.
Mumoblue · 05/03/2022 08:52

I mean, you own your house, so to me you’re well-off.
But no, I’m pretty much as skint as it gets, because I’m a single mum on UC with no way of changing that right now. (And I’ve seen more than enough about how MN views people like me Hmm )

OldTinHat · 05/03/2022 08:58

Nope. Disabled here, live alone and trying to get by on ESA. Which is impossible btw!

bullbyh · 05/03/2022 08:59

Honestly I'm always surprised how little people earn on here. I feel like people in very serious professional careers just don't earn enough money for their effort at all. I always wonder why they don't get into different industries. Unless of course they love their jobs and they're actually helping people- like NHS, police etc.

I decided early on, I was either going to work in some sort of 'giving back' job OR I was going to go 100 percent into what would make me the most money. I saw how expensive life is and decided to go for the second option.

I am nothing special at all, but stumbled across a career in tech after university and everyone I know in my industry makes at least 150 k. We aren't special and we don't work anywhere near as hard as some people do. Starting salaries in my industry are at the very least 30-40 k plus bonus etc.

Like I said, we are nothing special at all. There's just a lot of money in the industry. Also lots of people without degrees work in my industry, so not having a degree isn't a blocker.

I would urge anyone looking for a change to look into tech jobs. I think it's a lucrative sector and not as hard to get into as finance / banking etc.

CarrieHughes · 05/03/2022 09:10

@bullbyh

Honestly I'm always surprised how little people earn on here. I feel like people in very serious professional careers just don't earn enough money for their effort at all. I always wonder why they don't get into different industries. Unless of course they love their jobs and they're actually helping people- like NHS, police etc.

I decided early on, I was either going to work in some sort of 'giving back' job OR I was going to go 100 percent into what would make me the most money. I saw how expensive life is and decided to go for the second option.

I am nothing special at all, but stumbled across a career in tech after university and everyone I know in my industry makes at least 150 k. We aren't special and we don't work anywhere near as hard as some people do. Starting salaries in my industry are at the very least 30-40 k plus bonus etc.

Like I said, we are nothing special at all. There's just a lot of money in the industry. Also lots of people without degrees work in my industry, so not having a degree isn't a blocker.

I would urge anyone looking for a change to look into tech jobs. I think it's a lucrative sector and not as hard to get into as finance / banking etc.

What specific field are you in that makes 150K? Interested.

@Hollyhead has it bang on. Everybody is either a single mum on benefits or has 2 kids in private school, ski holidays etc.

There are also blissfully unaware people like the OP. If you were struggling to pay gas bills, or eat, fair enough.

But you've got no mortgage and haven't 'redecorated'... god save me. Working class doesn't mean poor you know. And you're definitely well off comapred to a large proportion of the country.

AllOfUsAreDead · 05/03/2022 09:12

@Ricksteinsfishwife

I don’t really understand the mindset of the handful of people accusing others of lying. For some reason if you say you’re skint you’re believed, but if you’re comfortable or more then you’re a liar, like anyone who is comfortable is some form of mythical unicorn and doesn’t exist in our society, 😂
Because most people don't pretend they've hit rock bottom. Some do, but they are usually quite mentally ill. Most normal people prefer to pretend everything is OK and that they aren't in any financial difficulty. It's the same with everything, pretend you're in a happy marriage, pretend your kids are angels, pretend you aren't eating beans on toast every night, pretend you're a happy self caring person that isn't depressed and anxious all the time. People lie all the time, for a variety of reasons. They do this to people they know face to face, just take a look on fb or Instagram for 5 mins and you'll see at least 100 people lying in some way, even if it's small. Pretending they are happy is a big one these days.

People aren't going to suddenly change an ingrained habit of years of lying just for a public forum. If they see someone say they own a 500k house outright, they have to one up them or be the same or similar. Read through a house thread, it just escalates and the houses and money get bigger and bigger. And you think that's all real? Think you might be a little naive to how depressed people can actually be with their own lives. This is one area where they can fake a happy life, pretend everything is OK and no one in real life can know they are lying.

hobstey · 05/03/2022 09:14

In real life, the high earning men I know are all married to high earning women. I even know women who out earn their husbands which seems very very rare on here

Yes I agree, everyone is married to someone with a similar professional job.

Nidan2Sandan · 05/03/2022 09:14

Our joint income is £94k and we're constantly skint Grin but then we have a mortgage to pay and live in an expensive area of the country.

We also pay a large proportion of our monthly income into our pension as we dont want a skint future and our retirement age is 10 years away.

hobstey · 05/03/2022 09:15

I was earning 40Kpa over 20 years ago.

Tbf though salaries haven't really changed much over that time.

BigupPemberleyMassive · 05/03/2022 09:16

Most people are paying at least a thousand pounds in rent or mortgage each month. So to them, you have a thousand extra per month that they do not.

To many YOU are rich.

bullbyh · 05/03/2022 09:23

@CarrieHughes software.

KatherineofGaunt · 05/03/2022 09:24

But you don't have a mortgage, OP? So then your one £24k wage goes just as far, if not further, than my £31k wage with £650/month mortgage.

You're rich compared to me!

But yes, many people on here complaining about problems I wish I had! Not able to go on the annual ski holiday this year, which private school should they send the kids to, where to move if you have a house budget of £900k...

Got to just do you!

jytdtysrht · 05/03/2022 09:25

People who decorate every year must have it as their hobby or something. Or feel bad when they see estate agents on TV saying stuff needs updating. We haven’t decorated for years. Furniture is all plain Ikea stuff. Perfectly good.

I saw a video with a couple whose house wouldn’t sell. Fixers came in - got rid of their old sofas and furniture (all functional and clean, just not brand new). Got rid of functional light fixtures because they weren’t standing out enough. Chucking out decent stuff because of image. Instagram and the like has a lot to answer for.