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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Not to share the inheritance?

80 replies

Lauren1983 · 01/03/2022 20:41

My great grandfather died a decade ago. Me and several siblings plus my cousins were left various shares. We all received the money from the shares when we all turned 18 however it has come to light that there was a share left. We have been told it will be a low 4 figure sum each.

My mother has said that me and my siblings should give whatever money we receive to her mother (my grandfathers daughter) or to her instead.

I don't really want to give up whatever money I get as I have a few money problems and it could really help me. My parents had a inheritance of roughly 200k last year so are not in desperate need.

WIBU to keep my share? For clarity none of my siblings are well off either.

OP posts:

RealBecca · 01/03/2022 22:55

Mums want what's best for their kids. Sounds like yours wants what's best for her.

I wouldn't be bending over backwards for someone asking for your inheritance.

lljkk · 01/03/2022 23:01

likely to cut me out of the family

You haven't said anything to convince us a relationship with your mum is worth keeping.

nettie434 · 01/03/2022 23:29

@NoSquirrels

If your mum and dad got £200K last year and are happy to see their daughter and granddaughter freeze for the lack of a new boiler, I’d assume that being cut off from them might be a blessing.

I agree!

Thisbastardcomputer · 01/03/2022 23:36

We had an uncle who died intestate, after a hell of a falling out with his existing siblings, myself and my siblings got what would have been my Dad's share, had he been alive.

My mother asked if this money could be split 5 ways instead of 4, to include her.

This woman had buried two husbands, been left two houses and plenty of money and my Dad had been part of a family business, she got his share when it sold. Out of hundreds of thousands of pounds, she gave us about £800:pounds each.

Short answer to her question - Not a chance

Chloemol · 01/03/2022 23:45

Nope. Your money, you were left it
I would tell her the truth, you have issues, you need the money, you are aware she got an inheritance last year so she can give some of that to her mother if she wishes

No doubt she will threaten you with being written out if their will but so be it

SummerWhisper · 01/03/2022 23:52

She sounds like a greedy, nasty piece of work. £200K and her daughter and granddaughter are in need of heating and she is trying to take away the only bit of hope that you have to keep your child warm??

I agree with @NoSquirrels - she really isn't worth maintaining a relationship with. Ignore her; buy the boiler and be happy. Having her in your life must suck all the joy out of it.

watchingrnfire · 02/03/2022 00:00

Your mother sounds absolutely selfish. Tell her you have financial needs that will be alleviated with that money. It is also left to you, so you have a right, it's not your fault her father didn't leave her anything. Put the remaining money for your child's future. If she wants to cut you out for a small amount of money, it's her loss. Don't even tell her when the money comes in

CognitiveDissolver · 02/03/2022 00:05

Tell your solicitor that your mother is trying to influence you in giving up what you're entitled to under the will. And tell your mother she can give her mother some of the 200k she and your father inherited.

Count your blessings if she does cut you off, but sadly its unlikely as it will mean giving up someone to manipulate.

WhereYouLeftIt · 02/03/2022 00:14

@Lauren1983

She has said that one of my cousins is giving her father half of her share so I think this is also influencing her.

My mother won't take it well if I don't give her at least half and is likely to cut me out of the family so I have to weigh up if it is just best to keep her happy.

How exactly is she going to cut you out of 'the family'? She can go in a huff and not talk to you (although personally I'd see that as a benefit not a punishment). But she can't cut you out of your siblings and cousins lives, can she?

Since she's presumably trying to strong-arm all the others too, I'd suggest you get together, put up a united front and tell the greedy git to fuck off. Whilst possibly throwing in the hand grenade of asking her what kind of a grandmother she calls herself, wanting her granddaughter living in a cold house.

Your mother is not a good person. Don't be bullied by her.

Sweetpeasaremadeofcheese · 02/03/2022 00:44

Look her right in the eye and ask her what type of mother tries to take money from her child that's struggling..she should be ashamed of herself

Fromthebirdsnest · 02/03/2022 00:57

Absolutely not ! My husband's grandfather was a bit of a character (sadly not in a nice way) and used his will to upset people , it was a very large estate that got shared with a few family members my husband has 2 younger brothers they were both born at the time of the will bring written and he only left money to my husband and his one brother , his youngest brother for nothing he was only about 2 at the time so it wasn't because he was disliked it was purely to cause upset within the family, when my husband and his brother received there trust they offered to spilt it equally with the youngest brother , he refused as he felt that he didn't really want it , instead they each gifted him and considerable lump sum for his 21st birthday ... However no-one asked them to do this or even to split the money as it was there's , your mother has already been left money and is being cruel by asking you for yours ... I find inheritance brings out an incredibly vulgar and greedy side to people ..

