To think im not made to survive

[Mammyloveswine]

I love a disaster film (dont judge me) but omg in real life id be shit..Reasons here:

I cant drive so wouldnt be able to make my escape...

I wear contacts so in a plane crash/boat capsize id be blind...

I have zero upper body strength to cling on to a building....

And as for this... m.youtube.com/watch?v=xITzTrFFopQ i could NOT throw my kids over a roof 😱😱😱😱😱

Please reassure me im not the only one?

@RonObvious

It's the random little things that get me. I'm still haunted by the scene in Castaway where he knocks his own tooth out with a rock. I just don't think I could do that. I haven't watched 127 hours for the same reason - it would freak me out too much, as I know I wouldn't be able to do the same if I were in that situation. Brrr!

I was just thinking about 127 hours!! Mind its like those films where people go diving in underwater caves and shit...i wouldnt be doing that in the first place so id be quite safe then...

Also prime has a rather morbid show on called 1000 ways to die which i admit is strangely addictive...

I think I'd just give up, curl up in to a ball, and wait for death in any sort of tough situation. I completely understand.
You know the movie Cast Away with Tom Hanks? I've always said if I was on that plane when it crashed in a storm in to the Pacific ocean, I'd just go down with it. I'd think - whats the point in trying to get up to the surface? In this weather and miles from anywhere? Bugger it, I'll just drown instead. No fighting spirit in me!

I have the mental resilience - I can easily skip breakfast and just get by on coffee and bags of common sense - I always know the girl running in a horror film should be doing something else and I'd never drop the knife right next to the hand of Michael Myers but, alas, I have zero fitness.

Nah! I'd just turn and face my death. I'm 60 and too fat to run very far.
Hopefully I'd be able to bravely save a young child before my untimely death.

For me it would vary greatly depending on where I am at in my cycle and time of life. At the moment I'm pretty dozy-headed, bumping into walls, tripping over nothing, and slow of brain = easy pickings, but the week before ovulation used to always be a peak of my physical strength. I think I would have to specialise in creating a safe haven for menopausal women, a witches' commune surrounded by forests and wolves.

(I don't think I've got that comma right)

I'm not sure my main skills of admin and filing would be particularly helpful post-zombie apocalypse but if we do want to keep a record of the last survivors I'm happy to organise the paperwork. Other than that I can grow veg, forage, am good at hiding and I'm generally invisible to other people so could do the trips out for supplies.

*Skipping would really confuse the zombies, I can just see their puzzled zombie faces now. If we had the treadmills suggested up thread and then skipping in shifts, I'm sure that would keep the doors clear.

SEE SO-CALLED PALS? I'M WORTH SAVING!*

@MaChienEstUnDick Absolutely you're worth saving, I need someone to skip with!

groovergirl great! We'll not go thirsty :)

GnomeDePlume brilliant! I'm hoping that that is a brewing beer skill you are bringing along!

Mammyloveswine no good asking me to direct the cleaver/knife for you because I'm not looking.

@Newyearcalavicci
I'm sure you'd have some useful skills to add

@dudsville

For me it would vary greatly depending on where I am at in my cycle and time of life. At the moment I'm pretty dozy-headed, bumping into walls, tripping over nothing, and slow of brain = easy pickings, but the week before ovulation used to always be a peak of my physical strength. I think I would have to specialise in creating a safe haven for menopausal women, a witches' commune surrounded by forests and wolves.

(I don't think I've got that comma right)

That comma is right, but it's an apostrophe

If there is any use for punctuation advice after the apocalypse, I'm your woman other than that I am fuck all use

..unless you actually meant the comma

I can drive but you'd need to be able to steal a car and start it without the key so I'd be fucked. I think I'd just let myself get caught by zombies and become one myself so I didn't have to bother!

I often think this about going to prison or a society without police. Some people would be fine-I would not be!

@ihavespoken

..unless you actually meant the comma

No, I meant the apostrophe! Thanks. I'll head back to my hidden retreat.

I love a disaster film! I think I'd be quite practical up to a point. I could fly a small plane at a push and am okay with a bow and arrow as long as I have time to go back to my house to get them . But I can't run for toffee.

If you're interested in survival/ swimming/ climbing / going missing type stories, search MrBallen on YouTube - he has loads of stories about people going cave diving or going missing in the woods and what happened to them.

If a Zombie apocalypse had happened this time last year, I would have ended up as the Queen of any survivors due to the murderous and weaponised skills of BastardCat. He had an integral pouch stuffed with everything from Shuriken to Tony Blair's imagined weapons of mass destruction and would have kept all ravening hordes at bay. I'm sure any sane citizens would have been happy to kowtow and stand by me - secure in the knowledge of the all round protection of BastardCat. Unfortunately, he dropped dead almost a year ago b to the day. I now have the most loving LittleBeast. In the event of a Zombie apocalypse, I would hope I could fend them off with succulent bits of my bum brain in order to let LittleBeast get away. I'll have the last laugh anyway; everyone knows Zombies are fu£&ed by a good old Gin raddled Liver!

I could probably kill a person if it was them or me. Or if my children were in mortal danger.

Could't kill a fish or a rabbit. Or even a fly!
So assuming that lentils are in short supply after the zombie apocalypse, I'd die slowly from starvation.