To not take my baby up to bed earlier

[Bells3032]

My little one is 10 weeks old but came at 34 weeks so has an adjusted age of 4 weeks.

Currently, I take her up at midnight (during the day she always stays downstairs), change her and get her into her grow bag and give her her milk. Sing to her and cuddles and then she goes down in her cot by about 1230 to 1245ish. She now wakes at around 5 and then at 8-9ish. This works for me atm as I am a night owl and don't want to sit upstairs all evening. However it means she often sleeps all morning which is when all the baby classes are and I always wide awake in the evenings when we have people over or go out. Whether that's good or bad is debatable.

No idea if I should bother changing her sleep pattern or leave it til the sleep regression period.

If I should change any hints on how to do that.

Don't worry about what others think you should be doing, there will be plenty of time to change bedtimes etc when older.

My Son is 9 months now but until he was almost 6 months he slept in the same room as us and same as yourself, I didn't want to be stuck up in my room all night. We had a wee cot in the livingroom for him and he'd usually fall asleep about 10/10:30pm so I'd put him in the livingroom cot then carry him up to bed when I went up about 12/12:30 and give him a dream feed - luckily this worked with him though and he'd always stay sleeping when I moved him.
He didn't get up until 11/11:30 which was ideal for me.

He himself gradually started waking up earlier so I did then start putting him down earlier as he would be tired earlier. He's 9 months now and gets up between 8 and 9 regardless of what time I put him to bed so we put him down at 8pm. We've been doing that since he was 6 months and in his own room as it meant we didn't need to sit upstairs with him and also meant we had a few hours to ourselves in the evening. He did that naturally though, I just followed his lead

@Fallingonice

You are supposed to stay with them when asleep until they are six months. I know in practice a lot of people don’t but ten weeks is a bit on the young side.

She hasn't said she's put her in her own room, that's why she takes her up at midnight because she doesn't want to be sat upstairs all night

Your baby is tiny!
At this point baby classes are a great resource for mums, the baby will get all the excitement they need by just, living, really… yes do talk to the baby and go for walks, but at that age, a set of fairy lights are the equivalent of a full on fireworks display
It works for you - don’t change it
You know the baby will change its pattern soon anyway, so enjoy while it lasts

Lou - I know, i was answering the poster who suggested a baby monitor, sorry, not the OP

I did similar with my daughter but I was too tired to stay up that late so we did 9-9. All my friends did 6-6 or 7-7 and now have toddlers that wake up at 4:30-5:30am which is a no from me. My daughter is 19 months and sleeps 8-7/8 which works for preschool and my days off.

If it works for you keep doing it. You don't have to have an early riser just because everyone else does!

@AnEpisodeOfEastenders

Have you got a monitor so you can listen in? We have a monitor and camera in the nursery, baby is in bed by 7pm, woken to feed at 11 and then sleeps until 7am. The monitor / camera are great and really sensitive. Started the routine at 1 week and slept through from 8 weeks. Each baby is different so not saying we’re right, but it worked for us.

Please do not follow this from @AnEpisodeOfEastenders. To reduce SIDs the safest place for a baby to be is in the same room as you for the first six months and also, further consideration should be given for premature babies. Newborns should feed on demand and be allowed to wake naturally, but may need to be woken up if they haven't done so naturally within the last three hours. It is not unusual for babies to feed 11-13 times in 24hrs.

Can you not have her sleeping downstairs in the evening? I wouldn’t go to bed at 7pm either but I’d just have her napping downstairs then maybe 10/11 when I was ready for bed take her up and settle her into crib in our room. I mean she’ll wake for a feed anyway I’d assume so maybe at that point take her upstairs to bed. Shes a little young to be needing the whole 7-7 routine anyway even if you wanted to go down that road. I do think a 12-12 could be setting her body clock up oddly though. Maybe inch it forward to 9-9 if you doing that kind of routine. Then she’s awake in the morning for a while before a nap rather than not waking until lunchtime. This might help as she gets older and weans so would want meals etc.

I mean overall she’s pretty tiny for now so if you all happy and content I wouldn’t worry much about whats “right”. It’s not like she’s having to be up for preschool and isn’t going to bed until midnight she’s only a baby.

I definitely wouldn’t be taking a baby born at 34 weeks to baby groups at that age, so definitely wouldn’t be worried about baby sleeping all morning.
You’re doing the right thing staying with baby while she sleeps. At that age our babies slept in the pram in the living room or on us until we were ready to go up to bed

She’s so tiny still, it actually sounds like a very good routine to me, and if you and she are happy with it then I’d stick with it. She will change so so much in the next weeks and months so nothing is ever set in stone, even if you wanted it to be, so if this is working now then I wouldn’t try and change things unless you want to. Congrats on your little one, it’s an amazing but exhausting time!

@Fallingonice ah I'm sorry, I thought you'd picked the OP up wrong

@Bells3032 in the short term if it works for you then that's all that matters, with tiny babies you just have to do what works for you in order to survive the horrendous sleep deprivation.

