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to be upset that BF is talking to his ex wife every day
42

TraciB · 01/03/2022 09:45

started a new relationship 2 months ago. everything going great but he told me out of the blue in conversation his ex wife calls him everyday, they were together 10 years but split up 4 years ago after a very nasty break up...he doesn't think there is anything strange about this as he says they are now friends and there is nothing else going on between them, his ex has been with her partner since they split up .... he seems to befriends with a lot of his ex partners - am i being unreasonable to be upset andbothered by this?

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Am I being unreasonable?

AIBU

You have one vote. All votes are anonymous.

KindlyKanga · 01/03/2022 09:45

Does he have kids with her?

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Frigginintheriggin · 01/03/2022 09:49

After 2 months you really can't be policing his phone calls.
BUT if that doesn't suit you in a partner move on.

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SoupDragon · 01/03/2022 09:51

You could look on it as a positive - if he is friends with a lot of his ex partners he's unlikely to be a complete wanker.

If you are the jealous sort though, he isn't the partner for you.

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TraciB · 01/03/2022 09:51

No they do not have kids together

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ProfFloss · 01/03/2022 09:52

It’s not normal. YANBU.

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LampLighter414 · 01/03/2022 09:52

@SoupDragon

You could look on it as a positive - if he is friends with a lot of his ex partners he's unlikely to be a complete wanker.

If you are the jealous sort though, he isn't the partner for you.

This

If you know this would deeply annoy you for the rest of your life, ask for it to end (be prepared he could refuse) or end the relationship.
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Sally872 · 01/03/2022 09:53

Would not be for me. Wouldn't mind them being friendly but calling anyone every day feels a bit much (unless a person especially lonely or in need of support but doesn't sound like this is the case, even if it is ex wife should have more appropriate people to lean on for her own sake)

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WeDontShutUpAboutBruno · 01/03/2022 09:54

Its maybe not your normal, but it is his.

Dating is so you can see if you're compatible, you and him probably aren't so it's perfectly fine to move on.

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BlondeWidow · 01/03/2022 10:24

Nope, they're still enmeshed. RUN!

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Chely · 01/03/2022 10:32

If no kids involved I think it's weird to be so close with any ex. I couldn't be with someone like him.

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incognitoforthisone · 01/03/2022 10:34

If they don't have kids, calling every day is a bit weird, yes. I'd have no issue someone being friendly with exes but that sounds a bit intense.

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AnnaSW1 · 01/03/2022 10:35

If they don't have kids then I'd call it a day. He's still into her.

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Ohdearthatwasntgreatwasit · 01/03/2022 10:38

What would you prefer their relationship to look like?

Exs in general are an uncomfortable reality of the dating world, I’m sure we’d all prefer that they just didn’t exist, but they always will.

Whilst I agree that this is unusual, I think the alternative (at each other’s throats) would be far worse.

I can see why you’re uncomfortable, but it’s a strong indicator that he’s a decent sort.

Can you not just go with it?

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Viviennemary · 01/03/2022 10:38

I couldn't put up with this. Neither of them have let go. Leave them to it.

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grapewines · 01/03/2022 10:40

Every day is a lot to talk to anyone, let alone an ex.

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Cocomarine · 01/03/2022 10:41

I don’t talk to my husband, my sister, or my best friend every day.

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VladmirsPoutine · 01/03/2022 10:44

I don't talk to anyone every single day even my closest friends and siblings. Even if it's all 'above board' it's not normal and that it's making you feel a certain way speaks volumes. Just because it's his normal doesn't mean it has to be yours. I'd bring it up - it's only been 2 months so if you're still in a position to walk away with no huge investment into the relationship as it will eat away at you if you try to behave like everything's fine.

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Aprilx · 01/03/2022 10:46

@Ohdearthatwasntgreatwasit

What would you prefer their relationship to look like?

Exs in general are an uncomfortable reality of the dating world, I’m sure we’d all prefer that they just didn’t exist, but they always will.

Whilst I agree that this is unusual, I think the alternative (at each other’s throats) would be far worse.

I can see why you’re uncomfortable, but it’s a strong indicator that he’s a decent sort.

Can you not just go with it?

Being at each other’s throats is not the only alternative though. The normal alternative is that they have both moved on and have little to no contact.
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chachacharlie · 01/03/2022 10:50

Being civil & polite is one thing, speaking every day is quite different.
He isn't over her yet & is holding on to the hope that she will come back.
Don't be his fallback/rebound girlfriend.

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KindlyKanga · 01/03/2022 11:08

I'd end it.

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Aquamarine1029 · 01/03/2022 12:42

End it immediately. There's nothing normal about this.

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Duracellbunnywannabe · 01/03/2022 12:44

I don’t even speak to my own husband everyday.

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BeHappy91818 · 01/03/2022 12:45

No it’s not normal and I wouldn’t tolerate it either.
End it and find someone else.

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MakeThingsRight · 01/03/2022 12:47

Ex and I will text nearly every day, sometimes speak but we do have a child together - been split 13 years.

Some people can remain friends with exes, some can't. I'm not friends with any of my other exes, him either really so I can see why it is quite weird.

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MakeThingsRight · 01/03/2022 12:48

I should add that he has had 2 long term relationships since me, and I am in one. We are completely over each other.

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