How do unhappy couples post such happy looking pics on social media?

[WhyWouldYouDoThatThough]

I'm well aware that what you see on social media isn't real and that people try to portray their lives as far happier and perfect than they really are. But I am constantly seeing pictures all over my feed of happy couples and I just don't get it. It's making me think actually, perhaps all these couples really are happy? And it's just me who finds marriage hard? My husband and I never take these kinds of pictures, is it because we're the unhappy ones and everyone else is happy? If people are unhappy in their relationships, how do they bring themselves to take such lovey dovey pics with their partner? Not sure if I'm even making sense.

Well, not everybody is finding their marriage hard. But mostly, I can't say that I've ever felt the urge to photograph and share a genuinely lovey dovey moment. I'm too busy, you know, having it, and I don't really have anything to prove to the world in that regard. How lovey dovey can a moment be if your main thought during it was "how will this look on the internet"?

I was in a photo thing for work today. I've had a really shit week at work, but I'm laughing all over my face in the photos. Anyone can look happy for a (managed, staged split second.

Yes, some unhappy couples pretend. Some happy-looking couples are genuine.

If you are unhappy you’d be better concentrating of sorting those issues than wondering about other people.

I don’t mean that nastily, it’s just a fool’s errand to try to understand the inner workings of other people’s relationships.

What changes can you make to improve your marriage?

You don’t mean ‘how do couples…’. (they get a phone or laptop and post a photo on a site)

You mean ‘WHY do couples…’

In answer, I’d suggest they are keeping up with the joneses. Let’s make everyone think we’re the perfect family yada yada.

As you say, it’s a load of bollocks. Don’t believe any of it.

It's probably very unfair but I always assume the ones posting how wonderful their marriage is all the time are the ones having problems. Or even if the marriage is happy, they at some level need the approval or envy of the world in order to enjoy their own lives.

Probably because no relationship is 100% bad or they would split up.

My XDP and I utterly adored each other and when we took photos it was generally to share with each other, not with instagram in mind. However, I would still post the occasional pics of our trips because I was excited to share our fun experiences. That doesn’t mean we didn’t also have some hard times behind closed doors, but posting about that online would be crass and embarrassing. So of course people only share the good stuff. I would chat in private groups with my friends about the hard times, sometimes while simultaneously sharing a pic of a happy time, not because either was a lie, but because they were both true. I left him a few months ago and I know it was the right decision but I am still broken hearted and still look at those photos with happiness and nostalgia for the good times. The fact that 20 minutes after it was taken he probably called me a crazy bitch didn’t take away from the way it made me feel when he kissed me on the cheek and told me I was amazing. Love isn’t black and white.

One of the ‘happiest’ marriages of all my friends ended in a vicious and horrible divorce. Yet every day, up to their actual split, their social media portrayed a picture perfect family.

I don't think you can fake being unhappy in a marriage/relationship. I know I couldn't. I dont have insta/twitter etc. But I do put photos of myself on my DH on my WhatsApp profile picture and we are genuinely happily married.

The only person I know who does this, is cheating. So I think it’s a crock of shit.

I think the nature of unhappy couples that stay together and also those who feel the need to post a lot on SM is that things are very up and down. They're not miserable all the time. They are genuinely enjoying life when they take the photo and they post it to try and convince themselves and others that their life is always like that.

Exactly what @gingerhills said. I have always thought this. But only the ones that post constantly and aren't influencers. We know why influencers are doing it. I mean the normal couple from the office or school playground who start doing it and are a bit ott. Of the few I have seen they look really over happy in every picture daily yet on the school playground they look quite miserable! And not overly close when out together. But I'm sure not all. Some just love taking these types of photos. You are better off focusing on uour own relationship and helping to make it better.

It's all about creating an impression of yourself to the world. Most people don't want people to know they are struggling, or unhappy, or the house is a mess. Some people possibly also want to show off that their life is somehow "better" than other people, so post only the best bits.

