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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

How do unhappy couples post such happy looking pics on social media?

44 replies

WhyWouldYouDoThatThough · 02/03/2022 19:14

I'm well aware that what you see on social media isn't real and that people try to portray their lives as far happier and perfect than they really are. But I am constantly seeing pictures all over my feed of happy couples and I just don't get it. It's making me think actually, perhaps all these couples really are happy? And it's just me who finds marriage hard? My husband and I never take these kinds of pictures, is it because we're the unhappy ones and everyone else is happy? If people are unhappy in their relationships, how do they bring themselves to take such lovey dovey pics with their partner? Not sure if I'm even making sense.

OP posts:

TidyDancer · 02/03/2022 20:21

I have a friend who posts lots of loved up photos with his wife and she does the same. To see them on SM you'd think they were the most romantic loving couple in the history of humanity. The truth is, they fight constantly, he wants out but won't leave because they have two teenage DDs together who he doesn't want to be a weekend parent to (and other smaller reasons) and she's controlling as fuck due to past issues. They also haven't had a sexual relationship in years.

Nothing is ever as it seems.

User134356356 · 02/03/2022 20:24

Most of them are posting for a specific third party to see so the motivation or "vibe" is entirely different. Most common scenario is he cheated, she forgave him, and now the social media content is curated for the third woman to see. It comes across as a bit weird or put-on for other viewers but it serves the couple's purpose. It's also easier to plan such photos if they serve a purpose.

A lot of Instagrammers' feeds look entirely different once you realise they're actually posting pictures as a kind of smug triumph or secret dig towards the women with whom he cheated with.

bubblesbubbles11 · 02/03/2022 20:27

someone i know recently went on what looked like a very expensive ski holiday with her spouse. The number of multiple daily photos and videos she posted on facebook was ridiculous and although all of the pictures involved enormous smiles and raving about how wonderful it all was, i did get the impression it had taken her an awful lot of the hours of her holiday just to uploand those photos / videos. Hours she could have been, errr, ski-ing?

Girlmumdogmumboymum · 02/03/2022 20:28

I know of several "gloriously happy" couples.

One whos often called a cheating cunt/useless mother/ shit wife/money grabber and has been chucked out of the family car whilst having a severe nut allergy on the side of the motorway. I've also known her to be in tears in restaurants because of his abuse of her.

Another, spends her weekends and nights alone with the kids, whilst he goes out and enjoys "his money" his money is spent mostly on other women who he cheats with, prostitutes and strippers. He refuses to lift a finger in their house- doesn't believe in making himself even a cup of tea. She isn't allowed new clothes and doesn't deserve the trips out he enjoys.
They soend weeks on end not talking.

You'd believe both husbands were gods gift to the world, really lovely, romantic men who are amazing fathers judging by their Facebooks, but knowing them in real life, its pretty sad.
Both women feel trapped.

If someone posts often where they're gushing about their partner, I tend to think not all is well because they're the ones who post the most about their happy husbands, and their happy lives which are far far from happy.

Justmuddlingalong · 02/03/2022 20:28

It strikes me as the SM equivalent of renewing your marriage vows. It generally causes outsiders looking in to guess who and what the transgression was.

DetailMouse · 02/03/2022 20:30

I know one couple, who I think are happy and they are both very photogenic so that must encourage their posting, but I often think their posts are aimed primarily at showing their exes how happy they are now.

They're a blended family and refer to all their children as "theirs" the step mum is often posting about how much she loves "our girls" (his kids) and how much fun they all have and vice versa, which I'm sure is lovely, but must also be quite hurtful for the children's other parent.

Mumoftwoinprimary · 02/03/2022 20:34

Conversation in my house:-

Me:- I didn’t know your cousin Lizzie’s marriage was in trouble
Dh:- Why do you think that.
Me:- She has just posted a ridiculously OTT message to Jack on Facebook
Dh:- Yes but….
Me:- Oh - never mind

3 months later Dh comes off the phone to his mum looking shocked:-

Dh:- Lizzie and Jack have split up!
Me:- Shocker!

ImAvingOops · 02/03/2022 20:38

I think some people are really good at getting good photos and are really engaged with social media. I'm not, so I barely post anything. I don't think it's a real reflection of anything.
Some people do like to put their best face on because they care too much about what other people think.

