Advertising I’m a female?

[SparrowLand]

Hi! I recently passed my driving test (after a long wait!) and got my first car. I am disabled so having a car is a HUGE deal to me because it’s given me a sense of freedom I didn’t even know I could have.

Anyway, because of this, I am super excited. I’ve bought a few nice things to put into my car. Nothing extravagant or OTT but black floor mats with pink trims, a couple of girly looking air vent clips, pink coasters to go in the cup holders, a stereotypically ‘girly’ looking air freshener and a few other small bits.

I picked my Mum up yesterday and she told me I was putting a target on myself as people would walk past my car and know I am automatically a female. I am usually extra safe and nervous with things like this due to past life experiences so I’m wondering if I’m being stupid. As I said, it’s not OTT and I don’t have a pink fluffy steering wheel cover, pink seats or anything dramatic like that but if you glanced through the window you would probably presume it was a woman’s car. I just got over excited because it’s my first car and it means so much to me to finally have one and I don’t know if I should take it out to be safe or if my Mum is being dramatic?

FWIW, I live in a flat that has secure underground parking but obviously it isn’t kept there all of the time. I’m not asking your personal opinion on having these things in the car and if they look nice, as I know it isn’t for everyone. I’m just questioning the safety aspect of it.

What exactly is your mum worried about? It's not more or less likely to get broken into because its owned by a female. And if you're in or next to it, they will presumably be able to tell you're female anyway

I seem to remember around 30 years ago, this was advice given by police particularly to women who parked in station car parks and returned late, when they would be pretty much deserted.

I think that was to do with the fad of putting teddy bears all over the dashboard and the back shelf, from those claw machines you see.

[quote TristesseDurera]@MrsSkylerWhite

Seems like the op's question has been answered unanimously though.
I thought the question of why women feel they need to perform and advertise their femininity at all times was quite relevant to the thread, and not specific to me, but I shall now leave it for another 1000 posts to say "wow op you sound awesome and your mum is wrong".[/quote]
I actually think it’s very sad if you think having things that you personally find nice is performing.

My DP has a car that all men congratulate him on. You would presume a man drives it by looking at it, especially by the was he accessorieses it. Is he performing? Why can’t we just have things that we think are nice instead of it being a statement. Should be actively avoid things marketed towards females as a statement?

I think OP does sound awesome. Driving when you have a health condition and a disability that limits you is a big achievement that she would be congratulated on.

That's absolutely fine. Taste is, by definition, subjective

Except you didn't say 'in your opinion'. You presented it as an absolute fact.

Have what you want @SparrowLand. Your car, your taste. There are few times in life when you can have exactly what you want. This is one of those times. Go for it, and don't worry about the pink/female angle. Enjoy your car!

OP I use to have a pink laptop.

One of my male colleagues saw it and was impressed as I'm not a pink person.

Well he was impressed until I told him I brought it because it was cheaper than the other colours.....

@SparrowLand

Thanks for the comments! I did think she was being over cautious but as it’s my first car I was second guessing myself!

It’s definitely not a fiat 500! It’s actually a big bulky thing due to the nature of my condition as I’ve had to have a few adaptions made to it. In the first week of getting it I had a lot of (unwanted) comments from men asking if I was driving my husbands car

I know, it is a complete embarrassment for the human race that there are people so stupid to assume that a woman driving a large car must have borrowed it from her husband. You may wish to join us over on this thread.

Congrats on passing your test and enjoy your new found freedom and lovely car.

@TristesseDurera has it not occurred to you that some people might just like these things?

The OP specifically asked for no opinions on her belongings so I’m bowing out now. Enjoy your day ☀️

@SpongeBobJudgeyPants

That's absolutely fine. Taste is, by definition, subjective

Except you didn't say 'in your opinion'. You presented it as an absolute fact.

Have what you want @SparrowLand. Your car, your taste. There are few times in life when you can have exactly what you want. This is one of those times. Go for it, and don't worry about the pink/female angle. Enjoy your car!

I assumed that the "I believe... is true" was implicit in my post, as in all declarative statements. Like yours. It's kind of implied.

Great that so many women, for completely individual reasons and with no cultural pressures,have independently decided that they just happen to love pink, and false eyelashes, and all the things that other completely individual, independent women have coincidentally decided they also like.

And definitely no value in questioning cultural pressures around performing femininity. Absolutely not. I apologise for my mistake.

@SparrowLand
its your car, do whatever you want with it. ( your money I assume)

I’ve got a couple of big loud motorbikes and I don’t give a shit what other ppl think, my money my choice.

[quote justasoul]@TristesseDurera has it not occurred to you that some people might just like these things?

The OP specifically asked for no opinions on her belongings so I’m bowing out now. Enjoy your day ☀️[/quote]
Weird how those people who just happen to like pink, false eyelashes, etc. etc. are all female people, isn't it?

To the extent that putting those things on your car is considered to be an unequivocal declaration that you are female?

Which was indeed the starting point of the thread.

If it was just a coincidence then presumably it would be 50/50 and no indication at all of someone's sex or gender. Right?

I think I'm like your DM. Food for thought.

