To keep sister away from daughters birthday

[Feelingsicky]

My daughters 6th birthday is in 2 days. I have OCD and covid has been an enormous challenge for me and triggered a lot. Family aware of this. I have sought therapy and am now doing really well.

Throughout the whole pandemic I have been consistent with family, who tend to bend the rules re covid restrictions/isolation or play ignorant. E.g my mum defending her partners multiple ‘social bubbles’ by telling me she doesn’t think he knows what it means. He’s an engineer for crying out loud. I have told family, if you’re having contact with me and my children, just follow the advice/rules before you visit, otherwise do what you like, I’m not here to police them.

Anyway, upcoming daughters birthday. My sister has gone to see her covid positive bf within the last few days, more than once, they don’t live together. Stating ‘the rules have lifted’, well things only changed about 5 minutes ago and the advice is still to isolate it’s just not a legal requirement anymore.

I’m not comfortable with her coming to the house now, and my mum is sending me messages asking if she can. I even said to her before she saw him, I won’t feel comfortable her coming to my house within a few days of seeing him while he’s positive and she did it anyway.

I also have a baby at home. I know my OCD will play a role in how I follow the advice re covid, but I’m literally asking them to just follow the advice before they see us, nothing more. One way I look at it, is if he had flu, would she see him and then come here, where there’s a baby, no.

AIBU to say she can’t come?

Of course yanbu @Feelingsicky !!!

Regardless of legal requirement to isolate with covid being lifted, no caring aunt would risk passing covid onto her newborn niece! Or even her 6 year old neice. Or anyone if they could help it including the other DCs at birthday party.

Sister has spent time snogging her covid positive bf after he was positive? She will likely be contagious before LFTs show it. I caught covid from my DCs it took FIVE DAYS for it to show as positive in LFTs despite covid symptoms all those five days. I was so ill with covid as well- wiped out and needed lots of medication from GP. A new baby's lungs arent strong enough to take risk . I'm into third week now and it's just starting to clear up.

I absolutely did not go out with covid, not even when restrictions lifted. That would have been height of selfishness. Just bc 'you can doesn't mean you should' as the guidance is clear you should avoid sharing it, they "recommend". Your sister is choosing to expose herself to covid with her bf. She doesn't come to your nieces birthday party or to your house for at least a few weeks until it's absolutely certain she's clear.

This is nothing to do with your OCD. It's you being a parent that is causing you to say no to your ridiculous and thoughtless sister who thinks nothing of putting your Baby's life at risk

Glad you are sticking to your guns. Tell your mum to stop texting you about it, "(you) said No and mean No"

@TheOccupier
You're being disingenuous

LFTs are not picking up first stages of covid infection - sister will be contagious before LFTs show it and no mum would voluntarily risk their baby or child's health - covid, raging flu infection, whatever . There is too high level of false negative LFTs
Look at the stats published

It took 4 days after symptoms started for my DDs covid infection to get positive LFT. We knew she had it due to symptoms. It took FIVE days for my covid infection to show as positive LFT I too had covid symptoms and ended up with ambulance being called for this "mild" covid variant. Despite being triple vaccinated.

OP is 100% right to say no to sister coming anywhere near as she's exposed herself to bfs active covid and is high probability she may have caught it

Don't post in AIBU if you don't want anyone to tell you YABU - sounds like this thread would have been better suited to the Mental Health or Covid boards.

This is a disgusting thing to say Occupier. It isn't about OPs ocd at all or a mental health issue.

@HeckyPeck thank you 😊 (I don’t mind people disagreeing with me but it is frustrating when things are assumed to be OCD related just because I have it).

@MaChienEstUnDick. Basically my mum said ‘just to let me know they’d had contact’, literally those words. Because they know what the boundary but they seem to think if they tell me then they’ve done their part and expect everything to go ahead a usual.

