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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To just sell the house

57 replies

wanderlove · 26/02/2022 15:12

We have just bought a 3 bed cottage. I think I hate it. As we’ve moved in it’s become apparent that it’s in a much worse state than we thought. We knew it was a doer upper but the stairs need replacing and there’s obviously been flooding and all the wooden floors are warped. I just feel a terrible knot in my tummy in the house and that it has a bad energy. It doesn’t feel like a happy home. I hate that the bedrooms are on separate floors so that we are separated from the kids. It has a lovely big garden and I feel better in there but otherwise I just feel like we have made a massive mistake. Should we continue our plans to do up or would AIBU to just sell on as is?

OP posts:
Whatamesssss · 26/02/2022 16:53

Can you pinpoint where the oppression is coming from? Is it a bit dark and dingy? Could you just slap on some white paint in the halls to brighten it up?

I cried (and I'm not usually a crier) the first day I moved to my new home, It needed everything doing (we knew it needed ripping out) and we had damp, mould, silverfish etc and the toilet smelt of urine, everywhere was dirty, I was so upset.

After all the renovations, I love it and have taken a vow to never move again Grin.

Porcupineintherough · 26/02/2022 16:56

If you had a top level survey how come it didnt pick up the problems with the stairs or floor but you've been able to after a few days?

Heronwatcher · 26/02/2022 17:01

You’ve got buyer’s remorse. It’s a “thing”. Especially when you move to somewhere which needs work. The house sounds lovely and your plans sound like they’ll definitely add value. Do the renovations but in a sensible way (no silly extras etc) and the see how you feel. Quite apart from anything else there is sod all on the market now in most places so you could end up in a 2 bed rental with no garden for the summer if you’re not careful.

Chipsahoy · 26/02/2022 17:11

We just moved countries. The house is in the middle of nowhere and is an absolute mess. It was also filthy. I have cried a few times I admit.
Bit a month in and I can see the potential. It will be worth it.
You can sort a house, make it yours. You can’t change the land or neighbours. Sounds like you like the land and neighbours.

tinkywinkyshandbag · 26/02/2022 17:15

Do a space clearing ceremony - google it. You need to blast away all that negative energy.

doublemonkey · 26/02/2022 17:15

Flip it while the market is still bouyant.

caranations · 26/02/2022 17:33

we had the top level survey..it didn't pick up the stairs or floor

It jolly well should have done, if they were that bad. You need to take legal advice, because it seems to me that they were negligent.

Original poster
wanderlove · 26/02/2022 17:34

We do have the funds for the extension and a builder booked in for the summer. We plan on doing the other stuff but by bit as we save up. We’ve got carpet ordered for the first bedroom and also bought the paint etc so I think it may feel better when we have at least one room that feels nice.

OP posts:
Original poster
wanderlove · 26/02/2022 18:57

@Whatamesssss There is a lot of dark wood in thr house. Dark beams, exposed dark brick work and the whole ceiling in entrance hall and corridor is very dark wood panelling. I think our first job is to get this plasterboarded as will make a great difference.

OP posts:
Original poster
wanderlove · 26/02/2022 19:02

@Heronwatcher I think we will make money on the renovations if we keep it basic. Thinking that we might not stay here will
Keep us sensible I think e.g IKEA bathrooms, we will try and reuse the present kitchen units and appliances in the extension and just change the unit doors. The extension will offer more square footage but also it will change it from a three to four bedroom so I think will recoup costs financially.

OP posts:
KeepingAnOpenMind · 26/02/2022 19:12

It’s a good time to sell right now so why not get a valuation.
If the atmosphere is bad why not get someone in to do an exorcism.

parietal · 26/02/2022 20:05

Stay put and do the work. You will gain so much when it is all fixed up and nice.

gunnersgold · 26/02/2022 20:13

Have a look at the Frenchic Facebook pages . You can lighten beams and paint panelling . It sounds like my ideal house tbh!

Mummy1608 · 26/02/2022 20:18

[quote wanderlove]@Whatamesssss There is a lot of dark wood in thr house. Dark beams, exposed dark brick work and the whole ceiling in entrance hall and corridor is very dark wood panelling. I think our first job is to get this plasterboarded as will make a great difference.[/quote]
Woah I love dark wood panelling! But what would the world be like if we all thought alike though eh

Original poster
wanderlove · 26/02/2022 20:35

@Mummy1608
It’s not nice wood panelling! It’s planks on the ceiling painted mahogany!

