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Original poster

To get my partner a Men's Health Check for his birthday?

54 replies

largeprintagathachristie · 02/03/2022 18:10

Would it go down like a lead balloon to get my partner (late 50s) a private health Men's Health Check for his birthday? It would, wouldn't it. Hmmm.

  • He smoked from the age of 14 (I know, right) into his 40's, most of that heavily
  • He's put on a lot of weight and his BMI must be pretty bad, I'm guessing 30.5, which is in the obese range. (He would probably see himself as a little overweight.)
  • His father died young from a heart attack

I haven't mentioned the weight for about a year as it does not go down well. And I can see I would be pissed off if the situation were reversed. But I honestly don't care what he looks like; I'm worried about cardiovascular disease.
He is quite fatalistic about some of his contemporaries starting to die from heart attacks.

Covid was also an eye-opener, as I suspect he might not have fared well, had he contracted it before vaccination.

Anyway, any advice welcome, on how to bring up the subject and have a helpful conversation without being shut down, or indeed if you think the Men's Health Check might be a go-er rather than completely inflammatory. They're really expensive but it would be worth it to me.

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 02/03/2022 18:12

Poor bloke. A lovely meal or even a weekend away? Nope. Have some bloods done and a prostate exam.
It’d be like getting a smear test for Christmas. Confused

luxxlisbon · 02/03/2022 18:13

Can’t imagine many people would be chuffed at that for a birthday present. That’s like someone booking you a dentist appointment for Christmas.

Boood · 02/03/2022 18:13

Happy birthday, I think you should worry more because you’re clearly going to die soon!

fairlygoodmother · 02/03/2022 18:14

I don't blame you for wanting him to have a check up but that is NOT a good birthday present!

sadpapercourtesan · 02/03/2022 18:14

Can't he book one anyway, if you're worried about his health? I don't like the idea of giving it as a gift for a few reasons:

  1. it's a pretty joyless gift
  2. it's his health, so it should be his decision to book a check
  3. if it throws up anything worrying, it's an even shitter gift!
Notimeforaname · 02/03/2022 18:14

No. Do not get him that as a gift.

Have the separate conversation with him and see if he will go himself for a check up. He's not a child.
Get him something nice for his birthday.

Echobelly · 02/03/2022 18:15

No, not a present and often not much good anyway.

KrisAkabusi · 02/03/2022 18:15

@Wolfiefan

Poor bloke. A lovely meal or even a weekend away? Nope. Have some bloods done and a prostate exam. It’d be like getting a smear test for Christmas. Confused
This! Grin

Get him to do one if you're worried, but don't make it his present!

Notimeforaname · 02/03/2022 18:15

Just tell him what you've said here. Outline why you're concerned and ask him if he will make an appointment.

22Giraffes · 02/03/2022 18:15

No that would be a horrible gift! If you can afford it then maybe suggest you could both have one together but don't try and dress it up like a present, that's just shit.

Bagpusssays · 02/03/2022 18:15

The birthday and your concerns re his lifestyle choices are two separate things.

Maybe start a thread asking how you can influence him to make positive changes as I think the birthday gift idea will just make the thread go all wrong. Wink

EthelTheAardvark · 02/03/2022 18:17

How would you feel to get that as a present, especially from someone who you know has been going on about your weight?

By all means encourage him to have a check, but not as a present. Doesn't your GP surgery offer something like this anyway so you don't have to pay?

NotAScoobyToBeSeen · 02/03/2022 18:18

Please dont bring up his weight, now or ever. He knows he's put on weight and he's a grown up. If he wants to address it, he will, but he needs to do it for himself or else it wont work long term, qnd bringing up his weight, even if put as a health concern will just make him feel more shit about himself and potentially then overeat to find comfort/work off frustration etc.

Love him as he is, flaws and all, same as he (hopefully) loves you

Original poster
largeprintagathachristie · 02/03/2022 18:18

That wouldn't have been his only birthday present, but yes, I can see what you're saying!

OP posts:
Stompythedinosaur · 02/03/2022 18:19

I think it would be awful! You would make him feel bad on his birthday.

When I was 13 an aunt bought me a weight watchers membership for my birthday - I have never forgotten how it felt. I think this is the same sort of thing.

Original poster
largeprintagathachristie · 02/03/2022 18:25

Yes, I think a thread asking about about how or indeed whether I can bring up his weight as a health concern, would have been a better idea.

I don't "go on" about his weight. I've been waiting a year without saying a word, hoping that he might do something. He, off his own bat, tried the Noom app once and got on really well. Then said he didn't need to pay for it as he could do it on his own.

If there wasn't the long history of heavy smoking I would be less worried.

OP posts:
XenoBitch · 02/03/2022 18:26

Terrible idea. A gift is meant to be something the recipient would enjoy.
It sounds like you want him to have these checks for your own piece of mind. That is not a present.
How would you feel about receiving the women's version for your birthday?

DorothyZbornakIsAQueen · 02/03/2022 18:28

Worst. Gift. Ever.

MCLQC · 02/03/2022 18:30

Over 50’s should be able to get one free at the Docs. Cholesterol, heart, blood pressure should all be checked.

embarrassedbirthday · 02/03/2022 18:30

I have a thread at the moment about my family forgetting my birthday... I feel quite lucky now Grin

DamnUserName21 · 02/03/2022 18:31

I'd love it but, yeah, pretty joyless for most, I'm sure.
Due to his age, he should be eligible for NHS healthcheck invite (obv this will vary from practice to practice due to capacity) but this will include bloods, BP, BMI etc.

Original poster
largeprintagathachristie · 02/03/2022 18:33

As long as I got something fun as well, I wouldn't be horrified at getting a women's health check as a present. I'd sort of think, aww, he really does want me to be around in 20 years, that's kind of lovely/it's an odd present, but well intentioned etc. .

Almost, so bad it's good.

But it sounds as though the verdict is just bad.
I did know it was a wildcard.

OP posts:
EmmaH2022 · 02/03/2022 18:34

OP "He is quite fatalistic about some of his contemporaries starting to die from heart attacks. "

He sounds like me. It really just means I'm not worried about it. I would much rather go earlier than have the long life that some family members
are having.

You can ask him to go for a check but if he wants to live life for now, that's his choice.

LizzieSiddal · 02/03/2022 18:35

I know where you’re coming from but don’t buy it for his birthday as he will be upset.
However I’ve just persuaded my dh to go to the Drs and do a full mens check. They do everything, prostate- which is a blood test, cholesterol, diabetes, blood pressure, heart check. Would you be able to persuade him to do that check, just so you stop worrying about him.

XenoBitch · 02/03/2022 18:35

Why wait for one day (a birthday) to show you are worried about his health? You can bring it up at any time.