Rude mother in law

[Oreolover]

Hi all I guess I want to vent because I have had enough and I'm now sat on the sofa in a silent rage eating grated cheese.
So a long story short I had an argument with my partner because his sisters accommodation let her down before her visit to London and she needed somewhere to stay and I said she couldn't stay with us.
Now firstly I would have normally said yes but we live in a small home and i am unwell. The only place we have to offer her would be a small sofa and I feel bad and we are an hour away from where she needed to be. He asked his mum who lives in a large house with just her husband that has 3 annex also on her property. She said yes. However 15 minuets before his sister arrived (half sister different mum) called and said no she didn't make the beds and was to tired to make them so she cant stay.
So I said I would pay for her to stay in a hotel near us as i felt guilty and also sick.
He then phoned his grandmother who is lonely and said yes she can stay with me. It was all sorted.
He then went to drop her off and stayed in his nans 2nd spare room to drop her to the train station in the morning.
Morning time came and he is furious as I was up all night sick and asked him please don't bring her back here as I'm a mess and dd had a late night.
He went on a rant at me I got upset and said ok I will close myself in the bedroom and you can both spend the day here if she isn't going to London anymore.
He said no and went on a mad rant saying my family wouldn't welcome to visit anymore and I'm disgusting for doing this. My family have always been kind to him so it was so uncalled for.
He came and picked up dd along side his sister and mum to go for a walk.
Later hos mum messaged me saying she was concerned and to call me. Dd told me she heard nanny talking about me on the walk and was cross with nanny. I have had countless problems with his family they are so so difficult and mean.
So I phoned her. She started to tell me how I looked a mess when answering the door. And I'm weak for crying. And weak for being ill and catching bugs that return home from the nursery. She said I need to speak to someone and seek help about crying as I ahould be like her as she never cries. She has constabtly put me down then always tried to sugar coat it. She patronises me and has a really big ego. She has a very well paid job and always being headhunted. But her past is not the best so I dont know why she always belittles me. Anyway I'm just so annoyed about it as she pops up every now and then but always has to try to massively put me down and convince me I'm basically a weak useless person. Grinds my gears and makes me eat grated cheese and watch awful TV 😂 anyone else have a mean mother in law

They sound awful OP. I hope you feel better soon. My MIL was regularly nasty to me and said horrible things about my children, I blocked her number about 8 months ago and haven't seen her since.

They all sound horrible, including your dh.

Thank you for replying It can be really lonely for me as I moved far away from where I grew up and called home just for my partners comfort really and left all my friends and old job and now I regularly get told to get a life as I haven't really made many friends around here and it's doesn't bother me to much as some of my family visit me and I've started a new job recently but even today my mother inlaw told me to get a life. I'm not fragile but I mean what's the point in being mean to someone else. I just don't understand I've always felt she has used me as a way to make herself feel better about being so loud and in everyone's face x

@Chickychoccyegg

They all sound horrible, including your dh.

Well he is another topic and issue that I can't even bring myself to get into at the moment but you arent wrong x

Sweetheart, block her number. I have no idea why she has your number, I wouldn’t have dreamed of giving my mil my number, it just wouldn’t occur. Tell your dh you won’t tolerate her shit any longer. What gives her the right to be such a bitch to you?

They all sound horrible, including your DH.

Block her for a start. Do you want to stay with him??

That sounds like quite an abusive household tbh - not even letting you be Ill. When it's his mum who cba to make the beds! So uncalled for.

Tbh tell her to fuck off and block her number. Your DP can't speak to you like that. I'd be very clearly stating that to him. I'd then be thinking about if I really wanted to stay in the relationship.

I can sympathise with you. My MiL waits until no one else is around and then turns into a venomous snake with a lashing vipers tongue. The moment anyone comes back in the room she is as sweet as toffee. Hate her!

I know LTB is always thrown around on here but you sound like you'd be better off without any of them. They obviously don't hold back in front of your child and it must upset them as they came to you about it. Like a pp said they all sound horrible.

Omg! This could be me! It was the story of my life till DH stopped being their puppy. That took a lot of toll on our marriage and my health (and sanity). Now I’ve blocked MIL and SIL2. Dh also blocked MIL as he can NOW see the mess she created in our marriage, after 15 years of pain.

My head feels a lot lighter after cutting contacts with mil and sil2. They were textbook narcissists. Important job, big ego, putting others down - all these are narcissistic symptoms. Pls read up more and I’d strongly advise you to stay away from his family for your own peace.

1. MIL is way out of line.
2. I know you are feeling weak right now, but don't you dare blame yourself. You are under the weather and it is perfectly normal to feel defenseless when you are sick. She is kicking you when you are down. When you are better, you will be able to repel this nastiness.

They don’t sound very kind people for you to be around

@Oreolover
Tbh, you sound hard work and as though you're constantly unwell and incapable when it comes to your ohs family, yet expect the red carpet out for your family, so I'm trying it surprised that oh has reacted in this manner.
I'd also assume that this is yet another in a chain of events where mil has to watch this situation unfold and she wants you to pull yourself together and get a grip. You're a parent and a partner and don't have the luxury of this frequent maudlin and illness.

