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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who pays?

48 replies

gingerscot · 22/02/2022 17:27

Quick back story: my mum is carer for an elderly relative. Currently said relative is attending hospital daily for treatment. Elderly relative has mobility issues and usually doesn’t leave the house. My sister’s car is the easiest for elderly relative to manoeuvre in and out of, so mum has been using that.

Mum now has Covid. I’ve been taking over caring duties, so I’m driving sister’s car.

Yesterday car got a flat tyre on way home from hospital. Who pays for new tyre?

I say, I was driving, I pay. Sister says it’s her car and she’s responsible for upkeep, so she pays. My mum says I was doing her a favour, she’s paying. My elderly relative says it happened during caring duties so they want to pay. Money is pinging around ad we keep transferring it around.

So MN jury - who pays???

OP posts:
MoiraNotRuby · 22/02/2022 17:29

Wow you are all so NICE. Whoever has least money worries could pay.

DinosaurDuvet · 22/02/2022 17:29

Lol your all so nice!

Probably the driver, was it a result of something you ran over?

TidyDancer · 22/02/2022 17:30

Agree whoever can most afford it should pay. Otherwise just split the cost four ways?

RunningAlong · 22/02/2022 17:30

If everyone is happy to pay split it 3 ways

Tinkywinkydinkydoo · 22/02/2022 17:31

You all sound lovely. Maybe split it 1/4 each if everyone is insisting?

IsThisNameTaken · 22/02/2022 17:31

Makes a change that everyone wants to pay! Depends if it was just an unlucky flat or careless driving that caused it. But either you or Dsis should pay I think.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 22/02/2022 17:31

I'd say your mum is exempt as she seems to shoulder the burden of care, Nan shouldn't pay as its not her fault. Be nice if you and sister could share the cost, but then if sister is having wear and tear on her car it would be nice for you to just sort it.

I'd have sorted it (and paid) before returning the car so it couldn't be debated.

HTH1 · 22/02/2022 17:33

Agree you all sound very nice. If they comfortably have enough money, I would say the relative being cared for.

Fifthtimelucky · 22/02/2022 17:33

I agree that it's nice that everyone wants to pay.

In this case I'd let the elderly relative pay (assuming they could afford it) because the journey was done for their benefit.

Chocoqueen · 22/02/2022 17:37

This made me smile!

Who pays for petrol/parking etc? If your mum/elderly relative does then I'd say not them? Or one of you pays the others put the equivalent amount into a kitty for a nice meal together/other costs/give to charity?

Original poster
gingerscot · 22/02/2022 17:38

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz that was my initial plan! Sort it out and no one be any the wiser. However I had to get my dad to get the wheel off - it had seized a bit. And had to ring sister to see where she was hiding the wheel nut unlocky thing. And oldie was in the car!

My parents have the most money, but I agree, the least responsibility, and I’m kinda glad my mum is getting a break from caring, even if it is due to Covid. She’s retired and sis and I work full time so she does feel the weight of the caring unfortunately.

My sister and I are both ok for cash, not rolling in it, by any means, but it won’t mean we can’t eat either.

I like the idea of splitting it. I’ll put that one to them. Sis and I are both “so bloody independent” as my mother likes to say. Thankfully she has my 41 year old brother to baby 😂

OP posts:
Original poster
gingerscot · 22/02/2022 17:42

Fuel is another contention. I’m staying out of that one though. Parking so fine - disabled badge and out local hospital doesn’t charge anyway.

That’s a good point though, I haven’t paid for fuel so I can pay for tyre!!!!

You’re helping me win 😂

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 22/02/2022 17:45

I like the idea of splitting it. I’ll put that one to them.

How did that not occur to you though, given that everyone wants to pay?

Original poster
gingerscot · 22/02/2022 17:54

Mainly because we’re all stubborn. I feel responsible because I was driving (very sensibly, wasn’t due to carelessness.)

Sister keeps saying her car is her responsibility but someone else has a good point that there is wear and tear on her car already from the additional driving so she’s already paying more inadvertently. I’m going to use that argument!

Mum just knows she has most cash and would rather they use it while they’re alive to help us all out, than leave it to us in a will (parents are not in any way close to dying that we know of, they’re pretty well off and we won’t take their cash, so they like to use this argument whenever they can.)

OP posts:
Hankunamatata · 22/02/2022 17:56

Car owner. But since you all want to pay split it 4 ways?

Jamnation · 22/02/2022 18:01

Let your mum pay for it, and you and your sister take her out for a nice meal with your tyre budget.

Eightiesfan · 22/02/2022 18:02

What a nice surprise, I thought this post was going to be completely different. You and your family sound lovely!

HelloKeith · 22/02/2022 18:09

Keep the money next time it's in your account and buy everyone some chocolate or something.

rookiemere · 22/02/2022 18:28

Let your DM pay. She's the most well off and she's getting a well needed break by not doing the visiting.
I think it's lovely though that you're all fighting over who pays.

RedskyThisNight · 22/02/2022 18:31

I'd suggest relative if they can easily afford to do so. They might well appreciate the chance to do something to shown their appreciation for use of the car.

Meandthesky · 22/02/2022 18:39

I would generally say the owner of the car should pay unless it was caused by carelessness or a mistake by the driver

But if you’re all happy to pay just split it between you all.

Riapia · 22/02/2022 18:43

You need to trace the person that left the sharp item on the road.
They should pay.

sadpapercourtesan · 22/02/2022 18:45

Pool all the money everyone is insisting on paying, get the tyre, spend the rest on a posh afternoon tea to celebrate how lovely you all are Grin

Dibbydoos · 22/02/2022 18:46

How lovely you all are, but I'm voting sister as its her car.

Keep being lovely with each other. 💕

cptartapp · 22/02/2022 18:49

Elderly relative. Does she give you petrol money?