Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Quit GGing to move to Scouts?

43 replies

ToMoveFromGGingOrNot · 23/02/2022 02:07

More trying to get my thoughts together here. I’ve not been able to sleep from thinking about this. Hence the post at 2am.

DD is currently in the GGs, one of the younger two sections but I won’t say which.

She absolutely loves it, has many badges already and talks constantly about going. Always wants to do interest badge work at home.

3 of her classmates used to go with her; one quit due to not liking it, one quit because her parents couldn’t fit it in around their work and the 3rd quit and went to scouts because her brother goes there.

My DN also used to go but had to quit but may rejoin in the future and it’s likely she’d try and join DDs unit if old enough.

She seems absolutely fine without any classmates but always on the peripheral of the actual groups. Most of the other girls talk to her but she’s never for example bought the mascot home as the girl who last had it chooses who it goes home with and they always choose their friends.

She knows some of the girls from school but they’re in a younger year group and there’s a group all from the same class so again she’ll chat to them and join in but is on the peripheral.

She hasn’t asked to stop going and has spent half term doing more badge work happily.

I’m tempted to take her out and put her in scouts but I’m not sure.

Pros

  • She might be with classmates so have something in common (none of them even go to a different GG unit they literally all do either scouts or other activities so when she’s talking about badges at school she says they seem a little bored)
  • Might be able to lift share with classmates who live nearby
  • Getting her to try something new as from what I can read scouts is completely different

Cons

  • She has some SN and compares herself to her classmates, since her classmates left she’s not comparing herself to them, being in a group with classmates could actually knock her confidence but it could help her socially
  • Being able to make friends outside of her class/year seems a benefit to me
  • She’s not actually unhappy and hasn’t asked to do something else – am I pre-empting problems that aren’t there? Is it just because this age can be very cliquey anyway?
  • Has to “start again” when she’s already earned quite a few badges and feels proud of herself
  • She says she has friends at GGing
  • She likes the leaders
  • I’ve already paid out for uniform and subs and sewn the badges onto the uniform
  • Might be harder to get her in, current GGing works around her other activities
  • Her SN means she tires quickly, GGing leaders have been great at working around her SN so she can still fully participate, I’m not sure if scouting will be as inclusive, she may also have to miss the outside parts (which she often does with GGing)
  • No guarentees she’d end up in a group with her classmates anyway
  • School may mix the classes again next year so there might actually be someone from one of the other classes in one of the other units or sections who might become her best friend

For context I never did GG or Scouts, my parents wouldn’t let me (long story) so it’s hard to know which is the best option.

She has other out of school activities but again not with classmates but they do that activity so she does have that in common with them.

So what do people think? I know there’s lots of people here who feel strongly with one organisation or the other, I do not care about that I just want whats best for my DD.

Peoples thoughts are welcome though.

Vote:
YABU – Keep her in GGing
YANBU – See if you can move her to scouts

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 23/02/2022 02:10

Being able to make friends outside of her class/year seems a benefit to me

This for me.

When one group isn't going well, she has the other.

ToMoveFromGGingOrNot · 23/02/2022 02:26

@MrsTerryPratchett

Being able to make friends outside of her class/year seems a benefit to me

This for me.

When one group isn't going well, she has the other.

@MrsTerryPratchett That's a point, problems at school she has GGing to escape it all, if shes with her classmates they could carry that over into Scouting.
OP posts:
FavouriteFortnight · 23/02/2022 02:37

In the nicest possible way I think you are massively over thinking this if it is keeping you awake at night!

I can’t see any reason to move her - she’s happy and settled. The only reason to move her seems to be to chase after individual classmates who could quit/move again anyway. Let her plough her own furrow and keep doing something she clearly enjoys.

FWIW my DS is in Scouts and i had the choice of two local sections and I deliberately chose NOT to send him to the one his best friend goes to because I thought he would benefit more from diversifying his friendship group. He’s yet to make any strong friendships there but I think it’s good for him to have his own thing.

