Is this normal - Ultimately leaving DH to decide on things

[babygirlmummy2020]

Just wondering if anyone else generally lets their other half decide on stuff, just because it's easier than dealing with the fall out if he doesn't like said decision?

I'm thinking more about not very important decisions. Like which curtains to buy or which carpet etc.

We are currently doing up our house and generally we are on the same page, but sometimes not. I ultimately go with his opinion most of the time because if we go with mine and he doesn't like it, I won't hear the end of it.

Does anyone else do this ? Or am I just copping out ?

One of my favourite traits of my dp is he has zero interest in curtains/ decor/ whatever. He just says as long as it isnt pink or purple then whatever. If he had an opinion I guess we would have to reach a compromise... your dh sounds a bit over bearing tbh.

Most times I’ve done this with interior design I’ve regretted it. In fact we are just about to repaint the chimney breat in the colour I initially chose.

On some things like restaurants I might give in. All about compromise I guess.

" ... if we go with mine and he doesn't like it, I won't hear the end of it."
So he browbeats you? (Definition: intimidate (someone), typically into doing something, with stern or abusive words.)

It's not normal, and it's not good.

"Letting him decide because you don't care is fine. Letting him decide because you're scared of the fallout is not."
Let that sink in for a bit.

Also, have a think about what @Jota67 said:
"I used to do this for a quiet life. Let him choose furniture, what to watch at cinema, which restaurant to go to etc.

I justified it as it wasn't so important in big scheme of things.....

However over time I started to really resent it and because he was used to getting his own way if I proposed something different it would result in an argument.

In the end I felt I lost part of my identity and woke up and thought I don't want to live this life.

I divorced him and am so much happier."

You might think that you're avoiding problems in the short term by abdicating all decision-making to him; but you might actually be creating long term problems that will be more damaging to your marriage than pointing out to him that he is being overbearing and to wind his neck in.

No.

Sometimes I let him decide because I don't care. Sometimes we delegate the decision to one person because the other trusts them to sort it. Sometimes we give the other the pleasure of making a choice by themselves freely.

But no hedging and compromising for the sake of a quiet life because there will be "consequences" for getting it "wrong".

Depends really, anything to do with the house or children the final decision is mine. Anything that I couldn’t care less about, such as holiday destinations (yes really!) what to have for dinner, watch at the movies etc I let him choose!

It’s normal to have different areas of expertise. DH generally defers to me on house stuff, holidays, kids, schools etc, and I usually (though not always) follow his lead on technology, car, finance…

If your DH is in charge of every decision then something isn’t quite right in the relationship: either he is dominating you or you’re forcing him to make all the decisions.

I think it's fine for your OH to make decisions. In fact sometimes it's a bit of a relief when mine makes a decision because it's a weight off my shoulders! This is esp true when it's something he knows more about.

What I don't think is fine is you letting his decide because he'll kick off if you don't.

That's pretty abusive and not a good pattern to fall into. It's fine when you're talking curtains but what about when there's a really important choice to be made?

@LampLighter414

People describing this as a controlling DH etc...

I know far more women who act like this, whose partners are not empowered to make any decisions at all for fear of never hearing the end of it. The wife rules the roost for sure.

So? Irrelevant and goady comment. And/ or you need nicer friends.