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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Rant about having to do it all when DH is isolating

38 replies

OliveOyl321 · 04/03/2022 18:59

This isn’t really a AIBU because I know I am.
3 children - 5, 2 and a 4 month old so life is busy. My husband tested positive for covid on Tuesday and has been self isolating in our spare room ever since. Very sensible, I support it. He feels fine, just tired and a bit of a headache thankfully.

But…it means I’m doing it all and I’m wrecked. We both obviously want to keep it from the baby and the other kids even though I don’t think they would be as affected. Me and DH are a team when he finishes work regarding DC - bedtime etc. He normally does the last feed for the baby while I go to bed. It’s the only time when I’m not on call with the kids if you get me. I scroll through here or read or generally just fall asleep before baby needs me in the night.

I’ve just tried to wrangle the two DC inside with tears and shouting (mainly them, some me 😂) and spotted DH through the window eating the tea I just dropped up and watching Netflix. I know it must be hard being in one room but right now I’d swap places for the peace! (Not making little of people suffering from covid, sorry).

Just feeling sorry for myself. AIBU for feeling jealous of the break he’s getting?

OP posts:

Sexnotgender · 04/03/2022 19:02

I have a 3 year old and a 10 month old.

DH had covid a few weeks ago.

He didn’t hide in a room, we got on as normal. The only change we made was he slept in the the spare room so he didn’t breath on me overnight.

I’d have been pissed off if he expected me to do everything when all that was wrong was he had a bit of a headache.

PulledPineapple · 04/03/2022 19:10

I had it the other way round, me and DC had covid, OH didn’t. So I had covid and had to do everything as well. Wasn’t great.

Original poster

OliveOyl321 · 04/03/2022 19:12

@Sexnotgender were you not worried the baby would get it? That’s our main reason for isolating. It’s not so much his symptoms as to why he’s isolating, more to save us getting it.

OP posts:

Original poster

OliveOyl321 · 04/03/2022 19:13

@PulledPineapple That’s crap! Poor you.

OP posts:

Mummy1608 · 04/03/2022 19:14

My dd got it aged 16 months and was completely fine. It didn't even make it into her top 10 illnesses to date. She had some very mild diarrhoea on the first day, then maybe coughed three times the next day, and had a mini sniffle, that was it. No temperature and fine after 2-3 days.

Omicron is really very mild

Cyw2018 · 04/03/2022 19:15

Next week when you have caught COVID anyway, will you get to spend the week in the spare room whilst DH does everything for all 3 children including the tiny baby?

Didn't thinks so...

Tell him, his isolation stops now and he fully contributes to family life.

Mummy1608 · 04/03/2022 19:16

Ps and I'm not a super chilled mum either, we've rushed her to a+e with croup in the past. I've been on the phone to 111 a few times with various health worries, some of which turned out to be nothing.

So even with my slightly overworrying tendencies, it was still a total nothing of an illness

gemloving · 04/03/2022 19:19

I only have 2 and I don't think this would happen in my house. If he's well and able, get him and FFP2 or FFP3 mask, wash hands loads. Don't joint at dinner time etc. Keep away from baby as much as he can't.

Bigcheesey · 04/03/2022 19:20

I honestly would not be running yourself ragged.

I caught covid whilst my DC (10 months) and DH were in the house. Like the poster above life continued as normal for DH and DC and neither of them caught it from me.

It’s not a terrifying disease to be scared of (for most people! Obviously if you are CV then I understand different measures may need to be taken) and don’t make yourself ill/ exhausted when kids are petridishes of infection as it is.

UpToMyElbowsInDiapers · 04/03/2022 19:22

I’m a close contact of someone who tested positive today. I’m nervous about my 9-month-old getting COVID but there’s no way I’ll be isolating from him at this point… it’s family isolation for us, I think, and praying for the best.

The reality with omicron is that it’s so transmissible, isolating successfully in a household is virtually impossible. Our nanny had COVID over the holidays. She’s a former nurse and well versed in infection control. The minute she felt unwell, she put on an N95 mask, opened all the windows in her apartment, created a washroom schedule that left HOURS for the air to clear before her flat mate went in, had her meals delivered to her bedroom door, everyone was double vaxxed and boosted… the flatmate still got it.

billy1966 · 04/03/2022 19:25

@Cyw2018

Next week when you have caught COVID anyway, will you get to spend the week in the spare room whilst DH does everything for all 3 children including the tiny baby?