ToMoveFromGGingOrNot · 23/02/2022 02:39

@FavouriteFortnight

In the nicest possible way I think you are massively over thinking this if it is keeping you awake at night!

I can’t see any reason to move her - she’s happy and settled. The only reason to move her seems to be to chase after individual classmates who could quit/move again anyway. Let her plough her own furrow and keep doing something she clearly enjoys.

FWIW my DS is in Scouts and i had the choice of two local sections and I deliberately chose NOT to send him to the one his best friend goes to because I thought he would benefit more from diversifying his friendship group. He’s yet to make any strong friendships there but I think it’s good for him to have his own thing.

@FavouriteFortnight I think you've nailed it, she's not made any strong friendships and due to her SN i'm panicking about it. which is very definitely isn't like me at all

I want her to be happy. And i think it stings a bit seeing all her classmates together in their scouts uniforms and lift sharing and wondering if DD will get that. If that makes sense?

It was ok when my DN was there, as she at least had someone.

OP posts:
tirednewmumm · 23/02/2022 02:41

You're preempting a problem that isn't there and it seems like a terrible message that she should give up something that she enjoys and makes her feel proud because her friends aren't there Confused setting her up for a lifetime of thinking whether or not her friends are doing it is more important than if she thinks it's a good idea herself!!

Besides she's happy and says she has friends, maybe not a best friend or small clique but perhaps it's better that way, she enjoys it and less likely to be sucked into any drama.

ToMoveFromGGingOrNot · 23/02/2022 02:43

@tirednewmumm

You're preempting a problem that isn't there and it seems like a terrible message that she should give up something that she enjoys and makes her feel proud because her friends aren't there Confused setting her up for a lifetime of thinking whether or not her friends are doing it is more important than if she thinks it's a good idea herself!!

Besides she's happy and says she has friends, maybe not a best friend or small clique but perhaps it's better that way, she enjoys it and less likely to be sucked into any drama.

@tirednewmumm Your right, I am seeing problems that aren't there.

I think like I said further up it's the SN mixed with her not making any strong friendships and my minds just gone "Oh no" and wants to wrap her up and protect her but I know I can't and like you said she's happy so nothing to protect her from.

OP posts:
tirednewmumm · 23/02/2022 02:50

It's so hard when we want the best for them I totally over think things as well but she's happy! And that's what counts, maybe her idea of what makes it a good experience is different to hers Smile

I just can't see any positives in taking her away from something she likes and progresses in to do something with her friends I honestly think you'd be telling her that peer pressure is more important than your own enjoyment/judgement of something and that doesn't seem positive at all

FavouriteFortnight · 23/02/2022 02:52

Yes I agree I think you are projecting your own worries here.

It takes time to build new friendships when they are only with each other for an hour or so a week. And it doesn’t have to be about friendships anyway, it can just be about doing something she enjoys.

ToMoveFromGGingOrNot · 23/02/2022 02:55

@FavouriteFortnight

Yes I agree I think you are projecting your own worries here.

It takes time to build new friendships when they are only with each other for an hour or so a week. And it doesn’t have to be about friendships anyway, it can just be about doing something she enjoys.

@FavouriteFortnight I forget they're only children who maybe even forget about each other when not there, whereas as an adult I'd have added people on Facebook and be chatting to them between meetings.

I think I'll keep her in GGing for now. Like others have said it's nice for her to have something away from her classmates.

OP posts:
Miaowse · 23/02/2022 08:56

Could she do both?

ToMoveFromGGingOrNot · 23/02/2022 09:42

@Miaowse

Could she do both?
@Miaowse She could if I could fit it in around her other activities but I'm not sure if I want her to do both, I think I'd rather she picked one or the other and leave the space at the other for another child.
OP posts:
Ohhelpicantthinkofaname · 23/02/2022 09:44

Dd2 did scouts. Dd1 did a couple of sessions of guides, but then decided it wasn’t for her.

