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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to speak to the odd job man's mum

38 replies

lovelyluvvy · 02/03/2022 19:20

Hi everyone,
I'm British but live on the continent. The odd job man came round to fix something - this is a council property and he's a member of the team that works for them. He came round once before last week to replace my tap (incidentally, took 2 1/2 hours during which time he said he needed to borrow a spanner...couldn't fix it properly as he didn't have the right parts so had to come back again today).
There was a bit of friendly chit chat as he is of British origin and as ex-pats abroad that's what you do, but I mainly left them to get on with it. Anyway, after he'd finished the work (today he needed to borrow the spanner again, and some screws...) he said 'I'm going to let you speak to my mum' - rang his mum up on his mobile and before I had time to think about what was happening he'd handed me the phone and I was having to make chit chat with his mother. I kind of laughed it off and asked why he did that, and he said he feels a bit sorry for people living abroad and thought it would be nice for me to speak to someone British.
Whilst I do understand that sentiment, and indeed it is nice to speak in English when normally you're struggling in a foreign language, what bothered me about it was I wasn't asked if I wanted to speak to her - he just rang her up then handed me the phone! It might be coming from a nice place, but forced social interaction felt like it was overstepping my boundaries and a bit - well, odd! She seemed like a nice lady, but then she was asking if I could pass my number on to her son and we could meet for a coffee - I'd only spoken to her for a couple of minutes. Is he looking for someone to keep his elderly mother company? Just being overly friendly? Trying to convert me to his religion? What's going on?

OP posts:
withernseawoes · 02/03/2022 19:24

I've no idea but what a nightmare! I would absolutely loathe that. And what sort of oddjob person needs to borrow screws, and a hammer?? And takes over two hours to change a tap.

RuralRita · 02/03/2022 19:27

Hell yeah, trying to dump his lonely old mum onto you!

Don't let him give his mum your number! Practice saying no!

Bingomastersbreakout · 02/03/2022 19:29

You sound nice .

Gizacluethen · 02/03/2022 19:30

I'd say his mum is lonely and thought she'd like to speak to another brit.

Arabellla · 02/03/2022 19:32

YANBU, he caught you off guard but next time someone tries it you will be better prepared to say no thanks.

tingtingtingtingTINGGGG · 02/03/2022 19:32

Sounds like the kind of thing my husband would do (Greek)
He would see it as you having something in common and a nice thing to do, making connections between people.
Yes it often feels like boundaries are overstepped. But it comes from a good place. And if you can embrace it it can open up your world a little.

Original poster
lovelyluvvy · 02/03/2022 19:32

what sort of oddjob person needs to borrow screws, and a hammer?? And takes over two hours to change a tap. - I was going to start a thread on that last week. I was just thinking how he would feel if he went to a hairdresser and she took over 2 hours when it should take 30 minutes, asked to borrow scissors and left it unfinished. Wouldn't fly at all.
Hell yeah, trying to dump his lonely old mum onto you! - that's what I'm thinking, he looking for a female to take on some of his responsibilities for free.

OP posts:
Original poster
lovelyluvvy · 02/03/2022 19:34

You sound nice. - I shouldn't have to explain why I don't want to speak to a stranger's mother without any advanced warning to you, frankly, but as it happens I hate speaking on the phone to anyone and have social anxiety.

OP posts:
BeetyAxe · 02/03/2022 19:35

Jesus you lot are cynical! So what if he wanted you to chat to his mum for a bit,it is a bit weird but so you don’t need to take the woman on for life. What’s wrong with being friendly and laughing something off. Don’t be such a misery!

Frazzled50yrold · 02/03/2022 19:35

He obviously thought he was doing a good thing and I wouldn't overthink it. It was like a good morning call, consider it your good deed for the day.

Original poster
lovelyluvvy · 02/03/2022 19:36

So what if he wanted you to chat to his mum for a bit,it is a bit weird but so you don’t need to take the woman on for life. What’s wrong with being friendly and laughing something off. Don’t be such a misery!
So what he wants takes precedence over what I want? And when he's a strange man working in my home, he gets to push me into unwanted social interaction with another stranger who then asks to meet up with me? Right-o!