Didn't thinks so...

Tell him, his isolation stops now and he fully contributes to family life.

OP, This OR you can you go away for a few days and leave him with the older two.

Nidan2Sandan · 04/03/2022 19:26

Dont be a martyr, chances are he was spreading his germs before his positive anyway so you may all catch it.

He doesnt feel unwell, he needs to get off Netflix and help..

cherrytopcake · 04/03/2022 19:28

Start making your life easier for yourself and don't isolate in one room ? These aren't even government guidelines so why are you putting yourself/family through it ? The vaccines were brought in to end this exact situation. In the height on the pandemic, isolating made sense but two two years on ? Really ? Live your life normally, others are. No one is expecting you to isolate in one room so why are you doing it to yourself ? The most vulnerable have been offered vaccines and can socially distance/shield to keep themselves safe. Yes it's not perfect but we can't live our lives in hiding anymore because of the virus.

cadburyegg · 04/03/2022 19:28

I don't think it's reasonable for him to be isolating. Chances are you'll already have been exposed to his germs anyway before he started isolating.

FWIW my 4 year old had covid in February. I didn't catch it, despite the fact I couldn't isolate from him at all and he also coughed in my face several times.

BogRollBOGOF · 04/03/2022 19:29

DP failed to get it from me from the same bed. It was Christmas so we were constantly together anyway.
DS2 had a faint LFT line and one morning when he had a long lie in and a temporary mildly raised temperature.

I would not tolerate DH abdicating from all family life to dodge a mild cold.

PinkiOcelot · 04/03/2022 19:29

Are people really isolating from family at home? We just got on with it.

cherrytopcake · 04/03/2022 19:30

[quote OliveOyl321]@Sexnotgender were you not worried the baby would get it? That’s our main reason for isolating. It’s not so much his symptoms as to why he’s isolating, more to save us getting it.[/quote]
Young children are pretty much unaffected by it (a cold at worst) - this has always been the case since day one and research still proves this

SirSamVimesCityWatch · 04/03/2022 19:40

Ridiculous at this stage. He's not even legally obligated to stay at home.

BOOTS52 · 04/03/2022 19:42

Poor you that must be really hard with the little ones. Seems like your husband is enjoying his break and relaxing. I would give him a day or two to relax and isolate but then back to normal life. Try to get the kids to bed earlier than usual so you get a bit of time to yourself but do not be running and fetching for your husband all the time as he is not really ill but isolating. Hope you and the little ones do not get it but it is fairly mild now anyway.

Sexnotgender · 04/03/2022 19:44

@Cyw2018

Next week when you have caught COVID anyway, will you get to spend the week in the spare room whilst DH does everything for all 3 children including the tiny baby?

Didn't thinks so...

Tell him, his isolation stops now and he fully contributes to family life.

My DH had covid and I never got it.

Sexnotgender · 04/03/2022 19:45

[quote OliveOyl321]@Sexnotgender were you not worried the baby would get it? That’s our main reason for isolating. It’s not so much his symptoms as to why he’s isolating, more to save us getting it.[/quote]
We figured we’d all get it anyway as we lived in the same house.

Turned out none of us got it other than him.

Lady0racle · 04/03/2022 19:45

It’s not 2020 anymore. Omicron is mild for most. Unless there’s a massive drip feed coming about one of you being CEV, there’s no need for him to isolate in one room.

ShowOfHands · 04/03/2022 19:46

My dh did a 6 month deployment to the Middle East and would face time in the evening to chat to the DCs while they ate. I used to joke that he had eaten dinner cooked by their chefs, and left his crockery to be washed by various staff, housekeeping had made his bed and he was sitting and chatting to his children without having to do any shopping, cooking, cleaning, school runs, general life admin etc. And at the end of it all, he was sent to a beach for a few days to "decompress". Where was my decompression, eh?

We are/were both horribly unreasonable but it's hard work doing it all when you're used to teamwork. Twill be over soon though.

OnceuponaRainbow18 · 04/03/2022 19:46

Get him out and helping and wearing a mask.

I had covid last week we aired the rooms and I wore a mask and carried on as normal in our home

cushioncovers · 04/03/2022 19:49

Op honestly unless any of your children are vulnerable health wise there's no need for your dp to be isolating. If you get it next week will he take the week off of work and let you sit in the bedroom for an entire week chilling out watching tv with a headache and a bit of a sore throat?

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