to wish women would stop calling women hysterical

[strawberryapricotpie]

It's a horrible, reductive and frequently inaccurate insult which has been used to keep women down for literally centuries and it's really depressing that this is still going on. There's been so much of it on these boards, especially over the past week. English is a rich language, surely we can express ourselves and even indulge in standard MN-mud-slinging at other posters without needing to use this word.

Oh, and before anyone accuses me of trying to police free speech/tell women what to say, I'm not. I'm expressing disappointment that society still finds it necessary to use this word whenever people, particularly women, dare to make statements that are considered troublesome in some way. I'm sure this post is going to attract the usual sneerers, but I don't particularly care.

Histrionics is another one

Some people can be hysterical. I work with someone who has meltdowns at work over nothing, it's embarrassing for her but she doesn't care. She's incredibly rude and just loses control. She nearly lost her job because of it.

@Mercurial123

Some people can be hysterical. I work with someone who has meltdowns at work over nothing, it's embarrassing for her but she doesn't care. She's incredibly rude and just loses control. She nearly lost her job because of it.

Funny how she's still in a job then. Surely she can't be that "hysterical", or having that many "meltdowns over nothing" and always "losing control" otherwise they would have got rid! And I'm not sure how as a colleague you'd be privy to information about her nearly losing her job, unless you're her manager in which case it sounds like you're not managing her appropriately.

I agree, it’s just another way of shutting down women, men rarely get criticised for the way they say something.

When you look at how much more violent men are than women it’s actually men who are more “emotional” and reactive and women who bare the brunt of it.

Agree to large extent OP. But some women noticeably let their emotions get the better of them in many situations.m, especially in public life. More so then men. I know that’s a generalization but tends to hold true if people recall their personal experiences. Women have the aptitude just as much as men to be rational, it seems to socially acceptable that women are expected to not behave in that way. That also needs to change.

@Member869894

Can we add 'feisty' too?. You never hear boys being described as 'feisty'

Should be a compliment

The origin of a word doesn't have much relevance to its modern use. For instance, it's very common to say that someone ballsed up, regardless of their gender, just as it's common to say that someone's being hysterical regardless of their gender.

Language evolves. If it didn't, we'd all be insisting that candidates should only wear white, because that's where the word comes from.

Funny how she's still in a job then. Surely she can't be that "hysterical", or having that many "meltdowns over nothing" and always "losing control" otherwise they would have got rid! And I'm not sure how as a colleague you'd be privy to information about her nearly losing her job, unless you're her manager in which case it sounds like you're not managing her appropriately.

Don't believe me I really don't care. People talk at work. She's on her final warning. I'm not in the UK. The company I work for is pretty tolerant. She's a lot better since the warning. Sorry to tell you some people are awful.

@WalkingOnTheCracks

The origin of a word doesn't have much relevance to its modern use. For instance, it's very common to say that someone ballsed up, regardless of their gender, just as it's common to say that someone's being hysterical regardless of their gender.

Language evolves. If it didn't, we'd all be insisting that candidates should only wear white, because that's where the word comes from.

Point taken, but by that logic, you'd expect 'hysterical' to have been replaced by some other word by now, in a similar way as we'd never call someone with mental health issues a 'lunatic' now. Or use any number of derogatory terms that used to be applied to people with SEN.

And to loop back to something a pp said, I don't think this is about being 'woke' at all. Society (by and large) has thankfully evolved away from certain mindsets and the words used to express them. I firmly believe the fact that it's still considered OK to call women hysterical is an example of everyday sexism, given how rarely you ever hear this word applied to men.

@ErrolTheDragon

'Calm down' has, I think, been tainted as misogynistic by Cameron's infamous 'Calm down dear' ... the 'dear' is what turned it from a benign phrase to a patronising one he'd never have applied to a man. And the other thing is, I've noted this type of phrase applied to women who are as calm as anyone else involved in a discussion. See also women being told they're angry or aggressive when they're merely being as assertive as a bloke might be without attracting any negative/controlling comment.

Ooh yes, I can't abide 'calm down'. Even without anything like 'dear' tagged on, it's patronising AF. I was once literally patted by a doctor and gently counselled to 'calm down' after a severe asthma attack had brought me to A&E. (I was an adult at the time, btw, and was calm despite being worried.) No way on earth do I think a man would have spoken to like that.

Totally agree re assertive v aggressive too.

@Mercurial123

Funny how she's still in a job then. Surely she can't be that "hysterical", or having that many "meltdowns over nothing" and always "losing control" otherwise they would have got rid! And I'm not sure how as a colleague you'd be privy to information about her nearly losing her job, unless you're her manager in which case it sounds like you're not managing her appropriately.

Don't believe me I really don't care. People talk at work. She's on her final warning. I'm not in the UK. The company I work for is pretty tolerant. She's a lot better since the warning. Sorry to tell you some people are awful.

I was criticising your use of hyperbolic language to excuse the use of hyperbolic language. Essentially you said, yes OP you are unreasonable to say we should stop calling women hysterical because I know a woman who is hysterical, loses control and has meltdowns over nothing. Which kind of proves OP's point, really.