After that I text my sister and said if she’s had contact with bf while he’s covid positive I don’t feel comfortable with her coming to the house. She replied it was just a walk around the park. I was getting some advice from my other sister about something else who has a similar boundary as to me re covid and also has a baby, she was due to meet up with our sister and said ‘oh, she told me she was only dropping shopping at the door’. She has a reputation for half truths so I asked my mum directly ‘did she go into his house and spend time there’, my mum started with ‘they met up’, ‘he needed shopping’. I wasn’t getting a straight answer so asked again and she said yes she went in and spend a fair amount of time there and then again a couple days later. I said well in that case she isn’t coming, not to be nasty, I’d be the same with anyone.

A bit background, I often feel like the rock of the family, if any of them have a problem, they come to me. I don’t mind taking on that role but please respect this boundary.

I think you have every right to say to your sister that no you prefer she waits another week then she is more than welcome to come over.
She has done nothing wrong but she has not been concerned about your feelings.

If I had visited someone who was positive I would stay out the way of others. I would hate to be the carrier. I would also do an LTF but as other say it will probably show up negative.

If I was your sister I wouldn’t be spending time with someone with covid and then go visit my sister’s baby, just seems thoughtless

If you have a 6yo in school it is ridiculous to make an issue of your sister's behaviour, the schools are full of covid! Greet her at the door with a lateral flow test if it makes you feel better. bullshit. We don’t know what illnesses our children come into contact with, but if you knowingly go round to someone else’s house wen they’re infected with something *I would take the same line with flu, norrovirus etc,) then you do so with consideration to the fact that you probably shouldn’t then go around to others’ houses where you know you could be infecting them.

“Walk around the park” my arse. As they don’t live together they likely had a shag and everything and she has likely caught COVID.

I would just be saying no on this occasion. If they have a problem with that then that is their problem to deal with.

If any of my family knowingly came into contact with someone who was covid positive they just wouldn’t come round to my house, because they’re not arseholes. So what if the law says you don’t have to be careful, doe people really need the government to hold their hands to tell them what to do because they have no idea how to put their own brains into action and use a bit of common sense and take personal responsibility?

@TheOccupier others have said ‘YABU’, not many but a couple, I have no issue with it. The differing opinions and proportion of those opinions is helpful.

Telling me I’m ridiculous and need to post on the mental health threads is not.

YABVU

Are you going to live like this forever? Covid is going nowhere.

That said, up to you who comes into your house, your house, your rules.

YANBU. I thought I had got away with not getting Covid. I had a positive LFT Tuesday night and a positive PCR yesterday. I am not enjoying the experience much, so I don't expect a baby would.

@Sparticuscaticus

Don't post in AIBU if you don't want anyone to tell you YABU - sounds like this thread would have been better suited to the Mental Health or Covid boards.

This is a disgusting thing to say Occupier. It isn't about OPs ocd at all or a mental health issue.

No it's not. If you don't want to be told YABU, don't post in AIBU! It's not rocket science. And the Covid forum exists for a reason.

TheOccupier
You are being disingenuous again

It was patently obvious that I was referring to your unpleasant disability discrimination where you said OP should post in Mental Health thread instead

Awful to read such ableism and it has no place here

It's not ableism. The OP brought up her OCD at the top of the thread, and said that this is an additional challenge for her. I don't give a shit whether she posts in Mental Health, Covid, or Chat. However, if someone who starts a thread in AIBU then gets annoyed when someone tells them that actually yes they are BU, and tells that person not to respond, the OP has clearly been posted in the wrong place.

TheOccupier as I said disengenious replies. You don't understand ableism at all and are trying to cover up what you wrote earlier

OP a thread is to ask a legitimate AIBU question about if SWBU not to invite her sister to her DDs birthday party. Perfectly appropriate for AIBU - some threads cover multiple issues and multiple topics and you as a stranger to her don’t get to now decide she should only post in Covid forum.

By all means PP should post different YABU YANBU views respectfully , but your earlier post on here was unkind ableism to tell an OP that their thread belongs in Mental Health -just because you saw she'd mentioned (as background context) she had OCD. You don't misuse information about peoples disabilities like that

I think when you post about Covid you'll get told your unreasonable as it is a very divisive subject on here.

