Page 2 | To ask would you be happy in a relationship only ever having sex whilst actively TTC?

FrustratedTeddyLamp · 2022-02-23T19:59:58+00:00

Im just interested in seeing the answers due to another thread where there are lots of posters saying if men don't want children they shouldn't have sex. I don't really want to get into that on this thread I'm just trying to be completely open about the context of the question. I'm just interested how many other posters would be happy with this solution? Would you be happy to be in a relationship when you both only have sex when wanting a child? So not just for fun or waiting 8 years after your wedding night if you get married at 22 but don't want kids until your 30s

BigButtons · 23/02/2022 20:39

All the other thread was saying was that penetrative sex carries a risk of pregnancy, even with contraception and that both parties must be prepared to take responsibility for an unwanted conception. If a man absolutely does not want to risk a pregnancy than he needs to get sterilised. The same would go for a woman. If a pregnancy occurs than it is solely the woman’s decision as to whether she continues with it because it is her body and not his.

needmoreshinys · 23/02/2022 20:42

Surely in your question, you are just shoving the decision to have a baby back onto women.

Because if men want sex without the consquences, they will just take what they want and then in your world of no abortion there is going to a shit ton of fucked up kids who were not wanted by either parents, but one of them was forced into it.

Original poster

FrustratedTeddyLamp · 23/02/2022 20:42

I guess so but I'd say to balance it out there'd have to be nothing like PCOS or Endometriosis ( which would be a god send for some) and fertility would have to be ramped up so you're statistically very likely pregnant after sex.

And clit stimulation is a thing but I guess not something your partner could do?

OP posts:

Original poster

FrustratedTeddyLamp · 23/02/2022 20:44

@needmoreshinys

Surely in your question, you are just shoving the decision to have a baby back onto women.

Because if men want sex without the consquences, they will just take what they want and then in your world of no abortion there is going to a shit ton of fucked up kids who were not wanted by either parents, but one of them was forced into it.

No because in my world it would be the same for both parties only wanting sex whilst TTC can we keep rape out of my complicated fictional world please

OP posts:

WorriedMumsDontSleep · 23/02/2022 20:46

And clit stimulation is a thing but I guess not something your partner could do?

I think I'd be having a companion rather than a lover in that case.

needmoreshinys · 23/02/2022 20:48

No because in my world it would be the same for both parties only wanting sex whilst TTC can we keep rape out of my complicated fictional world please

But then in your complicated fictional world, people wouldn't know any difference, so would be happy with status quo

Original poster

FrustratedTeddyLamp · 23/02/2022 20:50

Stop trying to find loopholes I meant only as a solo activity. Narrow-minded I know but any clit stimulation by another person would have to contain the act of PIV sex. Before the session finishes. no quickies!

OP posts:

Original poster

FrustratedTeddyLamp · 23/02/2022 20:52

@needmoreshinys

No because in my world it would be the same for both parties only wanting sex whilst TTC can we keep rape out of my complicated fictional world please

But then in your complicated fictional world, people wouldn't know any difference, so would be happy with status quo

But there'd still be sex education and not be a secret that it's pleasurable. And yeah I fucked up saying only wanting sex when TTC. So yeah there'd be sexual urges etc but no rape!

OP posts:

Worldwide2 · 23/02/2022 20:53

I dont want another baby but I thoroughly enjoy sex. Implant in which has never failed so far obviously a very small risk which I'm willing to take as there is nothing more intimate/close than having sex with your partner.

HowlongWillThisTakeNow · 23/02/2022 20:53

I’m a man, over 50, have been using condoms for 30 years for ‘fun’ sex, no unplanned pregnancies, no ttc.
Last partner was post menopause and we both had STI tests and stopped using condoms ( her suggestion), and that made me feel abit anxious, bit like not using a safety net !
But since I never really wanted children, I suppose I would be a virgin still, and maybe never been in a relationship, or have the snip ?

Original poster

FrustratedTeddyLamp · 23/02/2022 20:55

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow

I’m a man, over 50, have been using condoms for 30 years for ‘fun’ sex, no unplanned pregnancies, no ttc. Last partner was post menopause and we both had STI tests and stopped using condoms ( her suggestion), and that made me feel abit anxious, bit like not using a safety net ! But since I never really wanted children, I suppose I would be a virgin still, and maybe never been in a relationship, or have the snip ?

You'd be a virgin in this scenario

OP posts:

HowlongWillThisTakeNow · 23/02/2022 21:00

😭

needmoreshinys · 23/02/2022 21:02

But there'd still be sex education and not be a secret that it's pleasurable. And yeah I fucked up saying only wanting sex when TTC. So yeah there'd be sexual urges etc but no rape!

But in certain schools, it is a secret that its pleasurable, which is where teenage pregnancies happen.

My whole point is, you can keep putting in a ton of shit rules to make yoru point, but you have missed the point of the original thread and you have now changed it to be completely different

scarpa · 23/02/2022 21:02

@konasana

I'd be happy with it but only while using contraception that I was in control of.