In the longer term, here's an interesting article on why earlier bedtimes may be better for children's development: slate.com/human-interest/2016/05/put-your-kids-to-bed-early-to-make-them-smarter-happier-and-fitter.html . Wishing you and your little one well x

Ps I never had any kind of routine for mine. The didn’t like sleeping and had colic so evenings could be interesting. At that ages they stayed with us asleep or awake until we went to bed then slept in our room. I found as they approached 6mths plus they did fall into their own sleep patterns of 7/8pm “bedtime” which worked well as could use monitor then. They still woke lots in night but never crazily early morning. They both sleep 7/8-7/8 now no issues. No early starts. You’ll find your own way. Don’t be caught up in the “I should be doing this because that’s what everyone says” worries it taints early months of parenthood.

@Bogofftosomewherehot you do you, was just saying what’s working for us.

It sounds like you have a happy contented baby. I wouldn't change that. 10 week old babies do not need baby classes, they need milk and sleep.

Just to clarify some things:

1. She has a moses basket downstairs and I put her in there during the day and her cot upstairs during the night. I like to diffentriate between day and night. I usually bring her down about 9am and she naps downstairs.
2. I tried to start taking her up half an hour earlier but found she just didn't fall asleep. She likes to be awake in the evening. I also have tried to wake her in the morning but she's a good sleeper and will wake up for a few minutes look at me with evil eyes and immediately fall back asleep. Haha.
3. I do not and would not leave my ten week old to sleep upstairs unattended for more than a few minutes. I know others do but I'm too anxious of sids for that kind of thing.

@Notajogger

This would worry me if it were my DC...I can't remember at which point their circadian rhythm kicks in but surely this type of schedule will put it out of whack.

In general though I agree with this. I would be a bit concerned that you may struggle to establish more ‘traditional’ sort of routines in the future, although I suppose when you are trying to get a grumpy teenager out of bed it doesn’t matter really!

[quote AnEpisodeOfEastenders]@Bogofftosomewherehot you do you, was just saying what’s working for us.[/quote]
@AnEpisodeOfEastenders From a professional perspective I would not support mothers choices to isolate babies a 1 week and putting them in a separate room 7-7 and expecting them to go 11pm-7am without a feed. This is dangerous practice.

@Bogofftosomewherehot from a parental perspective this has been our approach for all three children and has worked for them all. If I’ve got a monitor on to listen in and they’re in the next room then why shouldn’t we do it this way? And if the baby is sleeping quite happily from 11pm to 7am without a feed then how is it a dangerous practice.

[quote AnEpisodeOfEastenders]@Bogofftosomewherehot from a parental perspective this has been our approach for all three children and has worked for them all. If I’ve got a monitor on to listen in and they’re in the next room then why shouldn’t we do it this way? And if the baby is sleeping quite happily from 11pm to 7am without a feed then how is it a dangerous practice.[/quote]
@AnEpisodeOfEastenders The evidence base supports what I have said both in terms of proximity and regular feeding. Just because it worked for you and your 3 children doesn't make it right or less risky or good practice.

@Bogofftosomewherehot but you’re saying it’s wrong? Advice used to be for babies to sleep on their front. And to be swaddled, then not swaddled (don’t know what it is now). Surely it’s about what you’re comfortable with and what suits baby?

Current advice is that it’s wrong, yes here

Well that would never have worked for me. Up to bed about 6.30 for a bath, story, feed and down about 7.30. Then a relaxed evening child free with my partner (and shock horror the kids always slept in their own rooms, which were actually on a different floor to mine). Up to bed about 11, sleepy feed (at age of yours might have woken already for feed), then up for feed again about 2ish, then 6am up for the day. My baby was born just before 37 weeks, second at 38 but I didn't do any 'adjusting'.
This meant baby followed a routine from day one. It meant I had an almost normal evening with my husband. There was never any sleep regression with any of our kids (4 between us). By three months routine was pretty set and reliable. Days worked well - all of us up, and we could go do our baby groups/coffee meets/monkey music whatever. They certainly were more for me - I would have gone spare without other adult company!
I could have been lucky that my kids slept pretty well, or it may have been my fairly strict night time routine - who can say? But my friends who had a more 'go with the flow' attitude tended to have interrupted nights and were always sleep deprived.
But whatever works for you... except it doesn't as you say you miss out. So decide what you want then start implementing it or leave it as it is.

[quote AnEpisodeOfEastenders]@Bogofftosomewherehot but you’re saying it’s wrong? Advice used to be for babies to sleep on their front. And to be swaddled, then not swaddled (don’t know what it is now). Surely it’s about what you’re comfortable with and what suits baby?[/quote]
@AnEpisodeOfEastenders It would be interesting to know the age of your kids.

SIDS rates halved when parents moved from placing babies on their tummies to placing them on their backs. It has never been advised to swaddle and place them on their fronts. This also ties in with accidental death and suffocation and examining how deaths are classified.

I am not here to argue with you and would say it's less about doing what you're comfortable with are more about providing parents with the best evidence base possible so enable them to make an informed choice .
Maybe if you saw the rates of readmissions for babies that should have been fed you wouldn't be suggesting that 1-8wk old babies should go 11pm-7am.
You've probably guessed that I work in this field. I commented as your advice (whilst right for you) was not sound.

Neither of mine would sleep in the evening as newborns , they were both awake until 10 or 11pm up until about 3 months old. Then they gradually started getting tired for bed earlier às they slept less during the day until they were ready for bed 7-8ish. I wouldn't worry about it at this point, her sleep pattern will change.

Do whatever works for you and your baby. Nothing else matters.