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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to speak to the odd job man's mum

38 replies

lovelyluvvy · 02/03/2022 19:20

Hi everyone,
I'm British but live on the continent. The odd job man came round to fix something - this is a council property and he's a member of the team that works for them. He came round once before last week to replace my tap (incidentally, took 2 1/2 hours during which time he said he needed to borrow a spanner...couldn't fix it properly as he didn't have the right parts so had to come back again today).
There was a bit of friendly chit chat as he is of British origin and as ex-pats abroad that's what you do, but I mainly left them to get on with it. Anyway, after he'd finished the work (today he needed to borrow the spanner again, and some screws...) he said 'I'm going to let you speak to my mum' - rang his mum up on his mobile and before I had time to think about what was happening he'd handed me the phone and I was having to make chit chat with his mother. I kind of laughed it off and asked why he did that, and he said he feels a bit sorry for people living abroad and thought it would be nice for me to speak to someone British.
Whilst I do understand that sentiment, and indeed it is nice to speak in English when normally you're struggling in a foreign language, what bothered me about it was I wasn't asked if I wanted to speak to her - he just rang her up then handed me the phone! It might be coming from a nice place, but forced social interaction felt like it was overstepping my boundaries and a bit - well, odd! She seemed like a nice lady, but then she was asking if I could pass my number on to her son and we could meet for a coffee - I'd only spoken to her for a couple of minutes. Is he looking for someone to keep his elderly mother company? Just being overly friendly? Trying to convert me to his religion? What's going on?

OP posts:
Grinling · 02/03/2022 20:25

@lovelyluvvy

bumbles about with his bodging and mithering? Grin I don't think I could complain, but I like the idea of being busy, or maybe getting someone else round with me to change the dynamic. I hate living on my own when it comes to having workmen in, I remember when we had the decorators in and they were also taking their time and making personal comments. They've got you captive when you're a woman on your own.
Not necessarily. I’m very fond of our builder, but he says I terrified him when he first started here — we’d only just moved to this country and DH was overseas for about the first month, so I’d hired him and they’d only met part way through the work (complete replaster and rewire). Grin
SevenWaystoLeave · 02/03/2022 20:29

@1forAll74

Just being friendly I think.. and a non issue really.
I refuse to believe there are people in the world so socially competent that they see no issue with being handed a phone out the blue and forced to make small talk with a total stranger on the other end of it.
SevenWaystoLeave · 02/03/2022 20:29

Honestly this would rank among the worst things to ever happen to me and I've had cancer

Grinling · 02/03/2022 20:32

@1forAll74

Just being friendly I think.. and a non issue really.
You’d have to be fairly unprofessional to see no issue with, after time wasting and not getting a client’s job done promptly, putting that client on the phone to talk to your mother.
godmum56 · 02/03/2022 20:34

@lovelyluvvy

bumbles about with his bodging and mithering? Grin I don't think I could complain, but I like the idea of being busy, or maybe getting someone else round with me to change the dynamic. I hate living on my own when it comes to having workmen in, I remember when we had the decorators in and they were also taking their time and making personal comments. They've got you captive when you're a woman on your own.
oh no they haven't! My late husband used to work long hours and I was very part time so I always project managed any workmen in the house. I am generous with the biscuits but I take no shit.
Original poster
lovelyluvvy · 02/03/2022 20:38

Honestly this would rank among the worst things to ever happen to me and I've had cancer
It feels so wrong that I laughed at this. I hope you are in full health now.

OP posts:
SevenWaystoLeave · 02/03/2022 20:44

I meant it to be funny so please laugh away Smile

Sweetpea1532 · 02/03/2022 21:14

@lovelyluvvy
No Way, OP! I'm with you 100%...what he did is ridiculous and oversteps boundaries on so many levelsHmm

WinterOfOurDiscoTent · 02/03/2022 21:34

My MIL would totally do this! When we were first dating, she suddenly thrust her phone into my DH's hand and said, "Jean's daughter is visiting her, say hello to Kelly!"
Poor DH was wtf?! I've only met Jean twice, she's awful and why would I randomly want speak to her daughter?! Confused

hauntedbillybass · 02/03/2022 21:39

@Bingomastersbreakout

You sound nice .
Eh?
Original poster
lovelyluvvy · 17/03/2022 13:02

Update: Odd job man has just got back in touch after not hearing from him in 2 weeks, text message saying he can come round this afternoon to fix my door handle. I've told him I'm busy and am going to email the company directly to arrange a time as I want to make sure that it's on their records and not just him coming round to blunder about and get me to speak to his mum again. Will try to get a neighbour to be here with me as well. I might be paranoid but it all just seems a bit odd.

OP posts:
AffIt · 17/03/2022 13:09

@lovelyluvvy

Update: Odd job man has just got back in touch after not hearing from him in 2 weeks, text message saying he can come round this afternoon to fix my door handle. I've told him I'm busy and am going to email the company directly to arrange a time as I want to make sure that it's on their records and not just him coming round to blunder about and get me to speak to his mum again. Will try to get a neighbour to be here with me as well. I might be paranoid but it all just seems a bit odd.
Yeah... while I'm not massively socially competent, I can normally get through an interaction with a male tradesperson without locking myself in a wardrobe a la the preferred MN style, but what you've said here is... odd.

I would be extremely wary of letting this man into my house again, especially if I was alone. I would find myself being very busy for a while, or having company over at the same time.

As I say, I don't normally hide under the bed, but something about this man and his demeanour is... off.

Original poster
lovelyluvvy · 17/03/2022 13:18

AffIt I thought it was odd he said he'd told his mother about meeting me and then to just ring out of the blue and expect to come over here this afternoon, I'd prefer advance warning from a company email. I'm not suggesting he's an axe murderer or anything, he seems a bit lonely. I thought when he said that he feels a bit sorry for people living here with no other English people to talk to that he was projecting onto me what he felt himself. I can't be doing with another few hours of him blundering about in my apartment and putting me on the phone to his mum, though. It's only a studio so I can't escape to another room and I have other things to do.

OP posts:
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