Userno36372846 · 02/03/2022 20:41

from experience, with the people I know, the couples who post the most on social media are often the least happiest. I'm not saying every couple who posts a lot of photos are unhappy, but I know so many couples who portray such a perfect relationship online and it's really not like that. No relationship is perfect. Me and dp have never really out any of our relationship online other than a very occasional photo at a family event or something - we don't take selfies 😅

My mother always portrays her relationship as perfect too when it's not. She has very turbulent relationship with my stepfather (they are in their 40's and 50's). They've been together 20 or more years now but they go from extreme highs to extreme lows. They fall out a lot and my mother is the most insecure person you could meet, he can't even look towards a woman in the street. Things got violent with each other too (both sides) and alcohol issues. But she always portrays this perfect home life on social media. People believe it too. She has a great way of hiding the truth!

1winterblues · 02/03/2022 20:57

My rule on social media is to keep it positive and light hearted. My friend recently was telling me about problems she was having with her depression medication and was so shocked when I mentioned I was on the same tablets. As far as she is concerned my life is perfect. In reality it's not BUT I don't moan to the whole world about it. My real close friends would know what's happening on my life if they ask.
My husband is pretty good compared to most, and an amazing husband and person but our marriage is not and we have struggled as a couple of many years. But I don't need to share that with anyone it's private.

I know two couples who would post date night, perfect photos and both are separated now:

musicviking1 · 02/03/2022 21:09

I don't post my business on facebook, I figure if you're actually in my life you'll know what I'm up to plus my family have a family WhatsApp group now so that's where we post photos should we want to. I never post on instagram either that's become a platform for z-listers to flog stuff.

newnameforthis76 · 02/03/2022 22:27

I post maybe two or three pics of me and DP a year, mainly because I live a long way from our families and most of our close mates so social media is how we all keep in touch. We are really happy, and I wouldn’t share photos (or be in a relationship with him at all) if we weren’t.

I personally love seeing pictures of people I like being happy. If I begrudged that or thought they were doing it for show, I wouldn’t be friends with them. I generally stick to being friends with people I like and who are nice and sincere.

Sure, some people might be pretending. But to me it feels really jarring to assume (or hope) that your friends are all unhappy and hate their partners.

ChocolateIsAlwaysTheAnswer · 02/03/2022 22:32

I think some couples genuinely do have lovely relationships.
A friend of mine is married to a lovely guy and they have wonderful kids. Look like a family from a catalogue. Nothing fake about it. They are just lucky to have what they have.

Foxglovers · 02/03/2022 23:03

@gingerhills

It's probably very unfair but I always assume the ones posting how wonderful their marriage is all the time are the ones having problems. Or even if the marriage is happy, they at some level need the approval or envy of the world in order to enjoy their own lives.

I always think this too! Cynical I know…

ComtesseDeSpair · 02/03/2022 23:12

^^ To be fair, I assume the same of parents who post photos of their DC looking cute or doing activities - that the rest of the time they’re little tossers and said parent is desperately trying to convince themselves they wouldn’t rather leave them at the side of the road somewhere and drive away.

gingerhills · 02/03/2022 23:21

@ChocolateIsAlwaysTheAnswer

I think some couples genuinely do have lovely relationships. A friend of mine is married to a lovely guy and they have wonderful kids. Look like a family from a catalogue. Nothing fake about it. They are just lucky to have what they have.

But do they insta every moment of their lives or do they just live them?

ChocolateIsAlwaysTheAnswer · 03/03/2022 13:09

They don't overly post on social media but as I say, they are genuinely happy a a couple, have amazing and beautiful kids and lots of friends/great careers. Life just falls that way for some people.

incognitoforthisone · 03/03/2022 14:03

Sure, some people might be pretending. But to me it feels really jarring to assume (or hope) that your friends are all unhappy and hate their partners.

@newnameforthis76 My thoughts exactly! I'm regularly amazed by how many people on Mumsnet apparently actively dislike their supposed friends. And it's not as if it's hard to just mute someone on social media if you can't handle seeing a picture of them looking happy.

I've had times in my life where I've been extremely unhappy in relationships but at no point would I have found it comforting to believe that my friends were secretly miserable too

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