I say this as someone who commented on the other thread that the only way a man can exercise his right to not have a baby is to not have sex. If I was a man, I'd be using condoms and accepting the fact that it could fail, or I'd refrain completely.

But would you be happy if your partner said he wasn't happy to accept any risk at all that your contraception (and condoms) could fail, and therefore would only have sex when you were TTC?

I assume that's what OP means, as an abstract idea...

That a lot of women wouldn't be okay with their partner abstaining entirely at all non-TTC times, but it's reasonably likely that some of those women would also be angry/upset/not want to take into account if a partner wasn't ready for a child as a result of an unplanned pregnancy due to contraception failure, citing that he knew it'd be a risk... so he's damned if he does and damned if he doesn't.

This is v much not a Poor Men comment - there are PLENTY, a worrying majority in fact, of men who don't consider this for a single second until the pregnancy happens and then they realise they should have thought for 0.1 second about the potential consequences. But in theory, were a man to try and behave according to his wish to take 0 risk to have a child, that'd be unacceptable to a lot of partners too and while I don't think most men are having sex out of the goodness of their heart to keep their partners happy, it's interesting to wonder what would happen if this approach was adopted en masse by men.

Regularsizedrudy · 23/02/2022 21:04

What bizarre point are you trying to make exactly?

Original poster

FrustratedTeddyLamp · 23/02/2022 21:08

😅But would you be happy if your partner said he wasn't happy to accept any risk at all that your contraception (and condoms) could fail, and therefore would only have sex when you were TTC?

I assume that's what OP means, as an abstract idea...😂 Yes you've explained more easily than me but I was trying to avoid loads of obstacles that ended up creating more

OP posts:

Original poster

FrustratedTeddyLamp · 23/02/2022 21:12

I wish I just wrote that now but starting another thread with just that wrote seems wasteful

OP posts:

TravellingFrom · 23/02/2022 21:12

Wo contraception I would be very weary of having sex if not TTC. I know that when I didn’t want a child, the fear if a possible pregnancy despite the OCP was very much there. I don’t think would have taken that risk wo it.

I would also have considered having my tubes tied to avoid the risk once I had the children I wanted.

Original poster

FrustratedTeddyLamp · 23/02/2022 21:16

But would you be happy if your partner said he wasn't happy to accept any risk at all that your contraception (and condoms) could fail, and therefore would only have sex when you were TTC?

I assume that's what OP means, as an abstract idea...q

^ was more of a point not in a quote as I know some don't read replies that seem longer

OP posts:

RedWingBoots · 23/02/2022 21:17

@Regularsizedrudy

What bizarre point are you trying to make exactly?

He wants to control the bodies of the women he sleeps with.

He can't get his head around the idea that if he has PIV sex and contraception fails (or more likely he can't be bothered to wear a condom), then he has no choice on what the woman decides to do with her body.

The OP fails to realise that until a child is born (at least in the UK) it is not a separate individual but regarded as part of a woman's body. Once the child is born then as he provided genetic material for half the child he has legal responsibilities to that child.

TravellingFrom · 23/02/2022 21:21

@FrustratedTeddyLamp

😅But would you be happy if your partner said he wasn't happy to accept any risk at all that your contraception (and condoms) could fail, and therefore would only have sex when you were TTC?

I assume that's what OP means, as an abstract idea...😂 Yes you've explained more easily than me but I was trying to avoid loads of obstacles that ended up creating more

If the question is for a relationship that is established and strong, is it ok to say ‘nope not having sex unless ttc as it’s a too big risk’, then I’d say:

I assume this would have been the case right form the start so both partners would know and have agreed to that in the first place.

If your question is whether this is a satisfying arrangement, then the answer is clearly NO. That’s why men and women have always had sex despite the risks before contraception existed.

However, it is also possible to still have sex with no risk of pg at all. Men have a vasectomy. Women have their tube tied. You can still have sex wo the risk of pg.
This is Obviously incompatible with ‘I still want to keep the possibility to have a child later on’. It’s a choice really.

NeverChange · 23/02/2022 21:27

Hell no.

My brain actually hurts from trying to figure out your thinking on this one!!!!

OppsUpsSide · 23/02/2022 21:29

Absolutely, not a fan of sex.

Original poster

FrustratedTeddyLamp · 23/02/2022 21:30

I didn't know I'd had a sex change thanks for informing me

OP posts:

HowlongWillThisTakeNow · 23/02/2022 21:39

This is v much not a Poor Men comment - there are PLENTY, a worrying majority in fact, of men who don't consider this for a single second until the pregnancy happens and then they realise they should have thought for 0.1 second about the potential consequences. But in theory, were a man to try and behave according to his wish to take 0 risk to have a child, that'd be unacceptable to a lot of partners too and while I don't think most men are having sex out of the goodness of their heart to keep their partners happy, it's interesting to wonder what would happen if this approach was adopted en masse by men.

Interesting idea, I would say that at beginning of my relationships my female partners have probably wanted sex as much ( 1 partner more) than me, so I suppose one conclusion could be that no kids = no sex = no relationships.

Maybe a logical conclusion could be that the only sex would be for procreation and not fun, so why would people be in relationships at all ?