Have you ever lent someone money and never got it back?

[marooncat7]

In my early 20s I had a friend, well actually he was a bit more than a friend. He lived abroad and we had met a few times and had a bit of a holiday romance. We spoke online all the time and it was, I believed, a friendship.

But he then lost his job, and was going through financial issues (or so he said). He said he was sleeping in his car and asked me for money to buy food via Western Union. I suggested he ask his family for help, but he came up with lots of excuses. He promised he would pay me back and stupidly I believed him. So I sent him £100 (which goes quite far in his country). He wanted more than that. But I said that's all I could give, as I was a student myself with a small income.

Well, surprise surprise, I never got the money back. I know I was stupid to ever think I would, or to give it in the first place. I am not usually someone who is so easily fooled.

However, he did put pictures on social media within a week of him and his new girlfriend, who he had started to live with. Obviously he wasn't living in his car anymore

I have no idea why he did such a thing to me, and I suppose I never will know. But watching things like The Tinder Swindler brings it all back, even though £100 is a small sum compared to what those women lost.

It taught me to trust no one and that many people out there have no conscience.

DH had a work friend who was/is living way beyond his means. He kept changing jobs and sometimes did have really impressive roles but never stayed put.

Over several years he approached DH 3 times begging for a loan of 5-10k. Twice DH said no. Third time he was asked in ‘absolute desperation’ for £5k for school fees just before term started or else the DC couldn’t start the term. He caved in and paid the school directly. CF swore the money would be repaid within days. That was 2.5 years ago.

We have a huge string of texts which are almost comical in their repetitive nonsense about deals/ sales which are imminent. About 3 months ago he randomly sent £2k. Maybe the rest will follow one day.

I can’t imagine living that way. I imagine he has a whole string of people/ institutions he is constantly fobbing off/ sending small amounts to. He’s an idiot, a CF and has lost his reputation in their industry.

As far as I know his wife doesn’t even work. Ind probably those DC are still in their expensive school.

When I had my own business I took on a great new employee, he had excellent references and I knew him anyway. He asked for £10k as an advance on his wages which he would work off. I took out a business loan, gave him the money and never saw him or the money ever again.

I then leant a friend £6k (borrowed against my house) five years ago as they were about to be repossessed and had been made redundant. They pay a regular amount every month and will be all cleared by May this year.

Yes, but they were in dire straights and I knew not being paid back was a possibility when I made the decision to lend it, so had accepted that and not given more than I could afford to lose.

Was still disappointed that they weren’t honest with me and all contact stopped after I asked them for repayment a couple of months later.

You’re lucky your inner voice told you to only give him £100. I was flipping through FB the other day and was fascinated by an excerpt from Dr Phil (oh I know…) who was trying to get through to a woman who was choosing to keep her fantasy (to whom she had sent hundreds of thousands of $$$) despite Dr Phil finding the guy’s photo in shutter stock images, journalists going to all the places he told her he had lived and worked (nobody had heard of him or recognised his photo) totally unraveling his story about having his hand sewn back on and saved by his nurse friend in his garage when it was almost severed (He had a micro surgeon explain what would have been required to save the hand in the photo - 20+ hours of microsurgery with very expensive, specialist microsurgery equipment, followed by expensive drug therapy and Physio, etc…) nope… She was having none of it. This man is real and he loves her. People believe what they to fill a hole in their lives.

I have never been paid back any money I have lent anyone. If someone needs to borrow money it generally means they can’t afford to pay it back

@Jada1234

I lent 65k to a friend whom was a property developer 17yrs ago they never gave me a penny back. I lost my home back then and my children and I were homeless, just because I was stupid enough to trust someone.

oh my god how awful

My brother has taken thousands of pounds off me over the years, some lent, some bullied out of me, some stolen. Once I got older and strong enough to say no, he no longer has any reason to speak to me.

taught me to trust no oneand that many people out there have no conscience

Its a shame you've let 1 bad person have this type of life long emotional affect on you.

My DH did, before we met. He lent substantial sums of money to two "friends" - I am talking about thousands and thousands of pounds that he couldn't afford to lose. That was 30 years ago. He still hasn't given up on getting it back. He also lent £1500 to another "friend" a few years ago and had to take him to court to get it back.

The problem is that DH is a very moral person. He is very honest and would never cheat anyone, but he is incredibly fucking naive because he expects everyone else to be as honest and as moral as he is. He is very disappointed in his "friends" and feels quite disillusioned by the whole thing, but I'm not sure if he has really learned his lesson. I strongly suspect that, if another friend came to him in crisis/with a sob story, he would really struggle not to help. I hope that he would put some sort of formal agreement into place in future, though.

I love his honesty and his generosity. I just wish he wasn't so easy to take advantage of.

In 2007 I lent my newly ex-bf about £1000 so we could go on this long-planned trip to South Africa that I had quit my job for. He was unemployed and almost backed out last minute, so this meant he could come. I think he still owes me about £400 but it was so long ago I've written it off now 😅

When I've lent money to people in recent years I do keep on top of it and get the money back.

My brother. Multiple times. Ultimate man-child, nothing is ever his fault, there's always a reason, he'll always pay me back asap.

