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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to wonder if it's sad if a person needs to work to be happy

44 replies

LitterPicker1236 · 25/02/2022 09:28

Our family business folded in the pandemic. For years, I have worked brutal hours between work and looking after DC.

Suddenly, I find that I am no longer working and DC have now left home, and I literally don't know what to do with myself.

For years, I envisaged that I would love time for hobbies. Now I have the time, I feel that I there are no hobbies that I am really excited about taking up.

Also, I feel I need to work to gain a sense of usefulness and purpose and to have some kind of structure to the day.

I have applied to go back to my old profession that I used to do before we started the family business years ago, so will soon be going back into the work force.

Am I sad to need to work to feel happy?

OP posts:
GnomeOrMistAndIceGuy · 25/02/2022 09:29

Not at all. Many people love their work and are proud of what they achieve. I would be bored stiff without work!

Hoppinggreen · 25/02/2022 09:30

Not at all.
I took 6 months off about 4 or 5 years ago for various reasons. I found that if my brain wasn’t occupied enough I got quite depressed, despite having lots of non work activities I was doing. The daily challenge was important for my MH, which I was surprised about because I had long gaps when I had the DC and was fine.
Do what’s right for you

GnomeOrMistAndIceGuy · 25/02/2022 09:32

Aside from anything, when I'm not in work, my eating goes to absolute pot. 😭

bridgetreilly · 25/02/2022 09:32

Work is a good thing! It’s completely normal to want to work, to find purpose in it, to do something productive with your time.

Firesidefox · 25/02/2022 09:33

No way. We are animals and need to be busy. I was looking at an ad for labrador puppies today and it said 'we need to go to homes where we will work as it makes us happy'. I didn't feel sorry for them.

My most depressed friends are those who don't work, and I've had my lowest times when I haven't been working (eg having a baby).

BestKnitterInScotland · 25/02/2022 09:34

Honestly? It is a bit. What are you going to do when you are retired?

There are so many things you could be doing with your time and work is just one of them. Volunteering could give you structure and a sense of usefulness. As could overhauling your garden, or setting a challenge to walk 5 miles a day, or have a project to take a photograph of your local park each day or whatever floats your boat.

It's about balance. I think we all wear different hats and different times and having a range of things going on in your life creates a happier individual overall.

VodselForDinner · 25/02/2022 09:35

Absolutely not.

I need to work for the routine, otherwise my mental health takes a dive.

scootalooser · 25/02/2022 09:35

Completely agree with PPs. An interesting finding in the 1950s mass observation project was that women who worked or had some regular committed activities outside the home were much happier than those without. We need purpose and connection to be happy imho and work gives that with the lovely bonus of £!

HarlanPepper · 25/02/2022 09:36

I think life is about finding meaning and purpose rather than happiness as a goal in itself. So no, I don't think you're "sad".

DirectionToPerfection · 25/02/2022 09:39

Personally, I'd love it if I didn't have to work. It's an enormous drain on my time, especially in busy periods when I'm having to work stupid hours. I do it so that I can afford to live, but there are lots of things I'd rather be doing.

I don't understand how people can be bored or have no purpose without work. There are so many ways you could fill your time. Try lots of different hobbies to find ones you like, travel, learn a language, read, volunteer for a cause you believe in. The opportunities are endless.

thatsnotabadger · 25/02/2022 09:42

I'd be the same. I love my job. Stressful, long hours, rushed off my feet but I love it. It gives me a real sense of achievement. I worry about retirement, I think I'd volunteer to do my job!

speakout · 25/02/2022 09:43

I don't think it's sad, but I agree we need activities to feel fulfilled.
Not sure I would want back into a regular job though!

I am pretty good at filling my time, like creative arts, and I like to keep fit, yoga particularly so if I had more spare time I would probably deep dive into that and maybe train to become an instructor.

I have my own small business and work from home, it has been over 20 years since I had a "proper" job.
Having said that I am very self motivated both for my business and any project I start. The "firing up" of anything is my favourite point, whether developing a new product or planning a vegetable garden.

OwlinaTree · 25/02/2022 09:44

I picked a job that enables me to support society - it's important to me to work to be part of the community.

Original poster
LitterPicker1236 · 25/02/2022 09:46

Aah, thanks everyone. It's so nice that so many of you don't think I am a sad git for needing to work to be happy.

I did think about volunteering. However, my profession that I will be returning to is just a socially useful as the voluntary work I was thinking about doing. I therefore concluded that I might as well be paid to do something useful as not!

OP posts:
Moonface123 · 25/02/2022 09:47

Most people are so conditioned to be busy, right from a very young age time , endless years spent in school then work, college, uni etc we hardly pause for breath, for some reason working yourself to death is viewed as a valuable way to live. l really value time to myself, so many books to read, so many things to learn, walks in nature, places to travel to, people to meet. l refuse to make the confinements of work my only comfort zone, theres a whole world out there, enjoy it whilst you can.

speakout · 25/02/2022 09:47

OwlinaTree don't all jobs support society?

I pay tax and NI contributions, I spend my income on local businesses.

Isn't that supporting society? It's all contributing.

etulosba · 25/02/2022 09:50

I don’t work. I love it. I get to do what I want to when I want to do it.

etulosba · 25/02/2022 09:51

to do

BulletTrain · 25/02/2022 09:51

I think variation is key. I'm part time with a 3 year old which is perfect. When I retire I will volunteer.

At home with just knitting or running or running an allotment would bore me. I need some social interaction.

balalake · 25/02/2022 09:52

Nothing wrong at all, as long as it is not the only thing you feel defined by.

OwlinaTree · 25/02/2022 09:55

@speakout

OwlinaTree don't all jobs support society?

I pay tax and NI contributions, I spend my income on local businesses.

Isn't that supporting society? It's all contributing.

Yes of course. We all contribute in this way whether we want to or not!
User310 · 25/02/2022 09:56

Op, I hate having to work but if I have longer than 2 weeks off, I start to become depressed.

For me, I think it’s the need to contribute to society, to be useful to the wider community, to be recognised and above all to break up the everyday routine and create some structure. Although, in real life you will just hear me moan about having to work.

BloodyForeland · 25/02/2022 09:56

Not in the least if your work is meaningful and fulfilling. I would still do mine were I as rich as Croesus.

whenwilliwillibefamous · 25/02/2022 09:56

For years, I have worked brutal hours between work and looking after DC.
So basically you have had 0 time to adjust to making your own plans. It's not surprising that you're not completely fabulous at it straight out of the gate, don't worry about it.
You might find that with a job that doesn't consume 99% of your time and effort, your interests will have space to blossom, while still having the regularity of the job to anchor your life.
That's another way of saying you do you, OP, and that there's nothing wrong with you, it's just circumstances I think.

Hoppinggreen · 25/02/2022 09:59

@OwlinaTree

I picked a job that enables me to support society - it's important to me to work to be part of the community.
Most jobs do this in some way though