Am I the bad neighbour or are they?

[barkingdogturfwar]

I'll do the background bit first in an attempt not to drip feed. I've lived in this house for about 4 years, with my DS. Neighbours moved in at the same time with their DC. Every member of the next door family is annoying. They do everything loudly - chatting, playing, arguing. They stole a half a foot strip of my drive when they got theirs done . They absolutely hate me having some spindly little trees in my garden and throw every leaf that floats over back into my garden . They haven't been speaking to me for a year or two in part to do with me daring to have trees. I have quite enjoyed having them 'not speaking' to me as they can't send their DC round constantly any more, and we just ignore each other happily.

I've got a dog. The dog started barking at midnight last night. He's only done this once before, a couple of weeks ago when next door mum and dad were absolutely screaming and cackling in the early hours with their mates. They thumped on my wall then several times and there was no way of me stopping the dog barking aside from sitting next to him on the sofa downstairs. I had tried putting the radio on in the back kitchen/living room where he sleeps to drown it out but they were so loud that I could still hear them fucking cackling over the noise of the radio and so could the dog.

Anyway, he had started barking last night because next door dad was being loud in the garden. At midnight. And the kitchen/living room is at the back of the house. Suppose the dog was only doing what dogs do when they hear people shouting just outside the house. I was downstairs with him within about 2 minutes to stop him and thought I might as well let him out for a wee seeing as I had been dragged out of bed. As soon as I opened the back door, next door dad started absolutely incandescent rage level shouting 'shut the FUCK UP, control your FUCKING DOG, shut up, FUCKING CUNT'. It wasn't so much the language as it was the tone, he sounded unhinged. And this little rant went on for a while despite the fact that the dog was by now silent again.

They are the type to report everyone for everything that they can so I spent the next hour googling environmental health 5k fines for dogs barking 🤦🏼‍♀️ but I've come to the conclusion that there's very little that I can do to prevent my dog barking at midnight rackets right in his ear shot. It's not like he's out in the garden barking incessantly for hours or left on his own during the day. If I called him a cunt he would probably report me to the police!

They've got people over right now, and I know this because I can hear kids running and shouting in every room of my house, and the adults doing their usual cackling in the room adjoining the 'dog's room'. So here I am sat next to the bloody dog downstairs on the sofa again saying 'no!' Every time he pricks his ears up when there's shouting.

For balance, when I say shouting I don't mean that they're all arguing. They just shout instead of talking. All of them. I can put up with that, but not with being called a fucking cunt by someone who is annoyed by noise, but who created the noise in the fucking first place! They'll get worse when the weather is better too. I don't really have any resolution to this other than spending half the bloody night with my hand over the dog's mouth so that they can enjoy their loud social gatherings, as I don't want to hear barking myself either!

This was such a long post basically just to ask whether I am the nuisance neighbour with the badly trained dog or whether my dog is just being a normal dog and next door should shut up.

well, they are obviously unreasonable.
But they also don't know that their noise is the cause of his barking, and even if they did, they won't stop, which doesn't solve the problem for you having to sit with the dog.

really the only solution is to train him to ignore the noise.
If that means he has to sleep somewhere else, well, so be it.

I don't have a dog (grew up with them though but never responsible for training etc), but can you even train a dog not to bark at late night disturbances? If you can...should you? Surely it's in the dog's nature to protect its home?

Anyways, no I don't think you sound like a nightmare, I think they do.

Report them for antisocial behaviour or noise pollution or whatever. You'll be sent a diary to log all the noise incidents but there probably isn't much anyone can do I'm afraid.

@SliceOfCakeCupOfTea

I don't have a dog (grew up with them though but never responsible for training etc), but can you even train a dog not to bark at late night disturbances? If you can...should you? Surely it's in the dog's nature to protect its home?

Anyways, no I don't think you sound like a nightmare, I think they do.

Report them for antisocial behaviour or noise pollution or whatever. You'll be sent a diary to log all the noise incidents but there probably isn't much anyone can do I'm afraid.

Exactly, how is it even possible to train a dog not to bark at loud noises in the middle of the night. I want him to bark at those noises! If those noises are a burglar, obviously not just my drunk neighbours.

I'm assuming you live in a semi? Start a noise diary. When I lived in a flat, the council advised this- date, time, type of noise, stop time etc. They said that if things get worse, they could install a noise monitoring device to check dB levels of the neighbours noise to see it it was outside regulated levels at certain times at night.