I've read and reread your OP and it makes no sense to me. What does your mother in law have to do with grated cheese?

Your partner sounds nasty
His mother also sounds nasty

Can you leave?

[quote ChoiceMummy]@Oreolover
Tbh, you sound hard work and as though you're constantly unwell and incapable when it comes to your ohs family, yet expect the red carpet out for your family, so I'm trying it surprised that oh has reacted in this manner.
I'd also assume that this is yet another in a chain of events where mil has to watch this situation unfold and she wants you to pull yourself together and get a grip. You're a parent and a partner and don't have the luxury of this frequent maudlin and illness.[/quote]
I'm here too I'm afraid, the post reads like you're being really difficult and awkward and pulling out all the stops to make it seem like you're not.

They sound so awful, especially your husband.

Could you go and stay with your family?

How many children and what ages are they?

[quote ChoiceMummy]@Oreolover
Tbh, you sound hard work and as though you're constantly unwell and incapable when it comes to your ohs family, yet expect the red carpet out for your family, so I'm trying it surprised that oh has reacted in this manner.
I'd also assume that this is yet another in a chain of events where mil has to watch this situation unfold and she wants you to pull yourself together and get a grip. You're a parent and a partner and don't have the luxury of this frequent maudlin and illness.[/quote]
Let me just reply to this as I dont know how you can say some of things but I guess its just assuming. I actually do get sick often and I don't need to explain why but I carry on like normal. Go to work. Clean the house. Cook the dinners. Do all the normal stuff you would do. This time I was more unwell. I do not roll out red carpet for my family. Even if I did my mum deserves that. I dont see them often due to distance and mums health. And actually my partner goes to her to borrow money and her to talk about problems and to vent. Mother in law has told me since the day she met me she thinks I'm to mild and weak to be classed as part of her family. She thinks I'm not a strong woman because I haven't stepped on every person to gey to the top. She hasn't had to witness anything other then me opening the door. She is nasty and bullied her daughter to the point of her daughter becoming sick and drinking and other things to try block it out.
Being sick is not a luxury and also like I have its doesn't normally stop me. You sound abit like her in a way.

This isn't a MIL problem this a DP problem. Why the hell are you putting up with it for?

@Oreolover
You have decisions to make. It will NOT get better. I am so sorry that you are constantly ill. I worked in Daycare. I know how these bugs are brought home daily.
Especially if you have a low immune system which I do.
Me personally? I would go NO contact with her. I would be assertive with my husband and inform him that you will NOT be around his mother. You will NOT speak to her and she will NOT be coming into your home.
Let him rant and rave about it, but you must be assertive and NOT back down for any reason. END of.
Dealing with your husband is another issue if he doesn't respect your wishes. I'm sorry you are having to go through this OP...

@Oreolover
Even that last response to me, just exemplifies what I previously said.
Your family are on a pedestal. His family are not welcome and you reiterate how babdkt you feel mil has behaved towards you.
If MIL's conduct has been so awful since day 1,wtf did you continue? And surely once you decided to continue regardless of the mil, you'd decided its water off a duck's back.
You've stated you're often ill. That must be sooo draining and impacting on the family. Forget you for a moment as everything appears to be about you.
Your family aren't allowed to stay because you're ill. Your children are impacted. Your partner is impacted. Where's the consideration and concern for how this impacts them?

I'm a lone parent and have health conditions. And in the entire life of my child have only once not cared for my child when ill of having a flare up, outside of serious hospital stays. It is possible. It is whether you rate their needs above yours.
And being in bed because you've yet again caught another bug from nursery (your post) is taking the piss.

You are weak and mild apparently? Next time tell her to fuck off and see how weak and mild she finds that.

• He asked his mum who lives in a large house with just her husband that has 3 annex also on her property. She said yes. However 15 minuets before his sister arrived (half sister different mum) called and said no she didn't make the beds and was to tired to make them so she cant stay. So I said I would pay for her to stay in a hotel near us as i felt guilty and also sick.*

Well being 'too tired' to make up a bed sounds pathetic to me.

You MIL created this problem by basically changing her mind last minute then your DH expects you to solve the problem?

How weak and inadequate! Why should you be the one having to step in and solve his family problems?

Do they normally look to you to sort out their dilemmas in life? They need to take responsibility for their own lives and this is what I'd tell them.

You're happy to help when convenient, but when you're ill you have to put yourself first. And that's what you have done. If your DH was a decent person he would be putting you first when ill too.

ChoiceMummy, good for you and your ability to power through -you do realise everyone is an individual though ? You're coming across like a bully in your posts.
Addressing the actual OP dilemma, sounds like the end of the road as regards your relationship with your DP. Get yourself quietly organised to move back home, once you've done that, tell your 'D' P that you're going for a visit ( obviously with your DD) and just don't return. Big mistake to move somewhere where you've no support outside of him and his abusive family.

Your MIL is a c**t and your DH has to back you up before anyone else. Long discussion needed with him to get things straight. If your MIL doesn't like her son putting you first, tell her, 'I'm putting my foot down because I'm not weak as you say, he puts me first and that's that.'