Scouts was more fun. Dd2 loved it when she did it, but she decided not to go back after covid as the time moves and it clash with another activity that she has done since she was small.

That said, if your dd is happy I probably wouldn’t move her. Sometimes it’s good for them to have to branch out and make different friends. Your dd seems to be doing just fine with this and moving her may just upset her.

wishmyhousetidy · 23/02/2022 09:53

agree with another poster you are massively overthinking it- she seems happy and if you continue overthinking things like this you will without realising pass these feelings onto your daughter. I used to worry about things like this all the time and worrying whether my daughter had enough friends etc and I think it spectacularly backfired. Mine is a teen now and I do think without realising it I put a lot of pressure on her and effected her self esteem which led to pretty terrible consequences.
Learn from my mistakes, back off from her, if she is happy leave her be. If she expressed a desire to try something new such as Scouts support her - but I mean it in the kindest way leave her be. There is time enough to support her to try new things but don’t put your insecurities onto her. As an aside my daughter has done scouts/explorers for 6 years and loves it but let yours make the choice to change.

ToMoveFromGGingOrNot · 23/02/2022 10:01

@wishmyhousetidy

agree with another poster you are massively overthinking it- she seems happy and if you continue overthinking things like this you will without realising pass these feelings onto your daughter. I used to worry about things like this all the time and worrying whether my daughter had enough friends etc and I think it spectacularly backfired. Mine is a teen now and I do think without realising it I put a lot of pressure on her and effected her self esteem which led to pretty terrible consequences. Learn from my mistakes, back off from her, if she is happy leave her be. If she expressed a desire to try something new such as Scouts support her - but I mean it in the kindest way leave her be. There is time enough to support her to try new things but don’t put your insecurities onto her. As an aside my daughter has done scouts/explorers for 6 years and loves it but let yours make the choice to change.
@wishmyhousetidy I needed that thank you.

DDs actually told me she likes not having anyone from school there because she doesn't have to be as good as the others as they don't know her.

I think it makes sense.

OP posts:
coffeeisthebest · 23/02/2022 10:02

Speak to the leader about the mascot thing, that sounds like a rubbish system if kids are only choosing their friends. Why not ask if it would be possible to change that to a fairer system where they all get a go?

YerAWizardHarry · 23/02/2022 10:04

If she’s in Rainbows or Brownies it won’t be Scouts she joins just so you’re aware but assuming you just mean Scouting in general.

Our Beavers currently has 1 girl,
Cubs has zero girls
And Scouts (from age 10) has I think around 5 or 6. Id definitely check the makeup of your local pack to see whether she’d want to be in a very much male dominated environment

ToMoveFromGGingOrNot · 23/02/2022 10:04

@coffeeisthebest

Speak to the leader about the mascot thing, that sounds like a rubbish system if kids are only choosing their friends. Why not ask if it would be possible to change that to a fairer system where they all get a go?
@coffeeisthebest The system when she first started was each girl got it once then chose someone after that, but then it always went to the newest girl joining and she was then allowed to choose who it went to.

I'm not overly bothered, but I think DD would enjoy having the mascot for a week.

OP posts:
ToMoveFromGGingOrNot · 23/02/2022 10:07

@YerAWizardHarry

If she’s in Rainbows or Brownies it won’t be Scouts she joins just so you’re aware but assuming you just mean Scouting in general.

Our Beavers currently has 1 girl,
Cubs has zero girls
And Scouts (from age 10) has I think around 5 or 6. Id definitely check the makeup of your local pack to see whether she’d want to be in a very much male dominated environment

@YerAWizardHarry From what I can tell most children around here do scouting, there's waiting lists at Beavers and Cubs in most of the local units.

There's no waiting list at either Rainbows or Brownies at any of the local units, I literally had a pick of 5 different units all with 1-2 spaces, one had 5 spaces and still does from looking on go.