A barking dog in the middle of the night can be incredibly annoying, but equally, people being so loud at night to provoke the dog is bloody annoying also. Not to mention their rudeness and language!

The noises are regular and consistantly coming from next door. they are not random loud noises in the night.
So yes, you can train him to ignore anything outside of the house.
As soon as a noise comes from somethign in the house, he will react.

But if the dog is sleeping not against the loud wall, and possibly close to you, he is much less likely to react

I don’t know the first thing about training dogs, but the obvious thing here is to tell your neighbour that the dog is only barking in response to their noise. No noise from them, no barking.

They sound awful and if I were you I’d be threatening them with your own reports. It’s not acceptable to swear and scream, and doubly so when they’re making noise themselves. They seem to be holding you to a completely different standard of behaviour.

Neighbours are bu, I wouldn’t be trying to keep the dog quiet when they are the cause of the barking and being abusive towards you. As soon as they stay quiet so will the dog.

Continue to ignore the crazy as much as possible it’s awful to be landed with shit neighbours

You need to diarise everything. I imagine if they’re that loud and obnoxious, it’s not just you they’re pissing off. Can you find out if there are other neighbours they have harassed?

Oh my god it is like I've written this post myself!!!!!

We have had the exact same situation! Live next door to the neighbours from hell.
I hear every single thing they do. Constant arguing, shouting, friends over, their dog howling, scratching and barking. We have never said a word, just put up with it silently.

One night they had the audacity to come round and have a go at my puppy for barking whilst we went out for an hour and a half and threatened to report us to the council!! Our dogs bark so rarely that our other (lovely) neighbours didn't even realise we had dogs for months and months after we moved in!! Our dogs are also never left unattended so we really do know how rare it is for them to bark. Their barking is set off by next doors dog 9/10 times too.

You are absolutely not being unreasonable in the slightest. I really, really feel for you x

You have my utmost sympathy OP.

I know what you mean about the shouting. My neighbour cannot speak in a normal voice, she shouts and screeches like a bloodyb fog horn. I can hear her all the time through the walls. Every time she gets out of a taxi the whole street knows she's home 🙄
I can hear every word of her phone conversations.
Now every time I hear her voice it sets every one of my nerves on edge.

I think your neighbours are the nightmares, not you.

If it was me, I would stick a note through your door saying that the dog is barking because he can hear all the loud noises. You have to sit with him and constantly calm him and this just isn't sustainable going forward. If they can try harder to avoid the noises late at night, you can try putting your dog to sleep in a different room and maybe you and the dog won't hear them and they won't hear the dog.

After that if it keeps happening, get some earplugs and either put music on loud enough that the dog can't hear them and stops barking, OR go to bed and let the dog do what dogs do.

I'd also photograph the note so if anyone ever says anything (council or whatever) you have proof that you've done everything you can to resolve it amicably.

@steppemum

The noises are regular and consistantly coming from next door. they are not random loud noises in the night. So yes, you can train him to ignore anything outside of the house. As soon as a noise comes from somethign in the house, he will react.

But if the dog is sleeping not against the loud wall, and possibly close to you, he is much less likely to react

They actually were random noises in the middle of the night last night. He had just started being incredibly loud in the garden after an evening of relative silence. The dog doesn't bark at their usual annoying day to day stuff, or he would be barking day and night. Maybe they should train themselves to talk without shouting.

Op the house next door to me was bought to rent out 12 years ago and since that day I have no end of shitty neighbors like you describe. Fortunately the latest couple are now bliss thank god!!!

So here is how I removed and got to move all my crappy neighbors in the past. Shit neighbors are going to cause issues no matter how you handle it until you put your foot down and show you won't take any more crap.

First get CCTV and record everything, if they don't like it tough, usually they do because they now know you can prove what they do. If they shout abuse like he did and you have it recorded that's intimidation and the police will act.

It will also allow you to prove your dog does not bark if they put false claims in and prevents them causing mischief to your property.

Send them a polite letter , detailing the issues and how they are affecting your enjoyment of your home and send it recorded and keep a copy. Usually they get better for a few months at least.

If they shout at you or abuse you in your own home that's threatening and/or intimidation call the police EVERY time. You then have a record.

After 2 separate reports of antisocial behaviour the police can enforce them to comply with anti social behaviour orders.

