Angry at M&S and their 'girls are here to spread positivity' clothing

[TheBlueOwl]

Looking for some sweatshirts for my 10 year old daughter on the M&S website. It was hard to find anything without a nauseating ‘positive/kindness' message/slogan. Had a look at the boys stuff and it seems they don’t have the burden of spreading positivity to the world via their clothing? What is this all about? It feels wrong or AIBU? Surely we’ve moved on from girls having to be sweetness and light? Do I need to learn applique and start some counter messaging? Get Fucked? Too strong? Any ideas?

Here are my findings:

Girls Tops:
Positive state of mind
Life is full of surprises
Always positive energy
Spread kindness
Amazing things will always happen
Super Love
Let the Sunshine In
Happiness Rocks
Better Together

Boys Tops:
Dead Cool
Gamer at Work
Just Roll With It
Turtley Amazing
Powered by Dino Might
Strong Together
Gamer
Goal

Agree OP. It's the constant drip drip drip into girls' ears that they are responsible for managing everybody else's happiness. Boys are allowed to just 'be'.
I did find a nice sweatshirt for my dd in neon sheep iirc, that says 'do what you love'. Girls should be told that their own ambitions are a priority.

To be honest it’s the boys list I have much more of a problem with. I get your point about gendered slogans but the boys list seems much more damaging. I don’t really see the problem with telling a child it’s good to be positive or that amazing things can happen, or even to try to be kind (controversial on here I know). It’s the lack of those messages on the boys clothes, along with the emphasis on being ‘cool’ and ‘strong’ which I find worrying.

Those logos are so saccharine OP, how annoying. The boys clothing sounds just as ghastly. Can't stand garments with GAMER daubed across the front. Urgh, so naff. My son will never ever be bought a top like that, or those awful ones with playstation shapes down them.

There's nothing intrinsically wrong with 'amazing things can happen' but the whole 'be kind' thing has been appropriated to mean 'put other peoples wants ahead of your own, even when that's harmful to you'!
Men are rarely told to be kind. This shit starts in childhood!

Ada's like this too. Girls clothes - Minnie mouse and princesses, shoes in pale colours (lilac and pale pink or white trainers etc.) DD loved her tiger riding a moped t-shirt from Asda's boys' range last summer.

@ImAvingOops

There's nothing intrinsically wrong with 'amazing things can happen' but the whole 'be kind' thing has been appropriated to mean 'put other peoples wants ahead of your own, even when that's harmful to you'! Men are rarely told to be kind. This shit starts in childhood!

This reply absolutely nails why this shit is so damaging - it's social conditioning by stealth.

Be smiley, be positive, be upbeat, put others' feelings ahead of your own - and then you see posts every day on MN where's a woman's mental health is in tatters because she's expected to do everybody else's emotional labour.

Welp, people buy it 🤷 Personally I don't think the boy's selection sounds any more empowering.

Agree. And just about all their women's pyjamas are plastered with stupid slogans or naff characters too!

YANBU, it's fucking annoying. I also hate camo print for little boys, it's disgusting.

I bought a few things from

www.amightygirl.com/clothing
When my daughter was younger. She is definitely not unicorn fan.

Currently looking a shirts from thespark.company/?utm_source=Welcome&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=NEW%20Welcome%20Series%2C%20Email%20%231%20%28SxUtuQ%29&_kx=yLB1bfBIbiFgRDWhAdW0cWHLgxx5dJxse-0XHxKEifY%3D.H8iZ4b now she's a teen.

H and M was also very good.

My DD wears the boys M&S clothes - easy way round it.

@pinkprettyroses

I think you're making a big deal over nothing tbh.

So boys should be strong, mighty, relaxed and cool?

And girls are supposed to be positive, kind, happy?

These are the messages society is giving our children from birth and you can't see an issue with it?

YANBU. I was in an M&S yesterday and it wasn't just the odd garment. Everything was sugary sweet. I am fine with the fact the girls' stuff tends to have more flowers etc, but this was too much. And if I were a girl who didn't want everything glitter and sunbeams, I'm not sure what I'd buy. It didn't used to be this bad.

I find it really annoying that it's practically impossible to buy anything for boys aged 10-14 that doesn't have gaming or sports references on it. I do wish there was a wider range for both boys and girls.
I dislike all "slogan" clothing, but especially all this "be kind" nonsense.

@Carbiesdreamhouse

I would very much like to purchase your "get fucked" t shirt line for my 6yo DD. I feel on balance it would be a better message for her even with the profanity.

Hahaha here too! 🤣

Seriously though I would have no problem with the positivity messages if they were equally on clothes for both sexes. My DD has a “Be the change” T-shirt from M&S which she likes. Why the jeffing hell can’t boys have exactly the same slogan?

On another note I always hate camo type prints for boys, but right now it’s in especial fucking bad taste tbh. We should have got rid of kids’ clothes and fashions mimicking war clothing a long time ago. Who thinks it’s a style statement to wear camo when in some countries everyday people are having to fight for their lives. It should never have been a fashion thing in the West tbh.

M&S are one of those companies who have declared they hate women & girls.
Why would you shop there for anything & help a deeply misogynistic company stay in business?

This isn't M&S, but I'm not going to start another thread about Clintons.
I was looking for a 19th Birthday card for my niece.
The female cards (Mum, Aunt, Sister etc) are pretty much all pink, glittery, flowery etc.

My niece is a keen and good triathlete and runner. There were literally NO sport-related cards. Men get to celebrate golf, fishing, bike riding, football.

Yes, I could have got one of the bike ones from the 'mens' section but it would be nice to have one for a niece.

maybe dancing with unicorns is sport?

Buy the 'boys' stuff if you like it (if not, plenty of other shops) . I only buy what we like not from 'boys' or girls' aisles specifically. Started with DD1 who hated pink, she liked dinosaurs and tractors (still does), so she had tractors and dinosaurs.

Interesting to read everyone's thoughts. Thank you all for your replies. People make a good point about boys being stereotyped as well? However, it doesn't feel like they have to be message bearers? I guess their stereotyping takes a different form.

I'm curious as to how we got here with girl's clothing and messages? The whole pink/blue, princess/prince level as been around for a while but this messaging seems quite recent to me? Perhaps I hadn’t noticed before. I just find it mind boggling that as a company M&S and others thing it’s acceptable (despite there being a marked for it).

I take the point that I could buy boys clothes instead.

@TulipCat

I find it really annoying that it's practically impossible to buy anything for boys aged 10-14 that doesn't have gaming or sports references on it. I do wish there was a wider range for both boys and girls. I dislike all "slogan" clothing, but especially all this "be kind" nonsense.

Do you mean from M&S, because there are plenty of non-slogan clothes in the high street sports shops.

Just buy from the so called '' boys'' range instead?!
Who says they're for boys anyway?!
I love the sound of the turtley amazing one.

Social conditioning by stealth absolutely nails the problem AffIt
YANBU

See this is where gender neutral sections would be great _ never mind a girls section and a boys section, just have them all together so you can buy what you like, whether that's a boy who likes pink unicorns or a girl who likes turtles, mud, space or whatever and nobody feels like they're buying from the '' wrong'' section

Buy the "boys" clothing, far more fun and practical - darker colours hides the dirt better for a start.
As a side note: No person was ever less horrid because a t-shirt or hashtag said "be kind". People are nice (or not) regardless of fashionable slogans. Nasty gossip has always been there, it's just gone from local community to global online scale.

@Spellfish

Well, I won’t be shopping in M and S for clothes for my girls this season. Thanks for the heads up. I see no need to buy clothes that reinforce gender stereotypes.

It's not just M and S, it's virtually every single shop.