@powershowerforanhour

"are there similar threads on male dominated forums like Pistonheads where men are worried about stockpiling beans and discussing being offended by other dads at the school gates etc etc?"

If such discussions occur, I bet the worrier is mocked as being a "pussy" or "fanny" or "squealing like a girl".

They get told to post it on Mumsnet, or flag posts like that as Mumsnet content.

@ErrolTheDragon

'Calm down' has, I think, been tainted as misogynistic by Cameron's infamous 'Calm down dear' ... the 'dear' is what turned it from a benign phrase to a patronising one he'd never have applied to a man. And the other thing is, I've noted this type of phrase applied to women who are as calm as anyone else involved in a discussion. See also women being told they're angry or aggressive when they're merely being as assertive as a bloke might be without attracting any negative/controlling comment.

Cameron was using a catchphrase from the Esure (?) adverts, for years they had Michael "Fuck Off I'm Eating" Winner saying "Calm down, dear" - it's no different really to Kier Starmer saying "Simples" which is probably now offensive because of the meerkat thing being Russian.

Cameron was using a catchphrase from the Esure (?) adverts, for years they had Michael "Fuck Off I'm Eating" Winner saying "Calm down, dear" - it's no different really to Kier Starmer saying "Simples" which is probably now offensive because of the meerkat thing being Russian.

So it was just dumb luck he decided to use it to a woman MP. Sure.

I was criticising your use of hyperbolic language to excuse the use of hyperbolic language. Essentially you said, yes OP you are unreasonable to say we should stop calling women hysterical because I know a woman who is hysterical, loses control and has meltdowns over nothing. Which kind of proves OP's point, really.

I said people not women can behave hysterically. In this case it was a woman. You may call it hyperbole I wouldn't.

People don't have meltdowns over nothing, lose control and act "hysterical" as you put it (what even is hysterical?), unless they are having a serious mental health crisis and a danger to themselves and potentially to others especially when it comes to losing control, and in any case it is never over "nothing". I don't understand what kind of workplace would allow this to continue on a regular basis, they have a duty of care. They should be sending this poor woman home on sick leave and getting occupational health involved, not keeping her in and having the whole workplace watch and gossip about it with management leaking stories about her being on her last warning. Clearly she is not fit for work nor is the workplace conducive to her mental health.

Or perhaps you are just prone to exaggeration @Mercurial123.

Either way, having meltdowns over nothing is simply not a thing and is hyperbolic at best and dismissive at worse. Which is it?

The thing is I can't think of another word because other words have different connotations.
So distressed/breaking down/ in shock, could describe a loud high pitched shrieking/ crying, but I would feel for the person, possibly having suffered a trauma.
Whereas hysterical, I would think of as a disproportionate reaction to something rather mundane. Eg, screaming crying and shrieking at someone or about something that generally doesn't cause this reaction. To be honest I do interpret hysterical as a put down but I can't find another word which has the same meaning.

Sometimes people, not just women, do act like hysterical ninny’s and need a metaphorical slap up the face.

Unfortunately 'hysteria' as a diagnosis for women is not a thing of the past. It just has a new name now.

The diagnostic criteria for hysteria many years ago is the same as BPD is now.

@Mercurial123

Funny how she's still in a job then. Surely she can't be that "hysterical", or having that many "meltdowns over nothing" and always "losing control" otherwise they would have got rid! And I'm not sure how as a colleague you'd be privy to information about her nearly losing her job, unless you're her manager in which case it sounds like you're not managing her appropriately.

Don't believe me I really don't care. People talk at work. She's on her final warning. I'm not in the UK. The company I work for is pretty tolerant. She's a lot better since the warning. Sorry to tell you some people are awful.

I have worked with women like the one you describe. They do exist and they are, for one reason or another, v difficult to fire, (and they know it). ‘Hysterical’ is the only truly appropriate adjective. I’ve known some hysterical men, too.

I loathe how the English language is being dumbed down by the professionally offended. ‘Hysterical’ is a word I will continue to use in the apposite context.

The thing is that the word describes the interpretation of the situation by the person who uses it. It doesn't necessarily mean that that is an objectively correct analysis of the situation, but language is all about our own interpretation. If someone uses the word hysterical, it's because that's how they view the situation. If they viewed it differently then they wouldn't be using that word.

If you used the phrase " understandably distressed" then your interpretation of the situation would be very different

DH becomes hysterical frequently, but he sees it as a problem with his temper. He became like it today over a bucket (don’t ask), which I tiptoed round as usual.

I am a coward and have been treading on eggshells for years.

Yes he has psychological issues, but may be I do too, to put up with and possibly enable? Human Relationships are rarely simple.

Hysterical, highly strung, batshit crazy, insecure - all these words/terms feature regularly on Mumsnet.

I do wonder if those women who resort to low-minded sexist insults, are on other threads bemoaning the sexism and misogyny of men/society without a shred of awareness re irony

@DeeCeeCherry

Hysterical, highly strung, batshit crazy, insecure - all these words/terms feature regularly on Mumsnet.

I do wonder if those women who resort to low-minded sexist insults, are on other threads bemoaning the sexism and misogyny of men/society without a shred of awareness re irony

What’s sexist about highly-srtung, batshit crazy and insecure?