Thanking nasty people

[littlemisspigg]

AIBU or have you sometimes felt grateful for the nasty mean people in your life, for you are wiser, stronger thanks to them?

Personally I consider that a form of toxic positivity, it would be better not to have that to be 'grateful' for.

Totally agree ... they are an example of how not to behave towards others. It strengthens my resolve never to be like that.

No.

I wouldn't go as far as grateful but it's all a learning curve I suppose. The way I was treated by one particularly nasty ex still makes me feel quite humiliated but the experience did make me stronger and more clued up on the ways or narcissist so I'm grateful for that I suppose.

No you shouldn't have to be wiser and tougher.

I am grateful for the mildly incompetent people as they teach me what to do. Of course I'm not grateful for the genuinely horrid ones who caused me upset or trauma. I would rather have missed that and so not need to be "stronger".

I've learnt some very important lessons in life from nasty people, and not in a way I enjoyed. I'm glad I did on the whole. Though if there was an option for me to remain ignorant and naive and not go through those circumstances at all, I'd jump at it.

Absolutely not.

I’m grateful I have the intelligence to learn.

I'm grateful for the experience that dealing with a really horrible boss in my first paid job gave me. I was trying to get a career working with kids, was working in an afters hood club. The headmaster wanted me, the aftershock club leader didn't. She made my life hell for 4 months before I quit, stating to the headmaster exactly why I was. She had told me I would never amount to anything in a job with kids. I didn't listen to her fortunately, got a job elsewhere, and now I am an aftershool club leader, doing the same job she did but in a different school. I'd love to bump into her some time just so I can gloat about this fact. Say to her 'You tried to break me but you fucking failed. Thanks for the life experience'

*after school - stupid spell check

No, and I always thought Fighter by Christina Aguilera was supposed to be sarcastic.

I'm not stronger or wiser for it. I'm damaged, I did damage myself when younger, and if anything I'm stupider.

No. It’s like what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. A lot of the time it doesn’t. Traumatic events and bad people can leave terrible scars on people. There’s nothing to be grateful for about that.

@KindlyKanga

No you shouldn't have to be wiser and tougher.

Of course you should. Can't go through life making the same mistakes and being floored by them every time.

No. It is possible to learn from such experiences but it’s hardly a compensation for being treated badly. It’s also possible to be permanently broken by this. Hate these toxic positivity spins.

I think I am grateful that I am strong despite such people.

No

I'm not sure. Had a really horrible supervisor for 4 years, and as it was towards gaining a qualification, once I was in too deep I felt like I couldn't easily leave without throwing away my previous efforts. It changed me as a person, made me sleepless and paranoid, and also quite bitter. I'm a long time out of it now, I guess if something similar happened again I would get out sooner. But bad situations are not always that comparable so sometimes feel like I can't really take much from the situation. Also have weird guilt/shame about not handling the situation better at the time. Think that time would definitely have been better spent building me up and gaining confidence etc. But, it happened and that is now part of who I am. I don't hate myself, I got through it. I am grateful that I am not like him, and it was satisfying to sever contact once it was no longer necessary.

Not sure, because of others I've become hardened badly, I find it hard to feel at times. I'm good when it comes for looking for practical answers for others, but shit at comforting them. I can't cry, I have a lot of violence in me, but I've learnt to suppress it. I don't trust anyone but my sons. It feels easier and safer for myself and others if I stay reclusive. I don't feel I'm a very nice person at times. I hate bullies and would protect an enemy if I thought this was happening to them. I'm very protective. Hate being happy as it's to scary a place to be.

I may be different because of the nasty mean people in my life, maybe different wisdom or strengths, but there is no way to know how I would be without them so I can't really say that I'm wiser or stronger with any conviction. I could just as easily be weaker, have more limits and less clarity from their choices to put me through those experiences.

I don't think I need to be grateful for being hurt. There are enough other things in life for gratitude work.

I have, absolutely.

I've seen people behave like total pricks to me/others, and the way they are seen by others, and it's made me more aware of how not to behave and made me more emotionally intelligent.

@AnneLovesGilbert

No. It’s like what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. A lot of the time it doesn’t. Traumatic events and bad people can leave terrible scars on people. There’s nothing to be grateful for about that.

Absolutely this. And even if you emerge unscathed, they’re a tiresome drain on your energy.

No. I think they're massive cunts and I wish I'd never met them.

No. I used to think like that but after therapy I know that just because I got past bad experiences and became a better person doesn’t mean I have to somehow be glad that they happened. The weaker, softer me deserved kindness too.

It's useful. I think to ACKNOWLEDGE the good they've done you, to yourself. But no sense in thanking someone for being a massive pain in the arse unless you're aiming for a PA gold star yourself.