Advertising I’m a female?

[SparrowLand]

Hi! I recently passed my driving test (after a long wait!) and got my first car. I am disabled so having a car is a HUGE deal to me because it’s given me a sense of freedom I didn’t even know I could have.

Anyway, because of this, I am super excited. I’ve bought a few nice things to put into my car. Nothing extravagant or OTT but black floor mats with pink trims, a couple of girly looking air vent clips, pink coasters to go in the cup holders, a stereotypically ‘girly’ looking air freshener and a few other small bits.

I picked my Mum up yesterday and she told me I was putting a target on myself as people would walk past my car and know I am automatically a female. I am usually extra safe and nervous with things like this due to past life experiences so I’m wondering if I’m being stupid. As I said, it’s not OTT and I don’t have a pink fluffy steering wheel cover, pink seats or anything dramatic like that but if you glanced through the window you would probably presume it was a woman’s car. I just got over excited because it’s my first car and it means so much to me to finally have one and I don’t know if I should take it out to be safe or if my Mum is being dramatic?

FWIW, I live in a flat that has secure underground parking but obviously it isn’t kept there all of the time. I’m not asking your personal opinion on having these things in the car and if they look nice, as I know it isn’t for everyone. I’m just questioning the safety aspect of it.

It's not at all surprising that you jumped from one set of stereotypes to its exact opposite. But you know... .maybe at least recognise that you are doing that. And why it's so important to signify to other people in that way.

Why isn't it surprising? She liked one style, now she likes another. Or more accurately a combination of the two.

I don't think you need to worry about it. Possibly your mum is extra cautious about your safety because of your disability (understandable of course) and this has prompted her reaction.

Enjoy your car, congratulations on passing your test, and kit it out however you want!! :)

@BusinessMindThoughts

How is this "targeting" supposed to work? Someone is more likely to break into it when empty because it belongs to a woman? Or they see the car, wait for you to return, when they see... that yes, you're a woman? But you walking around as a woman is the same risk?

Congrats, driving is great especially when you've relied on public transport your whole life! I'd ignore your mum unless there is some actual practical risk I haven't thought of?

The latter apparently! My Mum seems to think that if there is anyone about who is up to no good, they will lurk in the shadows for me to return

I understand her concerns but I am not a young girl either! I do have quite bad anxiety so the likelihood of me having to return to my car alone in the dark at the moment is very low. Currently I am driving to work and hospital appointments in the day light when it’s busy so I do think the risk of someone peering through my window, seeing a bit of pink and deciding to follow me home is low. I’m glad I asked on here though! Maybe I should buy car eyelashes just to stick on next time I go to see her!

@LindaEllen

I don't think you need to worry about it. Possibly your mum is extra cautious about your safety because of your disability (understandable of course) and this has prompted her reaction.

Enjoy your car, congratulations on passing your test, and kit it out however you want!! :)

I do think that this is more than likely why she is so worried. If someone was to attack I would be a lot less likely than an able bodied person to fight them off. But I can’t live in fear just because of that and as others have said that risk is always there when I’m just walking around as a woman, regardless of what my car looks like.

I will try to reassure her whilst also not letting her influence what I buy for the car!

@TristesseDurera

It's embarrassing and tasteless but I don't think it's dangerous.

Right back 'atcha!

If your mum is on mumsnet and reading some of the regular threads and posts, I can understand why she's being overly cautious enough to think having signs of a 'female-driven or owned car' is not safe.

The world isn't safe, yes and men are mostly at fault but from mumsnet, you'd probably think there's a man on every corner waiting to pounce on a woman.

Assure your mum that you'd be fine. Women drive alone, live alone, walk alone everyday. Unless you live in a particularly dangerous area, you can have lashes on your car and it wouldn't make a difference.

Congrats on passing your test and your new car. You can pimp it however you want - it's yours to enjoy. Don't pay any mind to what anyone has to say about it.

Nah, OP, I used to drive an 09 Golf GTI in midnight blue. People would remark on it being a "Man Car" (they only made this remark once, before getting a piece of my mind 😅)
It contained no pink or frills. Not even so much as a Jelly Belly. (I'm just a very boring motorist).

The whole car was stolen by a man that broke into my house and took my handbag. (As well as my childhood money box, all of my wine and spirits and a hockey stick).

I was not targeted because I am one of the Vagina People. And driving a Car of The Penised did not save me.

Your mum is being over cautious. Enjoy your new wheels!!xxx

I think your fine OP. I also don’t think it’s embarrassing or tasteless. I’m always jealous of people who keep their car nice and have nice decorations inside. My four year old would destroy anything I put in the car as he climbs across everything with muddy trainers.

