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Original poster

Not invited by former colleagues to meal

34 replies

000oooh · 27/02/2022 16:34

Worked at a place for 1.5 years, got on with my colleagues really well I thought. Some left around the same time I did and some are still there, but we were all on a big group chat together.

Some people left the group chat quite early on but I tried to keep in touch with everyone and organize things.

There were 1/2 things I couldn't go to which were organised, but I went to one thing last summer which was great.

However the group chat seemed to die, nobody ever wrote on it and next to nobody replied, so I deleted it in the end as it seemed a waste of time, however I still have their contact details and they have mine.

I have briefly spoken to one or two of them on social media in recent weeks.

Last night some photos appeared on my social media page of a group of 10 of them out for a meal. I admit I felt a bit hurt I wasn't invited. The ones I had recently spoken to didn't mention a thing, and surely it's not because I deleted a group chat that was no longer in use at all.

Just makes me feel a bit hurt that they never really liked me that much, or maybe they started their own new chat without me. This is a group of people between 30 and 60 years old, not some high school event.

Should I bother contacting any of them again or just move on?

OP posts:
UserThenLotsOfNumbers · 27/02/2022 16:35

No advice sadly but I feel your pain - I have been in this situation a few times myself. Thanks

MintyFreshBreath · 27/02/2022 16:36

It sucks but presumably they thought that you weren’t bothered so just went out together. Contact one of them if you’re that bothered, maybe you can go out with them another time??

Original poster
000oooh · 27/02/2022 16:36

I'm sorry to hear that. It's hard to work people out sometimes.
It was a group where I would write something and 9 people out of 10 didn't reply, or it could be months before anyone would say anything so I assumed people didn't use it anymore

OP posts:
Original poster
000oooh · 27/02/2022 16:37

Yes maybe I should contact them..but other people left the group chat much earlier than me who were ar the meal so I really don't get it

OP posts:
ChicCroissant · 27/02/2022 16:38

Do the group that met up all still work together?

Chestofdraws · 27/02/2022 16:38

Do they know you deleted it? Because likely it was on the group chat and that’s how it came about. They will have taken your silence as disinterest.

Toottooot · 27/02/2022 16:39

I really couldn’t get hung up over people I was colleagues with for a year and a half - get over it.

Girlonatubetrain2 · 27/02/2022 16:41

Tbh i have never understood why people leave group chats - even when they are quiet
So i yes yabu to have left a group without telling people why and then expecting them to think of you when probably chatting back on the same grp

Original poster
000oooh · 27/02/2022 16:42

No some left before I did, and we kept in touch for 2 years after the 1.5 years.
Yes maybe it's that, but the group was dead, nobody was using it, plus surely someone would have private messaged me to invite me or stay in contact?

OP posts:
sparepantsandtoothbrush · 27/02/2022 16:42

Do they still work together?

Original poster
000oooh · 27/02/2022 16:43

Yes i get that, it wasn't just that it was quiet though, it was almost a year with zero input. I deleted some old messages etc and that was one of them. But I guess it could have been taken the wrong way. As I said though others left very early on yet were still at the meal

OP posts:
Original poster
000oooh · 27/02/2022 16:43

Only some still work together

OP posts:
sparepantsandtoothbrush · 27/02/2022 16:44

Sorry cross posted.

Did you try and keep in touch with any of them? Maybe others were still in touch outside of the group chat

Haus1234 · 27/02/2022 16:45

Why leave the group? It’s not like it takes up any space on your phone or anything. Also it sounds like you left a while ago but some are still there seeing people every day?

It’s always horrible to feel left out so I am sorry about that but it doesn’t sound like these people are that close friends.

Original poster
000oooh · 27/02/2022 16:45

Yes I posted frequently on the group chat but either nobody would reply or one person would out of 10. So that's why I figured people weren't using it anymore.
I think they just had other group chats going on

OP posts:
Tanfastic · 27/02/2022 16:46

Have you got new colleagues? Just move on op, I rarely keep in touch other than pleasantries on social media with ex colleagues. Even those I got on really well with. I just move on.

I reckon they thought you weren't arsed as you'd left the group...

Original poster
000oooh · 27/02/2022 16:47

No I guess you're right they weren't hugely close friends. I shouldn't have deleted the chat but I feel silly asking to be added on now, especially as they don't even use it. They were probably just being polite by initially inviting me and weren't that interested in me. I don't see how any of them would be mad that I stopped using a defunct group chat

OP posts:
Original poster
000oooh · 27/02/2022 16:48

I've recently started somewhere so hopefully I'll get to know people in time yes

Yeah maybe, ah well I'll just have to forget them now ..

OP posts:
Original poster
000oooh · 27/02/2022 16:48

I just thought they would assume that since the chat was no longer active that's why I was leaving it

OP posts:
Dora33 · 27/02/2022 16:55

1.5 years in a job is quite a short time so you did well keeping in touch with them for 2 years after. Sounds like people who have become friends rather than acquaintances have kept in touch separately to the unused chat group.

Original poster
000oooh · 27/02/2022 16:58

Yes it's probably that I guess, they were no longer using the chat for a reason

OP posts:
capricorn12 · 27/02/2022 17:06

I would just message whoever you were closest to and say something like "great photos from last night, let me know next time as Id love to catch up with you all." That's clear without sounding like you're miffed at them for not inviting you.

Mary46 · 27/02/2022 17:07

Yes I think just move on. Op I was 17 months in a role. But felt she moved on. I suggested lunch. It fizzles once you leave. That was my experience.

AnwenDolly · 27/02/2022 17:11

I think a lot of work places don't include former colleagues in social dos, especially after two years. Do you socialise with any of them outside the work group? If not I think you should accept you are no longer a member of this particular social 'club'. I don't think you should see it as a personal slight, just a sign that they consider you to have moved on.

Gilly12345 · 27/02/2022 17:15

When people leave jobs you are not in the loop there anymore and need to move on with your own social circle and social life.

I wouldn’t take it personal, surely you have your own friends to socialise with?

If not then find some.

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