If you posted that your sister had visited her boyfriend who had noro and wanted to come and visit you and your 4 month old baby I'd hope most people would agree you should say no.

Although I suppose even before Covid there were selfish arseholes who didn't care they were spreading d&v or flu etc.

OTT but it's your right to refuse visits. Will not go down well and cause a rift so good look with that.

Can you not just ask your sister to do a LFT before she comes? If even that is too stressful, you'll just have to put up with the family drama, and ask her not to come.

All the people saying that she definitely has it if she visited her covid-positive boyfriend are getting a bit dramatic. My DP came down with it on NYE; I slept in the same bed as him before, during and after his infection, and I still tested negative all the way through. It doesn't mean your sister doesn't have covid, but just cuddling her boyfriend doesn't automatically mean she does have it, either.

I would have the same issue if she’d him and he had measles or flu, etc, then cam here soon after. There’s no legal requirement there, but most people would isolate themselves from others, especially there vulnerable.

@cantbecoping re living like this forever. Probably not, but I won’t have young children forever. Also, I don’t restrict where we go out of fear or anything like that, it’s only when I know someone is positive.

Yanbu in my opinion op but your sister definitely is. I wouldn't knowingly go to someone else's home after being in close contact with someone who is covid positive, especially if that family had a baby.

We caught covid at the end of January, a family friend had come to see our baby but failed to mention she had been to a party the week before where someone tested positive. She tested positive the day after coming to ours but again neglected to mention that she had symptoms since the party. I tested positive 6 days after she had been to mine, I felt a little rough but was mostly OK. My dh was ill for a week and a half as was my baby. My at the time 4 month old baby had a horrendous cough, couldn't keep her feeds down and was close to being hospitalised. My 5 and 4 year old were asymptomatic. It was a stressful time that could have been avoided had she employed some common sense. Your dd has to ho to school, there isn't a choice there, it is a necessity so you have to accept that risk. Your sister on the other hand doesn't need to see her boyfriend and since she has should be sensible enough to know she needs to avoid your family.

@TheOccupier I said move along because your posts seem intentionally aimed to rile up rather than to be helpful, which I what I thought these mumsnet threads were for. I can absolutely say that to you, and you have every right to ignore me and continue to be unhelpful.

You think I’m changing my user name posting to myself and then back again and so on? 🤔 I call rile up tatic

Just get her to do a test on the day, and if it's positive she doesn't go. I presume given your concerns all of your family other than the baby are vaccinated so presumably that should lessen your worries.

TheOccupier

PPs were able to read your posts themselves. You weren't saying the Mental Health board "would be more sympathetic" that's untrue you said something entirely different and unkind. You don't get to use peoples disability in that way .

MNHQ have deleted your post so clearly agree it breached guidelines.

Calling out people who discriminate is not "the oldest trick in the book", it is much needed, we stand together against it.

I have no idea who OP is.
All I can see she understandably asked you to stop. As have /and can / other PPs who have tried to get you to stop this all afternoon.

It's be good to see this thread back in a helpful place

It's interesting that some would take risk and some wouldn't

I wouldn't, not with my baby as lugs aren't as strong nor , my DD or the other children coming to DDs birthday party.

DSis has exposed herself to covid by going round to her bfs (& kissing etc) whilst he is covid positive - which may well no longer breach legal requirement to isolate - but it does rather increase extremely high likelihood shes also infected & contagious with covid too now!!!

Anecdotally if you RTFT - only 50 posts- has been discussions about high level false negatives LFTs for first few days before it starts to register positive, even with covid symptoms and even fully vaccinated.

I can't find the recent published stats for it but vaguely recall the figure being surprising high for false negative LFTs especially with omicron variant .

I just wouldn't rely on Dsis testing when she's been so closely exposed to DP sick with covid (compared to general risks of "might have sat near someone" that we now all have to live with )