OP posts:
SisterRuth · 02/03/2022 19:40

I hate that with a passion. It's so hard when people just hand you stuff. I wish I could just not react, not take whatever nonsense someone's trying to involve me in. You have my commiserations; awkward, unwanted social stuff coming up for you. No good deed goes unpunished Confused

FatFucker · 02/03/2022 19:43

OP remember this is Mumnet, men are always very important and must be listened to!

You must "Be Kind" and comply with everything they say!

Can you get another Odd Job man?

Original poster
lovelyluvvy · 02/03/2022 19:44

You have my commiserations; awkward, unwanted social stuff coming up for you. No good deed goes unpunished
That's what I'm worried about, 'cos he's got to come back and finish another job that he didn't have the right screws for, so three visits in a week all for tiny little jobs that should take a few minutes stretching into hours and hours and phone calls with his mother when I just want to be alone in my flat! I don't want the awkwardness of having a conversation now about meeting up with his mum - honestly, I've got a ton of other things to do and as a man coming into my home to do a quick bit of DIY I don't feel like he should be putting me in that position.

OP posts:
Original poster
lovelyluvvy · 02/03/2022 19:47

Quite FatFucker. I don't think I get a choice in who comes round - maybe I'll just try to fix it myself!

OP posts:
watcherintherye · 02/03/2022 19:48

Yes, I hate forced social interaction too. If it happens naturally, fine, but I wouldn’t like being cornered like this, especially on the phone.

She might be lovely, and it would have been different if he’d mentioned his mother, and you’d said “you must give me her number, I’m desperate for someone English to talk to.” But you didn’t, and so you now have to navigate saying no, without appearing rude and insulting his mother, when you shouldn’t have been put in that position in the first place. Really annoying.

Stath · 02/03/2022 19:52

Can you speak to his manager/boss about the fact that he’s obviously wasting both your time and the business he works for? What if you needed to be off work costing you money whilst he bumbles about with his bodging and mithering?

In fact, next time he comes, answer the door with phone in hand (and maybe headphones) and tell him you need to work and please don’t disturb you until the job is finished.

I’m friendly as fuck but the older I get the less patience I have for folk trying to arrange and interfere with my time.

MistyGreenAndBlue · 02/03/2022 20:00

He's probably told his mum all about you and even left her with the impression you are "friends"
You're his new girlfriend and you dont even know it.
Been there. Complain and tell them you dont want his creepy, incompetent arse in your home again.

Original poster
lovelyluvvy · 02/03/2022 20:02

bumbles about with his bodging and mithering? Grin
I don't think I could complain, but I like the idea of being busy, or maybe getting someone else round with me to change the dynamic. I hate living on my own when it comes to having workmen in, I remember when we had the decorators in and they were also taking their time and making personal comments. They've got you captive when you're a woman on your own.

OP posts:
Original poster
lovelyluvvy · 02/03/2022 20:04

He's probably told his mum all about you and even left her with the impression you are "friends"
See, I didn't want to sound egotistical, but this is what I was a little bit worried about, because he had told me about her - when he introduced me on the phone he said 'remember that English woman I was telling you about'. It just made me feel a bit weird.

OP posts:
SisterRuth · 02/03/2022 20:07

Jesus. You'll have to move. I would.

SevenWaystoLeave · 02/03/2022 20:10

Oh no that's horrifying.

Original poster
lovelyluvvy · 02/03/2022 20:15

He came in with another workman who also spoke English and the other man kept quiet mainly apart from them talking to each other about the job. I think the other bloke probably didn't approve of the whole making me talk to his mum thing. I hope to fuck he has a word with him, but who knows.

OP posts:
Grinling · 02/03/2022 20:15

@FatFucker

OP remember this is Mumnet, men are always very important and must be listened to!

You must "Be Kind" and comply with everything they say!

Can you get another Odd Job man?

Yes, get a competent one who doesn’t view you or his mother as tragic lonely foreigners in need of Anglophone interaction.
1forAll74 · 02/03/2022 20:23

Just being friendly I think.. and a non issue really.