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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To just sell the house

57 replies

wanderlove · 26/02/2022 15:12

We have just bought a 3 bed cottage. I think I hate it. As we’ve moved in it’s become apparent that it’s in a much worse state than we thought. We knew it was a doer upper but the stairs need replacing and there’s obviously been flooding and all the wooden floors are warped. I just feel a terrible knot in my tummy in the house and that it has a bad energy. It doesn’t feel like a happy home. I hate that the bedrooms are on separate floors so that we are separated from the kids. It has a lovely big garden and I feel better in there but otherwise I just feel like we have made a massive mistake. Should we continue our plans to do up or would AIBU to just sell on as is?

OP posts:
Justkeeppedaling · 26/02/2022 15:14

What attracted you to it in the first place? And how long ago did you move in?
I think I'd concentrate on doing it up, then sell it if you still hate it.

StripeyDeckchair · 26/02/2022 15:18

It's the shock of moving.
Every doer upper is worse than the buyer thought when they saw it/bought it. There's always hidden problems.

Think about the potential, enjoying your lively new garden, the fact that the house will become exactly what you want in time.

heyitsthistle · 26/02/2022 15:19

Get going with the renovations and you'll feel better before too long.

TigerLilyTail · 26/02/2022 15:21

Can you give it a year?

I think it often takes time to settle into a new place.

If after a year you still hate it, then sell up.

TopCatsTopHat · 26/02/2022 15:22

You could try to sell it but not take an offer unless you recouped all your costs. But honestly that's hardly the easy road either. The stress of seeing a sale through and finding an alternative... All that time and effort.
You might as well invest a year in doing it up, assess, then maybe spend another year then sell. Hopefully at that point you'll either know selling is best but will make a better sale as it will be in better shape and you can say it was the plan all along. Or you'll have grown to like it and stay.
Replacing the stairs isn't too bad a job usually, though I say that as someone who is currently doing a total renovation so my perspective might not be everyone's.

Original poster
wanderlove · 26/02/2022 15:24

Thanks all. I know the sensible thing is to wait say a year….but it’s the amount of money we will have to pay to get stuff sorted that is killing me. I feel lovely in thr garden but as soon as I get in thr house I feel a massive oppressive mood take over me. I guess I just want to be happy and don’t know if I can take a year or two of living feeling such gloom

OP posts:
Original poster
wanderlove · 26/02/2022 15:25

I also can’t live here without doing the renovation so it’s a bit of a catch 22

OP posts:
dreamingofsun · 26/02/2022 15:28

if you love the garden now, think how lovely it will be in the spring and summer. As the weather improves you will hopefully be able to spend loads of time outside, when not doing DIY. Maybe that will improve you mood when you dont have to look at jobs all the time

Useranon1 · 26/02/2022 15:31

But the money you spend will add to the value surely?

Did these things not get flagged in the survey?

Kissmycousinkate · 26/02/2022 15:34

You can't sell for 6 months anyway so may as well start on the renovation and see how you feel once you've started to put your stamp on it

Whinge · 26/02/2022 15:34

I'd stay and do the work. I think you'd regret leaving and always wonder what it could have been like if you'd stayed. How long have you lived there, and what made you fall in love with the house?

Also this part of your post stood out to me. I hate that the bedrooms are on separate floors so that we are separated from the kids Surely you knew this before buying?

nearlyspringyay · 26/02/2022 15:36

Did you have a survey?

Loopytiles · 26/02/2022 15:37

Would compare how much the work will cost to do with the costs of selling and moving. And other options that’d be within budget.