OP posts:
YerAWizardHarry · 23/02/2022 10:09

I’m a Cubs leader and our pack is full (36 Cubs currently) and they’re all boys. Just because they’re full doesn’t mean they have an even mix of boys and girls

user1471530109 · 23/02/2022 10:11

OP, both my dds did both. The eldest has SN and it has really helped her in moving up to secondary school. She has names to put to the many faces. She went to a v small rural primary and doing both meant she met loads of kids from other schools. She never made friends at brownies as such. But now she's at secondary, she is actually quite close with some of the girls that she met there. Cubs was her main love and she excelled at the activities and grew in confidence. Unfortunately she made the decision recently to leave scouts (no GG near her either) which I am quite sad about as it brought so much to her life. But she was starting to struggle with some of the social dynamics in the older group.
My youngest is now doing both and whilst she is a bit sad that she doesn't have friends in one of the group's from her school, even she can see how it's helped her big sister in the long run.

ToMoveFromGGingOrNot · 23/02/2022 10:11

@YerAWizardHarry

I’m a Cubs leader and our pack is full (36 Cubs currently) and they’re all boys. Just because they’re full doesn’t mean they have an even mix of boys and girls
@YerAWizardHarry I think most of her classmates go to one Beavers/Cub group and it's a class of mostly girls (22 girls and 6 boys), so I think it does feel like they're all doing the same thing together.

But DDs just said she likes not being with classmates so I'll be keeping her in GGing.

OP posts:
wishmyhousetidy · 23/02/2022 10:11

Thats good if she said that. I think it is good also to have different groups of people to meet up with in the week. I know how you feel and I wasted so much energy worrying about things like this, and I should have just chilled back a bit. It drove her dad up the wall and he was the one to point out that my stress was effecting her, even though I thought I kept it to myself. Her self esteem was affected and iI think it helped push her towards a bad situation when she was a young teen.
These groups, Scouts and I imagine Guides can be a lifeline when things are not perfect in their school friendship circles so it’s great that she wants to go.

user1471530109 · 23/02/2022 10:12

Our cubs pack has more girls than boys Grin. But that matches the school year too.

EvilPea · 23/02/2022 10:14

@YerAWizardHarry

If she’s in Rainbows or Brownies it won’t be Scouts she joins just so you’re aware but assuming you just mean Scouting in general.

Our Beavers currently has 1 girl,
Cubs has zero girls
And Scouts (from age 10) has I think around 5 or 6. Id definitely check the makeup of your local pack to see whether she’d want to be in a very much male dominated environment

Ours is the opposite more girls than boys (the local guides Are struggling with their lead whilst scouts is doing well on retention). Scouts is also incredibly SN inclusive, most of the leaders at ours work in childcare settings. Like guiding it very much depends on the group and the leaders though. You’ll get a good fit and not so good fit.

Ultimately though, if she’s happy. I wouldn’t move her. Guides and scouts is funny isn’t it, due to the variety of things you do, no two weeks should be the same. You’ll have good weeks and bad weeks, ones you enjoy and ones not so much.

Meandthesky · 23/02/2022 10:15

I’m a leader in GG but completely understand that some girls prefer scouts and I would rather they move over than just leave guiding/scouting altogether. So I’m not basing my answer on loyalty to GG here!

However, I don’t think in this case it would be a good idea because your DD is happy in GG and the leaders are accommodating her needs. Any GG/Scout group should be able to accommodate but in practice it can vary depending on the leaders, so I’d be wary of moving her without assurances that this would be handled well.

My unit has the majority of girls from one local school and I know it can be hard for girls who aren’t in that school to find their place sometimes. It’s not that the girls are mean or deliberately exclude others (we wouldn’t tolerate that) but they just naturally flock to their friends from school. If it concerns you, have a word with the leaders and ask them to keep an eye on it.

I agree the girls choosing the next person to take the mascot home isn’t the best way to do it. We don’t have one, but I think leaders should do the choosing to ensure it’s as fair as these things can be.