To book to go away when my DS has toddlers on Thursday

[worriedaboutmytoddler]

My mum usually has my son on a Thursday because she likes to take him to a toddler group at her local church. We’ve last minute talked about going down to stay near my partner’s dads due to having time off and an unexpected invoice being paid (it’s usually paid really late), and we haven’t seen them in months. They live in a really lovely part of England.

But I’m nervous of telling my mum we’re considering this in case she kicks off. It might be unfair to her? So before we book/I bother mentioning, I just wanted to ask whether I would be unreasonable to book? (Monday - Friday as found an absolute bargain and it would take hours to drive back in time for 10am toddlers on a Thursday!)

If I am we’ll hold off until the next time we have time off together. It is last minute too so maybe I should give her some notice. It’s been a rough few weeks with my son being poorly and we’ve all got cabin fever! Just wanted an unbiased opinion.

Thank you!

Yanbu at all

Book it and text her that you’re going away for a week

Also what I mean when I say give notice (we would tell her if we booked), is maybe look at doing it in the future and give her more notice.

Of course you're not. Just book it!

Definitely go on your break. Its one of the joys of preschool age, being able to get away without having to miss school.

Why would your Mum “kick off”
It it worries you so much it suggests there’s an issue here.
You should enjoy the lack of fixed routine before they start school

Of course it's absolutely fine for your son to miss his toddler group so you can go away.

Your mum would 'kick off' if your son had to miss just one toddler group session? And you're actually asking if you're the unreasonable one?!

If you are this scared of your mum's reaction to one tiny change of plan like this, what is your relationship with her usually like?

Have I got this right- you want to book a weeks holiday but haven’t because you think your mum will kick off about not being able to take your toddler to playgroup for an hour on thursday?

Unless there’s some massive backstory why is it an issue?

Your mum might be a bit disappointed but she WBVU to complain. Definitely have the holiday! Toddler group will still be there next week.

Do it. Go away when you want, with YOUR child. Tell your mum of the arrangement. She can take him the following week. Honestly, you need to stand up to your mum.

It’s really weird you even consider the possibility that YABU. Of course go on last minute break. There will be none of these when your toddler is in school.
If your mum ‘kicks off’ she’s a nutter! Will she allow your toddler go to school in a couple of years or will she kick off about that too?!

If your mum is anything less than thrilled for you , you need to redraw your boundaries! Have a fantastic time 😎😎🤞

Just go..

Why would your mum kick off? Toddler groups are free and most people miss one here and there, they're not a commitment of any sort. I'm really baffled that your mum would be angry.

Your mom gets to veto your vacation with your own small family because she requires you present your son to her every Thursday? Your partner can't go on unscheduled vacation to visit his own father (is this also your partner's child?) because your mother must have access to your child midweek every week? No. Just no. Is there a big backstory here?

@aloris

Your mom gets to veto your vacation with your own small family because she requires you present your son to her every Thursday? Your partner can't go on unscheduled vacation to visit his own father (is this also your partner's child?) because your mother must have access to your child midweek every week? No. Just no. Is there a big backstory here?

Absolutely this. You'll be setting yourself up for a lifetime of strife if you pander to your DM or put her wants and needs over your DH and DC. Has she form for getting her own way, I can't understand why you'd even think about cancelling just to accommodate your Dm, most mothers would wave you off and hope you'd have a great time.

No backstory except she is very over the top and demanding and I can imagine she will likely try to guilt me. Thanks for all the comments, I think we’ll book and go

I'm waiting for the backstory because if there isn't one, this is bonkers

This is bizarre.
I assume massive problems with your mum

So your schedule is dictated by a one hour toddler group that your mum takes your dc to? That's bonkers. Why would your mum care that much?

YANBU - Book and go, have a great time! If DM has an issue tell her to get a grip.

Just say, it’s a last minute booking so sorry you cannot give any more notice cancelling Thursday. If she cares for your wellbeing, she shouldn’t mind. Get her a gift for when you return from her grandchild.

What a strange thread! You don't need her approval or permission.

Book it ds can miss one session. It's essential ds gets to spend quality time with his dad's parents aswell as yours.

Eh….he’s YOUR child and you’re taking him to see his grandfather.
Basically absolutely NOTHING to do with your mum.
Yeah, she takes him to a toddler group once a week….but still nothing to do with her, if she “kicks off” then don’t take your son back to her house for a while.

You're considering not taking your DS on a lovely holiday to visit family because your mother might be upset about not being able to take him to a toddler germ-fest in a draughty church hall?