As for ‘I can’t live there unless we do the work’, that’s self indulgence. If the work is out of budget you can still live there and negatively won’t help you find solutions

Original poster
wanderlove · 26/02/2022 15:57

To answer all the questions; we’ve been here a week, we had the top level survey..it didn’t pick up the stairs or floor it picked up lots of other things but the vendors solicitors refused to budge on anything except some heating related issues. We were already in temporary accommodation because houses were so hard to come by…we had put in multiple bids and not been successful. We did know the layout of the house but didn’t think it would bother us about thr kids being separate; We had it in our old house but it didn’t feel the same as it does here. Seems like the consensus is to stay put and do it up and see how we feel after that. I do agree with that rationally but I just feel so awful and despairing I just want it to stop. The garden is beautiful and I feel happy in it. Also the neighbours seem lovely. I also know due to just selling and buying a house that it isn’t an easy process and takes a long time so it isnt necessarily the ‘easy’ option. I guess I feel down and a bit trapped. We saved for ages for this move and it feels so disappointing to feel like this

OP posts:
MzHz · 26/02/2022 16:23

How old are the kids? The being on different floors won’t be a problem as they get older

My ds is on a different floor at the other end of the house, if he were little it might have been a bit of bother, but he was early teens when we moved here, he loves his space as we love ours

HereComesTheSum · 26/02/2022 16:25

@Kissmycousinkate

You can't sell for 6 months anyway so may as well start on the renovation and see how you feel once you've started to put your stamp on it
Yes you can what gave you that idea?
Original poster
wanderlove · 26/02/2022 16:29

@MzHz They are 2, 6 and 8. We bought the house with plans to extend. If we did this then the current kitchen would become a fourth bedroom with thr youngest next to us and the eldest two upstairs. We figured it wouldn’t be a problem then.

OP posts:
TopCatsTopHat · 26/02/2022 16:30

Awww, I feel for you op. It's a shock.
But you're in this situation for his reasons, you've bagged a house with lots of potential and when it's done yo it'll be lovely and you'll have added lots of value which will be a leg up the housing ladder.
Spring is on the way and that garden will really come into its own when play dates happen and the kids can play out while you diy. Lovely neighbours are like gold (mines rubbish so I envy that) so you'll feel welcome and safe in your street.
Deep breaths, so much nicer to be twirling from room to room cooing at how lovely the new house is, and you don't have that, but it disappointing start aside, you're in a great position and you'll look back on this and it will pale into insignificance.

TopCatsTopHat · 26/02/2022 16:30

Good reasons, not his reasons

Mummy1608 · 26/02/2022 16:34

Oh OP I was in your position, my dh and I upsized to a bigger house from a two bed flat. We knew we had work to do but once we moved in it was overwhelming. I cried. A lot. There was damp carpets in the bathrooms and they smelled of stale wee. One time we went to the pub and then I came back at midnight, tipsy, and started ripping up carpet with my bare hands while sobbing. My DH and FIL were there and they were like we promise, it'll be the first thing we do in the morning, let's go to bed now!

Fast forward a year and it became my house of dreams and I will never, ever move out. You should see our shiny wood floors.If we have more kids we'll just have to get a loft conversion!

Original poster
wanderlove · 26/02/2022 16:39

@Mummy1608 Thanks for the positivity. I really hope I can come back in a year and tell the same story!

OP posts:
maddening · 26/02/2022 16:44

Doing the renovation will ultimately pay for the cost of itself and moving.

Mummy1608 · 26/02/2022 16:48

[quote wanderlove]@Mummy1608 Thanks for the positivity. I really hope I can come back in a year and tell the same story![/quote]
The main thing we really lucked out on was finding this incredible pair of builder/decorators. They gradually redid every room and all the floors (we couldn't afford ut all at once) over the course of about two and a half years - although after just one year it was already house of dreams. Several of my neighbours and friends have now used them on my recommendation and I've written them countless reviews lol.

Basically if you can find decent builders/decorators, all your problems are solved and you'll turn the place into your own heaven

MrsTrumpton · 26/02/2022 16:49

Do you have the funds to start the work asap? We bought a doer upper and while it was really grim when we moved in, we got builders round straight away to start pricing up the work and that's when I got really excited about it. So if you are able to, start looking for trades and start planning. I also bought loads of interior magazines so I could think about how I wanted it to look eventually. Like Mummy1608, I ended up with the house of my dreams and I'm never leaving it!

Herewegoagain84 · 26/02/2022 16:53

I would give it some time. Did you pay stamp duty? Think about your moving costs. Perhaps try and invest some time and energy into it first - you picked it for a reason.