to wish women would stop calling women hysterical

[strawberryapricotpie]

It's a horrible, reductive and frequently inaccurate insult which has been used to keep women down for literally centuries and it's really depressing that this is still going on. There's been so much of it on these boards, especially over the past week. English is a rich language, surely we can express ourselves and even indulge in standard MN-mud-slinging at other posters without needing to use this word.

Oh, and before anyone accuses me of trying to police free speech/tell women what to say, I'm not. I'm expressing disappointment that society still finds it necessary to use this word whenever people, particularly women, dare to make statements that are considered troublesome in some way. I'm sure this post is going to attract the usual sneerers, but I don't particularly care.

And ageist as it is generally older women wearing pearls

I don't recall every calling anyone hysterical, but I think YABU. If a person is being hysterical that is what they are being. Avoiding the word accomplishes nothing.

There are so many negative words used about women. As in this article

sacraparental.com/2016/05/14/everyday-misogyny-122-subtly-sexist-words-women/

Bossy.

Abrasive.

A ball-buster.

Shrill.

Bolshy.

Intense.

Stroppy.

Forward.

Mannish.

Gossipy.

Dramatic (as in Drama Queen).

Catty.

Bitchy.

Nag.

Cold.

Ice queen.

Shrew.

Humourless.

Man-hater.

Banshee.

Fishwife.

Lippy.

Ditzy.

-nazi, eg, Feminazi

Militant, eg, militant feminist.

-zilla, eg, Bridezilla

Diva.

Prima donna.

Blonde (how many men are said to have ‘blonde moments’?)

Feisty.

Supermum.

Working mother.

Career woman (have you heard of ‘career men’? Or as they’re usually known, ‘men’?)

Yummy mummy.

Little old lady (I like to imagine that woman driving an ambulance in the World War II, or doing a family’s laundry without electricity.)

WAHM (Work-at-home mum): As Katie Macintyre wrote, “When I work from home I’m a “working from home Mum”. When my husband works from home he “has his own business” with no mention of the fact that he’s a Dad.”

Tartar

Slut.

Trollop.

Frigid.

Easy.

Tease.

Loose.

Man-eater.

Cougar.

Asking for it.

Prude.

The town bike.

Mutton dressed as lamb.

Slutty.

Curvy.

Mumsy.

Cheap.

(That dress is) flattering.

Frumpy.

Let herself go.

Faded beauty.

Mousey.

Plus-size (have you ever heard of a plus-size model who was male?)

Clotheshorse.

Brunette.

Ladylike.

Bubbly.

Vivacious.

Flirty.

Sassy.

Chatty.

Demure.

Modest.

Emotional.

Hysterical.

Hormonal.

Menstrual or pre-menstrual.

Flaky.

Moody.

Over-sensitive

Clucky.

Maternal (when not about one’s own children).

Neurotic.

Irrational.

Baby brain (As someone said on the Fem Mamas page: ‘Ffs give exhaustion its real name’).

Baby weight

Mummy blogger.

Female engineer.

That’s good, for a girl.

Like a girl (run like a girl, throw like a girl).

Mumpreneur.

Spinster.

Barren.

She wears the pants.

Houseproud.

Soccer mom.

Mistress.

Kept woman.

Princess(as a default term of address to a girlyou don’t know well.)

Tomboy (because a girl who likes to climb is no less a girl.)

Girly (‘a girly girl’) (because boys can like pink and sparkles, and not all girls do.)

Little lady.

Jail-bait.

Heart-breaker (and any other words that sexualise little kids, suggesting they are into romance orsex when they’re only four years old.)

Pretty (I’m just suggesting that if you use this, it’s not the first thing you say, or the thing you say most often to a child.Another opinion here, though.)

And let’s put bossy in here again, too.

Bitchfest

Catfight

Mommy wars

When two men or groups of men are debating, we call it debating, or discussion. If they yell, we call it robust, or heated. Or Parliament.

YABVU

Can we add 'feisty' too?. You never hear boys being described as 'feisty'

Absolutely agree, OP, the easiest way to make a person irrelevant, call them hysterical.

Some people seem to genuinely believe that the reason there are so many negative words used exclusively about women is because women are inferior to men in various ways. Rather than due to historical misogyny.

Have you ever worked in retail? NHS? I have and I have experienced hysterical and just to add I have been that ridiculous hysterical person and on reflection I have thought WHY!

I agree OP and I'm surprised by the poll results.

This is all very “woke”

Maybe some people are just hysterical. Not just women but men, I could say “full tonto” it’s the same thing to me.

Then they wonder why their kids are anxious and upset.

I agree, the trouble is I think many people have no idea where that word comes from, or why it’s so derogatory. I hear it a lot but it’s applied to me just as often.

YANBU. I've never heard it used about a man, except once about a gay man. Origins matter - hysterical is used to undermine women's concerns by suggesting they are emotionally driven rather than rational.

I've been shocked to see it used a lot in mumsnet threads about women being afraid when traveling home at night.

@strawberryapricotpie

'Testerical', love it Just been exploring that page, it's great

For the half of the population liable to be hormonal all the time.

It is trye that word are often applied to women that aren't to men, but there are plenty of words that are applied to men that aren't applied to women. In some cases the meanings are similar in others not. Grafter, rotter, layabout, lech, wastrel, curmudgeon, etc. are much more likely to be applied to men than women, as well as many other words.

I do think in some cases these kind of words reflect stereotypes we have about the sexes - but that's not to say they are necessarily unreflective of reality. There is a reason there are a lot of words for a man who is sexually creepy, for example.