@TulipCat

I have heard that it is the opposite - a girly looking car is less likely to be vandalised or stolen for joyriding.

I actually used to have a car with fluffy pink seat warmers for exactly this reason! I wanted something warm and cosy, the pink ones were cheaper and I figured it was an anti theft device.

I was not targeted because I am one of the Vagina People. And driving a Car of The Penised did not save me.

🤣

Love this! 'Vagina people'. 'Car of the Penised'.

[quote TristesseDurera]@CityHigh

I find this response embarrassing and tasteless.

That's absolutely fine. Taste is, by definition, subjective. [/quote]
Politeness, however, is not.

I wouldn’t worry about it. I do avoid specifically girly things on my car if we are going abroad etc (I’m a lone parent, which I worry makes me a target) but not in this country. I’m confident enough that criminal men want my money/stuff more than my body and I make certain I’m well insured and will just hand it over and deal with replacing everything. It they want my body, it’s about their issues and there’s fuck all I can do about it, so why stress over it? Enjoy your freedom!

You’re fine OP! My car looks like it belongs to a woman too. I for one, couldn’t give a toss about pink fluffy things. I work in a male oriented profession, don’t wear makeup, or do anything that fits in with a typical female stereotype. We can sit here and argue against them all day but they do exist.

I have a car you would think that is a ‘car of the penised’- love that by the way! I was sick to death of people commenting on it, asking who’s it was, not speaking to me at the garage, coming up to my DH whilst we were out. So I have covered it in pink fluffy things. Not because I like them, so people will fuck off! I still get the odd comment, just not as bad. I wish stereotypes didn’t exist, but they do both ways.

At least men address me when it comes to my car now and I’m not just a woman driving her DH’s fast car. We have to do what we have to do. I quite like collecting obscenely in your face things to stick on the dash now.

I mean they're going to realise you are a woman when you get into it, so I'm not sure how having or not having pink trim changes that.

I've never heard of such a thing with your car being a danger. I only heard it's dangerous to "advertise" at your home that you are a woman living alone.

While I do have an irrational hatred of the color pink (propably due to a combination of internalized misogyny and a history of having this color foisted onto me at every time during my childhood) I can't criticise, because that would make me a hypocrite. I put blue things in my car at every turn.

I agree with your mum, but I'm probably the same age

I think its you that would attract attention rather then the car and be followed, a sod looking at a car has no idea what age you are how fit your are or if your a gay man. its you they will be looking for.

however it depends I am not a car thief I dont know if women are more likely to leave certain items of value in a car more then a man thus your car maybe more likely to suffer a breakin. perhaps you can look that up.

When I first started driving I worked in a restaurant and used to return to my car at midnight-1am. I purposefully avoided anything in or on my car that marked me out as female, and I suppose it's something I've done ever since.

Do whatever makes you safe and happy. If you're not hanging out in retailparks alone at midnight having a pink trim in your car probably won't alter the statistical chances of you being a targeted victim of crime.

The latter apparently! My Mum seems to think that if there is anyone about who is up to no good, they will lurk in the shadows for me to return

But wouldn't they just lurk looking for any woman to return to her car? I don't see how identifying that a car belongs to a woman is helpful to the criminal, unless you live somewhere where it's mainly men who drive /park?

[quote TristesseDurera]@Ohwowhoho

Black floor mats with pink trims are embarrassing? confused You should see my house!

Not so much the floor mats specifically as the weird obsession with pink everything, everywhere, as if something terrible would happen if we don't All Indicate Unequivocally That We Are Being Female At All Times.

I don't feel like I need to advertise a cartoon stereotype of femininity just to exist in the world.

I can't begin to understand the thought process behind putting eyelashes on my car headlights. But then I don't wear false eyelashes on my actual eyes either. I'm really doing womanhood all wrong.[/quote]
Aww, are you Not Like Other Girls? Congratulations

@SparrowLand

Thanks for the comments! I did think she was being over cautious but as it’s my first car I was second guessing myself!

It’s definitely not a fiat 500! It’s actually a big bulky thing due to the nature of my condition as I’ve had to have a few adaptions made to it. In the first week of getting it I had a lot of (unwanted) comments from men asking if I was driving my husbands car

Tell them to fuck off.

I used to have eyelashes, a diamanté rear view mirror, pink wiper blades, seat and steering wheel covers with purple butterflies on. Pink hub caps. A butterfly tax disc holder.

You do you op.

I think shes being a bit paranoid.

Not my cup of tea but you do you. I'm impressed anyone has enough time on their hands to decorate their car. I barely have time to go to the toilet some days let alone 'pinkify' my car.