The moon will be a ball of Stilton and emmenthal before I see a penny of that money.

I still speak to him but am much more cautious now. We've never been really close but I've seen him cause a lot of hurt and worry to my family so I guess I was trying to reduce the chance of that happening again.

Yes - I was a student and would know better now. A girl in our friendship group was a total sponge. Always borrowing a fiver here and there, would come for dinner and contribute nothing, and take home any dregs of wine she’d brought with her (and drank most of). I reckon by the time we graduated she owed me the best part of £150-200, and the other girls in our friendship group said the same. Cut her off years ago and apparently she still speaks of me as if I’m the worst person in the world 😂

Banks are for lending. If someone has got to a position where the banks are no longer an option you won’t get your money back.

I have offered to help people fill out applications etc but they always actually seem to want an interest free loan with no mechanism to force repayment.

This is exactly what I think! If I need to borrow money, I’ll do it officially with a bank - means it doesn’t get in the way of friendships or family relationships, or turn them into a business relationship.

No one ever asks me to lend them money funnily enough. I must have “no” written on my forehead or something, but I’d definitely have to say “I can’t afford it” if they did

I’m in the midst of taking exh to court for maintenance arrears (under a court order not csa) if that counts?

I lent a friend a lot of money (around 2k) a long time ago which she hasn't paid back. We're still friends and it doesn't impact on our friendship other than I wouldn't lend her money now. I lent it knowing there was a risk I would never see it again. I lived with her at the time and could see how genuinely hard up she was. Trying to get her to pay the money back at the time would have destroyed her. I've written it off.

Lent £400 to friend to buy new car, this was years ago. She had 4 children so needed a car desperately. First mistake was to say, pay me back when you can, but thought that as she and DH were both working it wouldn’t be long. In the meantime they took family holidays abroad with no mention of the loan and we saw them regularly. Then out of the blue some 5 years later, they repaid the money.

yes, a relative. about £800 which I know doesn't sound like a fortune but I was a student with a p/t job at the time. I got them a second credit card on my account, which was supposed to be to help them through a temporary financial crisis. once they had access to the card I was quite able to see how they'd got into that particular hole in the first place.

So I'm another one who's learned the lesson not to lend what you can't afford to give. I do "lend" the odd tenner here and there now, because I am in the fortunate position of not having to count every penny, and so mentally write it off, and am pleasantly surprised if I see it again.

I paid for a new computer on finance for my mum's boyfriend at the time. It was a buy now, pay later deal and he couldn't pay for it at the time but said he'd pay it off before it cost me anything. An expensive lesson, because I paid that thing off for 3 years totalling around £1.5k, despite many times taking my bank details and promising to set up repayments. I think I saw £50 back. I should have had much more of a backbone about it, but I was 18 and had already been conditioned after years of handing over my savings/birthday money etc. to my mum whenever they needed it to buy food (since the food money had been spent on drugs...). Never saw any of that back either.

Yes, twice (stupidly), both times to help someone with deposit/rent up front to prevent them being homeless. Never got it back, disappointing that people are so disrespectful, I think they assumed 'we could afford it' and had no conscience about repaying us.

Yep. DH and I, several grand to a relative.
Fucker is still sitting on half of it, about 10 years down the track.

It's amazing how fast you can go off someone when they prove to be untrustworthy.

Yup. Just over 24 years ago I loaned a bloke I'd just met £150 to fix his car.

We've been married 24 years now and he still hasn't paid me back. 😁

Not money, but time and effort. A "friend" contacted me in desperation one Friday afternoon saying she had been let down by a freelancer and wouldn't be able to meet a Monday morning deadline. I work in the same field as the freelancer and she asked me if I could do the work instead. I agreed, told her the fee (which I gave her at a reduced rate because we sometimes met socially) and spent all weekend on the task. And I mean all weekend, from morning to night. I have invoiced her many times.... OVER THE LAST 9 YEARS.... and still haven't been paid. I have stopped asking but noticed that she actively avoids me. And it can't be because my work wasn't up to scratch as she used it, extensively.

I lent my sister several thousand pounds as a teenager (it was some inheritance so not small change) and the day she was due to start paying me back she refused and rubbed it in for years that she wouldn’t ever give me a penny of it. She did the same thing to our mum.

I did eventually get it back though as she came into some money from a business venture a year or two ago and she asked me to deal with all the paperwork and whatnot. I taxed her for my time with interest. No regrets.

My story isn't in any way as serious as some of these stories which are quite staggering in their CFness.

I kept finding myself , with a colleague at a sandwich bar , at the same time. I lost count of the number of times that either her card was declined but "I don't understand " so I'd pay or... she couldn't find her debit card, so I'd have to pay.
Embarrassed to say that it took me a while to change my morning routine.

I remember Carol MGiffin on loose women saying she never lends money. If people she cares about needs money and she can afford it then she gives it. If they pay it back then its a bonus but in her mind the money is a gift. That way she isn't upset when it's not given back.

Absolutely @waitingpatientlyforspring
I think the message is to only 'give' what you can afford to lose.