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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mum binning me off for brothers child

44 replies

Tanhey · 26/02/2022 23:40

I had plans to go out with my mum for food and drinks (alcohol) this weekend, however she told me last minute that she would be bringing DN who is 2yo as my brother was on a lads day and sil wanted “a break” at home! I decided to cancel due to change in dynamic as had now turned into babysitting DN and not a boozy afternoon as planned, mother annoyed with me am I BU? Should I have just gone out and babysat DN so DB and Sil could enjoy their weekend?

OP posts:
ISmellBurnings · 27/02/2022 11:12

So your DN attends full time nursery then spends all weekend with your DM? Do her parents have any time with her? That’s so sad.

Nothing against nursery, mine went.

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 27/02/2022 11:16

@KindlyKanga

Sounds like DSIL is having a hard time and your brother is a dick. Your mum is in a hard place as obviously cares about DN and maybe she feels bad her son is such a waste of space.

Could you book some time off in the week and go somewhere nice?

How is her brother a dick? He works most weekends according to the OP. It's the SIL who's at fault here...well her and the OPs mum for being such a pushover
axolotlfloof · 27/02/2022 11:35

Poor DN.
I think you should take Mum and DN out and have a fun, non drinking day.
Your Mum can't be blamed for caring about her grandchild.

MyCatEatsPrawnCrackers · 27/02/2022 11:37

@GeorgiaGirl52

If a boozy afternoon is what is important, just go out drinking by yourself.
How rude and goady.
Gizacluethen · 27/02/2022 11:43

Jesus poor DN!
Dad works all week and weekend, on the rare weekend he's off he goes out with his mates.
Mum doesn't work but still puts them in nursery all week then dumps them on Nana all weekend because she can't be arsed to parent the kid she made.

Yeah it's shit your day got ruined but it's not your mums fault. Your brother should be spending the rare time he gets off with his kid and SIL needs to grow up and look after her own kid.

WonderfulYou · 27/02/2022 12:08

YABU you can still go and have fun but without alcohol. She’s hardly binning you.

WildfirePonie · 27/02/2022 12:08

Is DB the golden favourite child?

Associatepeggy · 27/02/2022 12:18

My mum used to do this. And dad, because mum told him he had to.

Because dbro and sil would threaten them with not seeing the kids if they didn't. Both me and dad pointed out to mum that they wouldn't follow through because she did so much for them.

It did mean any time with my mum was very limited. Dad would look after them because he knew how much the threat of not seeing the kids upset mum.

Well currently the situation is that mum died. Dad says no to them if he has existing plans. They threaten him, he shrugs his shoulders and then they phone and apologise.

Its shit. But I wasn't going to out further pressure on mum. But now she has gone i feel I missed out on alot with her. But it just is what it is.

I would have done the same op and told mum it was fine. I don't know if it's the right thing or not.

RightOnTheEdge · 27/02/2022 12:37

You shouldn't have mentioned alcohol you will get some ridiculous replies from some posters trying to make out you're just desperate for a drink Hmm

YANBU. I don't blame you for feeling like that. It does change the whole thing having a 2yr old going with you.
There is nothing wrong with wanting to spend some time with just you and your mum or feeling like your getting side lined for your brother and sister in law.

It doesn't sound like OP's mum is worried about been banned from seeing her grandchild. Surely the daughter in law is not going to do that when she needs her so much. She would have to look after her own child then!

Aderyn21 · 27/02/2022 13:19

OP doesn't want to spend the weekend helping her mum to look after dn because mum is too wet to say no and the parents are too bone idle to look after their own child!
She wants to do what was planned and there's nothing wrong with wanting a few drinks out with your mum.
I don't feel sorry for the mum - this is a situation of her own making. If one of my kids was taking this attitude to raising their own child, words would be had. I'd certainly not be indulging it by taking their child every weekend

nanbread · 27/02/2022 14:10

Does SIL work?

Does DN have additional needs?

Original poster
Tanhey · 27/02/2022 14:35

DN Is great I love him, I see him every weekend as we take the kids out all over the place.

Regards having an occasional alcoholic drink, I understand there are people who may judge for their own reasons, but I won’t feel guilted by that, I’m an adult it’s allowed.

And No he has no special needs, just the usual 2yo behaviour - wants to run about and burn his energy off etc.

OP posts:
Aderyn21 · 27/02/2022 14:56

Even if sil did work, she's still a parent. It's totally unreasonable of both parents to offload their child into the grandparents every weekend.

Butchyrestingface · 27/02/2022 15:05

Dad works all week and weekend, on the rare weekend he's off he goes out with his mates.
Mum doesn't work but still puts them in nursery all week then dumps them on Nana all weekend because she can't be arsed to parent the kid she made.

This, really. I can see why your mum feels she has to step up and compensate for the fact your nephew's parents seem allergic to their own child.

MissMaple82 · 27/02/2022 18:41

That would majorly piss me off

MissMaple82 · 27/02/2022 18:42

@GeorgiaGirl52

If a boozy afternoon is what is important, just go out drinking by yourself.
Really?? Think your missing the point here!
LuckySantangelo35 · 27/02/2022 18:46

@GeorgiaGirl52

If a boozy afternoon is what is important, just go out drinking by yourself.
@GeorgiaGirl52 boozy lunches are very important actually not to mention enjoyable… you should get a life and try one! Don’t tell me you are one of those martyr types whose entire world revolves kids. Unclench and let your hair down 😊🥂💃
Brefugee · 27/02/2022 18:49

I was with you until "happily spends DBs money"

you sound like, what's the MN expression? hard work.

Yes, you shouldn't have to be babysitting, but it is up to your mum to a)tell SIL to fuck off and if she can't, to give you much more warning

LuckySantangelo35 · 27/02/2022 18:49

@WonderfulYou

YABU you can still go and have fun but without alcohol. She’s hardly binning you.
@WonderfulYou Yeah but it’s not the same kind of fun is it? And the point is, it’s not the kind of fun that Op had signed up for. Why should she forfeit that? Can you really not see the difference between going for a lovely few drinks with your mum in lovely places versus going out with your mum and nephew- might not be able to drink cocktails or whatever you had hoped, would have to go to a friendly type place which lets face it no one in their right mind would choose otherwise
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