Great that so many women, for completely individual reasons and with no cultural pressures,have independently decided that they just happen to love pink, and false eyelashes, and all the things that other completely individual, independent women have coincidentally decided they also like

This made me laugh because from the ages of 12-16 I was a black lipstick wearing, black haired, self declared goth who was repulsed at the idea of liking pink. I wore black for four years straight. Then I realised I actually like colour. I got so many comments on the fact that I was attempting to make a statement and I think I probably, actually was. But I do just like the colour pink. We can’t win.

I like pink. I like false lashes. I also like skulls and cross bones and black velvet and have a giant snake tattoo. Is there anything I can like that I won’t be judged on?

Anyway thanks to everyone else. You’ve been really helpful. I won’t be removing anything from my car and I feel a lot less nervous and not like I’m ‘advertising’ myself as my Mum said!

I want cushions, false eye lashes and glitter for my car now. Bring a big of joy into the world
It sounds lovely

@ElsieLappin

I want cushions, false eye lashes and glitter for my car now. Bring a big of joy into the world It sounds lovely

I fell down the rabbit hole of watching ‘cartoks’ on TikTok last night! If you search “girly car finds” you’ll be amazed at some of the stuff (maybe shite) you can get! It certainly puts my pink trimmed mats to shame

CityHigh

TristesseDurera
It's embarrassing and tasteless but I don't think it's dangerous.
I find this response embarrassing and tasteless.

Yep! @CityHigh

@SparrowLand

Great that so many women, for completely individual reasons and with no cultural pressures,have independently decided that they just happen to love pink, and false eyelashes, and all the things that other completely individual, independent women have coincidentally decided they also like

This made me laugh because from the ages of 12-16 I was a black lipstick wearing, black haired, self declared goth who was repulsed at the idea of liking pink. I wore black for four years straight. Then I realised I actually like colour. I got so many comments on the fact that I was attempting to make a statement and I think I probably, actually was. But I do just like the colour pink. We can’t win.

I like pink. I like false lashes. I also like skulls and cross bones and black velvet and have a giant snake tattoo. Is there anything I can like that I won’t be judged on?

Anyway thanks to everyone else. You’ve been really helpful. I won’t be removing anything from my car and I feel a lot less nervous and not like I’m ‘advertising’ myself as my Mum said!

It's not at all surprising that you jumped from one set of stereotypes to its exact opposite. But you know... .maybe at least recognise that you are doing that. And why it's so important to signify to other people in that way.

Or don't. It's your life. Good luck to you.

@TristesseDurera

It's embarrassing and tasteless but I don't think it's dangerous.

'Embarrassing' for who? Faux embarrassment for others = judgemental.

I think your Mum is being a bit overly-cautious - as many Mum's are. However, as a PP already said, women modifying our behaviour so we don't attract male attention ('good' or 'bad') won't help us avoid it. Many men are pricks, regardless of anything we do/don't do.

Enjoy your car and your new found freedom, OP. I passed my test years and years ago, but the novelty of being able to drive still hasn't left me!

Congrats on passing your driving test and your new found freedom, OP.

It's your car, you can dress it up however you like. Unfortunately all women are vulnerable and need to take basic safety precautions, but I don't think what you put in your car is going to increase your level of risk at all.

Here are some more useful tips for you:

womenagainstcrime.com/safety-tips-for-women-drivers/

www.driverside.com/auto-library/three_crucial_safety_tips_for_women_who_drive_alone-983

www.coverage.com/insurance/auto/safety-tips-for-women-drivers/

I have heard that it is the opposite - a girly looking car is less likely to be vandalised or stolen for joyriding.

Thanks @SparrowLand 👍
I have a very 'petrolhead' person's car, it also has a very deep loud purr, so it would be even funnier to put it all on that

It's not at all surprising that you jumped from one set of stereotypes to its exact opposite. But you know... .maybe at least recognise that you are doing that.

How have I jumped to the exact opposite because I have a pink trimmed mat that is 95% black and 5% pink? I am genuinely confused. Please can you explain further? Owning something pink is joining a stereotype? What colour do you suggest I buy so I don’t fit this stereotype? As I said, these are the only pink things in my car. What am I signifying to others? What colour should I wear? I’m wearing black doc martens, blue jeans and a grey top today. What am I signifying with this outfit? Am I outside of your “stereotypes” with this? Stop trying to fit me in a stereotype box. I’m allowed to like what colours I like without falling in line with the patriarchy, I actually find your responses quite rude.

The other “girly air freshener” I have is a purple Yankee candle hanging thing. Which I alone don’t think makes it look like a female owns it, but paired with pink trimmed mats probably does. I for one don’t have and never will have eyelashes on my car.

How is this "targeting" supposed to work? Someone is more likely to break into it when empty because it belongs to a woman?
Or they see the car, wait for you to return, when they see... that yes, you're a woman? But you walking around as a woman is the same risk?

Congrats, driving is great especially when you've relied on public transport your whole life! I'd ignore your mum unless there is some actual practical risk I haven't thought of?

Ignore @TristesseDurera, we are allowed to like what you like without falling into a stereotype. I’m not sure what kind of fight she is looking for on this thread.

I covert a sticker saying 'my other car is a broomstick'... I'd need a car to put it on though.