Tigandgab · 02/03/2022 06:14

I don't know why this is even an issue. Tell her to fuck off. If she'll cut you off over this then it will be her loss not yours.

Alrightqueenie · 02/03/2022 07:36

It's your money and tell her it's been earmarked for debt repayment to prevent bailiffs from knocking at your door. If that doesn't shut her up, then I don't know what will.

timeisnotaline · 02/03/2022 07:46

@NoSquirrels

If your mum and dad got £200K last year and are happy to see their daughter and granddaughter freeze for the lack of a new boiler, I’d assume that being cut off from them might be a blessing.

This. She’d let her daughter and grandchild go without heating? You’re better off without people like that. My parents would have bought us a new boiler.

Thewindwhispers · 02/03/2022 07:55

I don’t understand. Parents shouldn’t ask their children for money unless the parent is struggling financially and the child is well off.

Sohnds to me like there some very strange financial politics going on in the family and that great-grandad either knew this and was trying to help the younger ones, or he wasn’t very nice and was trying to punish his daughter for whatever. We can’t tell you which it is but if there is any risk that your mother would cut you out of her life over a money row then the relationship is already very unloving and strange.

Unless it’s clear that the great/grandad was trying to upset someone who needs help (in which case I’d help them) then I’d keep the money.

Original poster

Lauren1983 · 02/03/2022 08:07

Thanks everyone for the advice.

Just to be clear my mother was in my great grandfathers will. She received money while the great grandchildren had shares so she wasnt cut out. I did realise last night that she is telling me to give the incoming money to my grandmother as she believes that is fair however she kept all of her inheritance. Surely my mother should have given her share up too if that is what she believes?

Unfortunately being cut out does mean from the whole family. I have fallen out with her in the past and it affected my relationship with my father and siblings. They know if they go against her it will happen to them as well so they stay in her good books. I have little doubt that they will all give her the money and I will be the one compared and cast out.

I think I have to take the risk though as my daughter is the priority and the new boiler is essential. We are now getting mould on the windows so I'm concerned about our health.

OP posts:

LookItsMeAgain · 02/03/2022 08:34

I'd frame any response I'd give to a mother like that in such a way as to say it isn't for you it's for your child. She cannot begrudge you putting something away to build into a nest egg for your child, surely???

So something like this:
"No mum, I will not be sharing any of this 'new' inheritance with you or with granny. I will be setting up an ISA (or whatever) for DD and she will benefit. I will not. Surely a granny can't begrudge her granddaughter something from her great-great-grandfather? You'd have to be pretty cold and unfeeling to be so greedy and grabby to take from a child, don't you think?"

Now, once you get the money, you can put some/all/none into a savings account for your child but you just stick to that message that it's for your child and she can go and do one if she kicks off.

In fact, someone so toxic wouldn't be someone I'd want having an influence on how my child grows up so if they kick off, go grey rock or no contact at all.

BluerThanRobinsEggs · 02/03/2022 09:31

If she doesn't cut you out over this, it'll be something else later down the line. Get yourself a new boiler and whatever else you need - your mother doesn't need another weekend at the Ritz.

Munkustrap · 02/03/2022 09:51

Part of your inheritance has been invested for the past decade and so has gone up in value. If she had invested the cash she received then she may have more now.

whenwilliwillibefamous · 02/03/2022 10:04

I'm so sorry OP!
I suppose you can tell her that you'll seriously consider it.
Then spend it all on sorting out the boiler etc.
Then if she asks, there's none left, sorry.

LuaDipa · 02/03/2022 13:55

@Sweetpeasaremadeofcheese

Look her right in the eye and ask her what type of mother tries to take money from her child that's struggling..she should be ashamed of herself

This.

She seems a very selfish human being to begrudge her struggling child a small windfall.

Fwiw, my dm would have just paid for a boiler for me or siblings if we were struggling. She would hate to think of us being cold, particularly dgc.

jeaux90 · 02/03/2022 15:22

No. Why put anyone else in the family before yours and your DDs needs.

Nanny0gg · 02/03/2022 15:25

@Lauren1983

There are problems in that she is very critical and negative so it is very hard to please her

Then don't.

Nanny0gg · 02/03/2022 15:26

@Munkustrap

Part of your inheritance has been invested for the past decade and so has gone up in value. If she had invested the cash she received then she may have more now.

And could equally have gone down.

The OP should keep it

Cherrysoup · 02/03/2022 15:30

Your mum sounds horrible! Why on earth would she demand your inheritance, knowing you are broke?

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