I don't post any pictures on social media myself, nor do I let my wife post any pictures of me, or our daughter, except to places that only her family and friends can see, as it all just seeks so pointless to me, so I perhaps will always view it with a negative bias.

I know people that spend all week in a truck, sleeping in awful truck stops, showering in cold dribbles of a shower, having a pretty unenviable day to day. To look at their social media feeds though, it's all posh restaurants, big smiles, glasses of wine. They share the good, but not the bad they have to go through to achieve the good moments.

I've also known couples who were having troubles, or one couple where neither person was a particularly nice person, but social media feeds show them as all loved up, big gushing posts of eternal love etc.

Just assume you everything you see on social media, or in media in general tbf, is curated to make things look the way the poster wants them to look, and the truth is often different.

@gingerhills

It's probably very unfair but I always assume the ones posting how wonderful their marriage is all the time are the ones having problems. Or even if the marriage is happy, they at some level need the approval or envy of the world in order to enjoy their own lives.

This.

I've seen people posting about how someone is the love of their life to then split up and hate them. I know people who post lovey dovey messages to each other on fb for birthdays, Christmas, normal days etc that are spying on each other in real life because they don't trust each other, or one doesn't trust the other. Seen many 'happy family' pictures for the person to admit they feel like a failure. Seen people only ever post the good things, nothing about the bad even to have a laugh at themselves and admit they had a fuck up, usually in sports.

Social media is generally a lie.

We shared a few pics the other day from a family day out. Looking at them we had the best day ever and are a lovely happy family. We are normal and have gripes and moans like the rest of them. But we did get a few good pictures. Even I did a double take and though whoa!!! Is that really us!!

One of my friends portrays the perfect marriage and family lift on Facebook. She had a lengthy affair a few years back and there is no intimacy.

Like another poster, I have no time to maintain a social media profile. Or I don't care to. Actually, I find bragging about a happy relationship cringy and tempting fate.

*You don’t mean ‘how do couples…’. (they get a phone or laptop and post a photo on a site)

You mean ‘WHY do couples…’*

@Elieza In Scotland how means why 😉

Noone is going to put a miserable marriage / relationship all over social media.

The most people I see on social media portraying themselves as happy couples are the least happy people I know and marriages/relationships usually in rocky territory.

The happiest people I know know very little on social media.

A lot of people fake it but I think wedding photos are very hard to fake. They are much more telling I think.

I

Probably because no relationship is 100% bad or they would split up.

This. Unhappy couples still have moments where they are happy - in those moments they post happy photos on social media, decide to have another baby, buy their dream house, book a lovely holiday, get a dog etc etc. They’re trying to keep hold of the happy parts they do have, create more happiness, convince each other that the relationship is worth saving. I don’t think social media happiness is anything about convincing the outside world, but themselves, despite many people seeing it as the contrary.

I know lots of people who lie on social media. It’s a all a show for others - they’re all having affairs and hate each other.

When Charles and Diana were going through a terrible time in their marriage before their divorce, it was absolutely obvious in their photographs that they were not happy with each other! I never see loved-up couples on social media. My friends tend to post jokes, political comments or pictures of hedgehogs, but not pics of themselves.

I know a few people who post how great their husband is, however irl one is a wife beater and the other one is having an affair with their colleague.

If I were you, OP, I'd sack off the social media and not give another thought to whatever photographs people choose to put on the internet.

When I split up with my husband some people were shocked as we seemed so happy to them but they only saw the pictures of us on a fun trip or having a night out with friends, they never saw me at home alone crying from loneliness or in bed on my own because he was asleep downstairs.

There's very few pictures of me and my fiancé on social media but I've genuinely never been happier.

When you have a happy moment and get a good picture you can get that buzz when you post, even if you then argue after. Or have a great rest of the day after. Or are mostly good or mostly bad. Everyone’s different op.
Do you and dh ever take pictures in general? I’m sure you could if you wanted to.