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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mum binning me off for brothers child

44 replies

Tanhey · 26/02/2022 23:40

I had plans to go out with my mum for food and drinks (alcohol) this weekend, however she told me last minute that she would be bringing DN who is 2yo as my brother was on a lads day and sil wanted “a break” at home! I decided to cancel due to change in dynamic as had now turned into babysitting DN and not a boozy afternoon as planned, mother annoyed with me am I BU? Should I have just gone out and babysat DN so DB and Sil could enjoy their weekend?

OP posts:
GraffitiNob · 26/02/2022 23:43

That would piss me off.

poppupppirate · 26/02/2022 23:45

Yanbu

I'd be pissed off about that

TimeForTeaAndG · 26/02/2022 23:46

Yanbu. Fine if she wants to babysit DN but not to impose that on a grown up food and drink arrangement.

Aderyn21 · 26/02/2022 23:50

She had pre existing plans and should have told brother and sil to mind their own child. It wasn't an emergency or anything really important that they needed her help for. Your mum was rude and ya definitely nbu!
Good on you for not just sucking it up. I'd be very clear with my mum that this was unacceptable on her part.

nanbread · 26/02/2022 23:56

My answer depends on 1. How much time you already have of your mum's and 2. How much of a dick your brother is.

If you monopolise her time and your brother is always away for weekends and SIL desperate for a break then that's different to if you rarely see her and SIL doesn't really need a break.

Sometimeswinning · 26/02/2022 23:59

If my mum rang to say we need to reschedule as she had any of my dn's I'd be OK with that. She sounds brilliant if I'm honest!

Viviennemary · 27/02/2022 00:01

I'd be annoyed too. You did the right thing to cancel.

Original poster
Tanhey · 27/02/2022 08:49

@Sometimeswinning

If my mum rang to say we need to reschedule as she had any of my dn's I'd be OK with that. She sounds brilliant if I'm honest!
Yes she is brilliant, that’s why I wanted to take her out. Problem is that she has DN all day every Saturday and Sunday and works full time in the week. Any time we spend together is always with my children and DB children - she never gets a break.
OP posts:
toomuchlaundry · 27/02/2022 08:52

@Tanhey how come she has DN every weekend?

Original poster
Tanhey · 27/02/2022 09:17

DB works most weekends and SIL finds DN too difficult on her own, which causes arguments between her and DB.

OP posts:
toomuchlaundry · 27/02/2022 09:37

But SIL expects her MIL to cope with DN?

billy1966 · 27/02/2022 09:37

You did the right thing.

Your mother is being used.

You can't fix that.

Only SHE can.

Tell her you would love to go out when she is not babysitting.

She is being made a mug of by your brother and his partner, but you cannot fix that.

She has no right to be cross with you, when SHE changes the arrangements previously made.

Flowers
Ilikewinter · 27/02/2022 09:39

Yeah id have cancelled to. I hadnt seen my DM since xmas and we arranged an lunch catch up, in the morning DM asked if my 6 year old niece could come and I said no, it completly changes the dymanic of the day

KindlyKanga · 27/02/2022 09:48

Sounds like DSIL is having a hard time and your brother is a dick. Your mum is in a hard place as obviously cares about DN and maybe she feels bad her son is such a waste of space.

Could you book some time off in the week and go somewhere nice?

ISmellBurnings · 27/02/2022 09:50

If your DM has her DN all day every weekend, what on earth does SIL need a break from?

Poor kid.

ISmellBurnings · 27/02/2022 09:50

*Your DN, I mean.

HumunaHey · 27/02/2022 09:52

Yanbu but your title is misleading. She didn't bin you off at all. That would have been way worse.

planmywedding · 27/02/2022 09:54

YANBU

Your SIL should look after her own child at least during the weekends so your mum gets a break. Can't believe the cheekiness

zingally · 27/02/2022 09:57

YANBU. I'd have cancelled as well.

Your mum is being taken for a right old ride by DB and DSIL. Why can't DSIL care for her own child at the weekends? She can't cope on her own, but expects MIL to manage? Where is DB? Lads weekend EVERY weekend?

Seems like DB needs fewer "lads days" and more "caring for his ill wife and toddler."

In terms of you though OP, not your circus, not your monkeys.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 27/02/2022 10:00

Sounds like DSIL is having a hard time and your brother is a dick. Your mum is in a hard place as obviously cares about DN and maybe she feels bad her son is such a waste of space

I honestly don't know how you've come to this conclusion with the info the OP has given.

Faevern · 27/02/2022 10:01

You did the right thing. Your DB day out does not trump yours, if his DW can’t cope he either cancels or she finds other help.

MRS54321 · 27/02/2022 10:02

Just a wee thought : yes you should stand up to your mum when you want some quality time with her and she’s changing plans
But a lot of grans live in fear of difficulty daughters in law , making access the DGC hard, if they wish.
Ask on Gransnet I’ll bet there’s a million threads.
She maybe taking DGC to keep the peace between SiL and DB
If you can, I’d talk to them, not her.

newbiename · 27/02/2022 10:05

@zingally

YANBU. I'd have cancelled as well.

Your mum is being taken for a right old ride by DB and DSIL. Why can't DSIL care for her own child at the weekends? She can't cope on her own, but expects MIL to manage? Where is DB? Lads weekend EVERY weekend?

Seems like DB needs fewer "lads days" and more "caring for his ill wife and toddler."

In terms of you though OP, not your circus, not your monkeys.

DB works most weekends. Absolutely pathetic of SIL not to look after her own child.
Original poster
Tanhey · 27/02/2022 10:16

DB works most weekends but does occasionally have time out with friends, SIL is definitely not ill - and happily spends DBs money on regular hair and nail appointments and meals out. DB has a good job and pays for full time nursery in the week.

I do my share to help my mum with the kids,
But many of you are right, it’s not my problem - my mum makes her own decisions and needs to stand up for herself better

OP posts:
GeorgiaGirl52 · 27/02/2022 10:32

If a boozy afternoon is what is important, just go out drinking by yourself.