The end of the day the more you try to appease them and don't stand up to their behaviour they will get worse. I have learned that.

People only stop when they are afraid of the consequences.

Awful neighbours are the worst. Can you move?
I found there was no point doing noise diaries/council interventions as it just ups the hostility between you and them. And you have to declare it when you sell.

We gave up and moved away from our terrible, noisy neighbours.

The people I feel sorry for are your other neighbours. They have to hear one set of loud shouters, one barking dog.

Sorry but everyone sucks here. You don't need a noisy dog to protect you from burglars, cctv and so on can do that. If you can train him to be quiet you should.

I fully agree with the last post and disagree with the previous one. These sorts of people don’t care If you report their behaviour, it’ll just make matters worse and can escalate into violence sometimes too.

I so feel for you, had awful neighbours twice and it was hell. They were up all night banging doors, shouting not talking, music, out shouting at the top of their voice for their dog at 3m. Not caring that I was up at 7am while they were in bed all day. Some people just are idiots and scum and chavy and do not care as think it is their right to do what they want. I would have shouted back at them last night it was your noise that woke us up and of course my dog is going to bark if hears all that racket at 12am in garden. I would contact the noise team and talk to them. Do not let them intimidate you. I used to be like that afraid to stand up for myself as hard when is a gang of them and they are just loud and abusive. Now in peri menopause will not let anyone walk over me.Wish had been like this years ago. Keep a diary of all the times of the noise also and would ring to complain about them. Can you have the dog sleep in your room for a while. Any way also you can move, as people like that just get worse and worse. They do it on purpose, what kind of a person can be like that knowing they are annoying others and take joy out of it. Hope something gets sorted.

@Mummy1608

The people I feel sorry for are your other neighbours. They have to hear one set of loud shouters, one barking dog.

Sorry but everyone sucks here. You don't need a noisy dog to protect you from burglars, cctv and so on can do that. If you can train him to be quiet you should.

Nobody can hear my barking dog except for me, and the noisy neighbours. And even they have only heard him twice! And he wouldn't bark if there was nothing to bark at.

I didn't say I got the dog for security! I just said that I don't particularly have an issue with his instinct to bark at strange noises in the night. When it's necessary.

Have you tried recording their noise and playing it back to them?

Our neighbours aren’t unpleasant but make so much noise it makes my dog bark - they slam their front door so that it makes our house shake. I’ve stopped trying to stop my dog barking in that instance: they aren’t stupid, they will know it’s them that makes the dog bark as the dog barks when then make the noise. They could be quieter but they don’t care. It’s not rocket science. Your neighbours also know they are creating the barking, they are just cunts so being horrible to you.

To be honest, if I was you and the barking at night bothered me, i would change where the dog sleeps - I would likely bring it to bed with me. But I think you can also just learn to ignore the barking yourself and think “fuck you” to the neighbours.

I would keep a noise diary of their shouting etc and show your dog reacting to them, not just randomly barking, for the council or for any impending fines you fear of. Or get a recording device and record their noise and then simply post it through their letter box.

You can train your dog not to bark incessantly. Mine might go outside and bark at night but come straight back in. They're more likely to run out and check things out without barking as I hate barking. However, it's also important that they know they can bark, as they are a good deterrent.

I've just consistently called them inside if barking outside. If they want to stay out they use their eyes not their voices. The little westie is attitude plus and grumbles away at times on the couch.

That said, they bailed someone up on the roof one year. Neighbour was testing a remote control toy they'd gotten for their kid and crashed it on my front roof. Dogs were going off like a frog on a sock. Got a very meek apology and dogs got lots of praise for being tough guard dogs.

Report them for going over your boundary lines with their drive. Your deeds and land registry docs will show it properly marked out.

They sound horrible. I'm not even sure how you can point out to them that it's their noise that sets your dog off. I'm sure your dog finds it as stressful as you do.

Have you reported them to the council for noise? Keep a diary.

I've just consistently called them inside if barking outside

This wouldn't work with my dog unfortunately. He looks out the window all day and will bark every time he sees a cat or a dog. You have to drag him by the dollar every time to the hallway and shut him in until he stops. Shouting at him or telling him no etc won't stop. And now he's got smart and will paw the handle so he can get out, so you shut him in again. He gets let out when he has stopped but it doesn't change his behaviour.