OP posts:
Mummy1608 · 26/02/2022 20:39

[quote wanderlove]@Mummy1608
It’s not nice wood panelling! It’s planks on the ceiling painted mahogany![/quote]
Ah painted wood?! Yanbu!! I retract my earlier comment!

FrownedUpon · 26/02/2022 20:40

Depends how unhappy you are. If it’s really bringing your mood down & you can afford it, I’d move.

Being in the ‘wrong’ house can hugely affect your mental health, so look after yourself.

Hankunamatata · 26/02/2022 20:53

Paint your wood panelling. I have it all through halls and stairs, painted it and was amazed how much nicer it looked/ more modern plus its really hard wearing

OneSwallow · 26/02/2022 21:12

I feel your pain. We bought our current house in a panic . The day we l moved in I hated it. It was raining, the house is dark and cold. I have been counting the days till we move . Planning to sell in the spring. We have been here nearly four years and I’ve never liked it. Sometimes it’s better to cut your losses.
However, do some clearing work or get someone in to do it. Repaint it and do some work and if after a full year you still hate it, sell. Just
Having that plan helps you deal with it.

Crystal12345 · 27/02/2022 19:10

I felt like this after we moved. We moved from a small end terraced ex council house to a 4/5 bed semi in a beautiful street. The carpets hadn’t been replaced in over twenty years. None of our furniture went in the new house. I felt so down for about a month. Didn’t want any one to come and see the new house. Then I started to feel more positive when we were looking at carpets and ordered new sofas. Been here 3 years now and definitely so pleased we moved. We still need to do stuff like put a new kitchen In but manage to live with the one we have for the time being.
Try to do the work you were going to do anyway during the next 6 months and see how you feel then. You might feel better by then and think the extra work will be worth it.

LakieLady · 27/02/2022 20:42

Any house that hasn't been recently decorated looks shite when it's empty, imo. You can see all sorts of marks and imperfections that go unnoticed when it's furnished, pictures are up and that sort of thing.

As you get it done, bit by bit, you may well grow to love it. I think getting the main living room done, as it's the one where you spend most of your time and is also the most "public" room, would be my priority.

If you still don't like it when it's all decorated, then sell it. Making it look fresh and clean adds value!

Original poster
wanderlove · 02/03/2022 06:58

Thanks everyone for your comments. I think the problem is we are needed to do structural work to make the house work. It currently has a tiny kitchen, separate dining room and front room amd is only 3 bedroom. We were in tough place finding somewhere to buy and although this wasnt perfect we could make it work…but would need to extend and rejig. So it requires a substantial investment but also we are in a bit of limbo re. Redecorating until the structural work is done. I think I’d feel better if we could get started. I also have been to see the doctor as I feel like I’m despairing and catastrophising and spiralling with negative thoughts. Which also means it’s probably not the best time to make decisions.

OP posts:
Original poster
wanderlove · 02/03/2022 07:01

Also there are all the emotions that go with relocation; I am feeling a real grief for my old life; my children’s lovely old school, thr beautiful village we lived in and friends and family. I am feeling very very remorseful for making this big change. I feel like I am stuck in a random village in thr middle of nowhere. We’d always been planning on doing this before secondary but I just wish we had stayed put.

OP posts:
MargaretThursday · 02/03/2022 07:04

I hated this house when we moved for about 4 months. It wasn't ours and it didn't feel right.
Once we'd started doing things, and making it our own the feeling gradually went.

Tonsiltrouble · 02/03/2022 07:15

It’s quite normal to feel this way. I left my beautiful finished house in a desirable road to move to a doer upper. It was only around the corner but I lost my community (all our neighbours here are over 80 so it’s less sociable). The house was habitable but not comfortable and every surface was a different shade of peach/pink/lilac. The bathrooms had deep pile carpets. We had structural work to do, there were some unexpected surprises, and the house didn’t have central heating.

We started work pretty much straight away, going room to room in the bits we can redecorate, and started the bigger work about 3 months later. A year later the house was unrecognisable and it’s lovely.

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