Some, like "career-woman" just reflect that women at one time were much less likely than men to have careers. That's factual. Even now there is something of a disparity in that area although it's not large. It's not disparaging unless that's the perspective you bring to the word.

@MangyInseam

I hear layabout used about men and women in equal measure. The other examplesGrafter, rotter, lech, wastrel, curmudgeonI never even hear people talk like that or use those words. Yet plenty of other words targeted at women are used really often. Hysterical is far far more commonly used than any of the examples you gave. Women are targeted much more than men with language.

This is interesting. There have been a lot of articles recently about how we need to stop calling women 'crazy'. It's been pointed out that men in particular, tend to use this word as a way to instantly discredit a woman. It's a form of gaslighting, and a way of telling a women that her feelings are wrong, and that she doesn't have a right to feel the way that she does.

It's a bit like in the 19th century when they use to diagnose 'difficult' women as having 'hysteria'....

'Back in the day, when people didn’t want to pay attention to a woman — or were generally disturbed by her behavior — she was taken to a doctor and diagnosed with Hysteria. Hysteria was a catchall diagnosis for women who were feeling nervous, irritable, too horny, not horny enough, “causing trouble,” or were suffering from a wide variety of other ailments thought to be caused by female biology. The word actually came from the Greek “hystera,” which literally means uterus. So, in short, the problem of having hysteria really meant the problem of being a woman.

“Hysteria” became popular in the mid 19th century, suspiciously around the same time that women’s rights began gaining momentum. The first national women’s rights convention took place in 1850. By 1859, physicians were claiming that a quarter of all women suffered from hysteria — as defined by a 75-page list of possible manifestations. Women demanding equality was a pesky problem, and hysteria was a brilliant answer. Hysteria asked, "Don’t those high-maintenance females see they’re too irrational to do things like own property, control finances, get a college degree, or cast a vote?" It framed female emotional instability as biological “fact.”'

I'm interested in this. I got called misogynist for using 'calm down' this week.

I think it is becoming difficult to ever discuss people over reacting emotionally because ever suggesting a woman is over reacting is perceived to be misogynistic. But some men and women do over react (including me).

So whilst I agree about the word hysterical, what words are OK to use about over reacting emotionally? Because it does happen so we need to be able to describe it.

I don’t EVER use it when talking to women but I love using it when a man is pissing me off! "Calm down, love, you’re being hysterical. I cant talk to you when you’re like this" Surprised some of them haven’t had a stroke on the spot! Call them "sweetheart" too and tell them it was just a joke and they have no sense of humour and their heads come off.

Im getting payback and I enjoy every bloody second of it.

@labyrinthlaziness

I'm interested in this. I got called misogynist for using 'calm down' this week.

I think it is becoming difficult to ever discuss people over reacting emotionally because ever suggesting a woman is over reacting is perceived to be misogynistic. But some men and women do over react (including me).

So whilst I agree about the word hysterical, what words are OK to use about over reacting emotionally? Because it does happen so we need to be able to describe it.

Well I don't think it's right to call people misogynistic over what is a rather benign phrase. I don't think it is gendered at all, neither is telling someone they are overreacting, both of those things are acceptable to say imo (unless it is used to dismiss someone for having a perfectly normal reaction).

Also, even though I think the word hysterical is misogynistic, that doesn't mean I think someone saying that is misogynistic. The world isn't black and white like that, where we have evil women-hating misogynists on one side and saintly women-loving feminists on the other. None of us are perfect and it's more like a spectrum. I think it really dilutes the meaning of what misogyny is when people are so quick to call people misogynistic over the smallest infractions. And sometimes I find more energy is used in lecturing other women for not being an absolute gold standard feminist, while men get off the hook with an obscene amount of misogyny and sexism right under our noses.

'Calm down' has, I think, been tainted as misogynistic by Cameron's infamous 'Calm down dear' ... the 'dear' is what turned it from a benign phrase to a patronising one he'd never have applied to a man.
And the other thing is, I've noted this type of phrase applied to women who are as calm as anyone else involved in a discussion. See also women being told they're angry or aggressive when they're merely being as assertive as a bloke might be without attracting any negative/controlling comment.

Pinkforgetmenot - you forgot Karen unless that's already been mentioned

@Speakuptomakeyourselfheard

Good for you! Totally agree with you, as I've never heard anyone refer to a man as getting 'hysterical'!

There's a reason it's aimed usually at women. It's from the same route as hysterectomy
It's from the Greek word hystera (uterus)

They thought problems in the womb caused hysteria.

Another reason not to use it IMO.

I’m not specifically worried about hysterical as about just how quickly posters label others (neighbours/partners/other parents in the situation) bitch, bastard, shit, cunt, hysterical. Often the OP has been quite measured.

On occasion it may be warranted, other times OTT and really bad labelling young children. That will often lead me to a discussion that there might be disability or SEN rather than just they have been naughty that occasion.

@MangyInseam

I don't recall every calling anyone hysterical, but I think YABU. If a person is being hysterical that is what they are being. Avoiding the word accomplishes nothing.

C'mon. Are you really saying absolutely no other word would do?

Besides which, perceptions of what constitutes that type of behaviour (by whatever name) are subjective. There are no universal truths that state that someone categorically 'is being' hysterical, overemotional, bad-tempered, or any of the other accusations that get hurled at others (usually women) in order to try to control them.

@lljkk

YABVU

Care to expand?