To want a little more sleep?

[TiredTess]

DH has decided he wants to get up at a regular time everyday and now gets up (since the new year) at 6am everyday (used to get up at 6.30 on weekdays, whenever he liked at weekend, normally between 8 and 10). He goes straight in the shower, which wakes me up and I can’t get back to sleep.

I have tried earplugs (even though I hate them in case I can’t hear the kids) but the shower still wakes me.

On weekdays I would need to get up at 6.30 anyway so not a massive deal but I’m exhausted by the weekend and would love a bit more sleep then. The kids sleep until about 8!

I have spoken to DH about this and asked if at least he could leave showering till later at the weekend, but he says that wakes him up and is an important part of the routine and I should go to bed earlier if I’m tired. I go to bed about 10 normally.

I feel tired that I can’t think straight so I’m probably being really selfish. But AIBU to think he should shower later at least one day on the weekend?

If your sleep between 10pm and 6am is good quality, it shouldn’t be a problem: that’s 8 hours, which is plenty for most people. I’m am early riser too, so I’m sort of on your DH’s side.

It sounds like he has decided it would be best for you to have the same routine as him and he is doing it by stealth.

He is being totally selfish but there's not really a lot you can do turn the boiler off before you go to bed or put itching powder in his shower gel

No reason why he can’t shower later he’s being completely selfish x

He's being selfish.
Do you have more than one bathroom?

Maybe he should go for a run at 6am to wake himself up. And shower when he gets back

It can be an important part of his routine at 6.30 instead.

He's being a dick. Of course he should not be waking you at 6 on a weekend. How selfish.

He is being selfish and dictating when you sleep. Try having a nice noisy shower at midnight, he’ll soon get the message.

He's being so selfish.

I guess it's not the 'healthy' thing to do in a relationship, but I would absolutely be starting my own routine of showering at (insert time he's been asleep around 30 minutes in the evening) every day, even if it made me completely exhausted for a while.

But actually, more seriously, he's telling you that he has got absolutely no respect for you and your needs. Is he like this in other areas too?

Urgh he is being very selfish. Why does his desire for early waking and a shower trump your need for more sleep? I assume there is no way around it e.g. spare bedroom, another bathroom? He really needs to compromise.

Also it's not as easy as going to bed early. I need 9 hours in bed to get 8 hours asleep. I wouldn't want to go to bed at 9pm every night just to get up at 6am!

I'm a strong believer in getting up early every day too (I get up at 5!) but I try not to wake up DP in the process, just because I feel I shouldn't impose on him.

I’d burst him.

I get up at 6/6.30 everyday myself too but I literally go to the loo and scurry downstairs quickly and quietly until the rest of the house wakes up. Wouldn’t have a shower that early unless I had to go somewhere.

He shouldn’t dictate when you sleep.

However you are getting 8 hours sleep every night. How are you getting so little sleep that you can’t think straight?

He sounds incredibly selfish. In what world is it reasonable to wake someone who has said they don’t want to be woken at 6 am on a weekend? Especially when you’re supposed to care for that person.

It would drive me berserk- that the treat of a weekend for me, a chance to stay up a bit later and sleep til a bit later. I’m a night owl and can’t change this.

I would definitely be starting my own routine of reading with the light on, having a shower etc until later than he wants to go to bed in the evening. If you have a spare room a better alternative would be to move into it. For me this would be like torture and LTB territory, although I appreciate this might seem extreme!

@ThroughThickAndThin01

He shouldn’t dictate when you sleep.

However you are getting 8 hours sleep every night. How are you getting so little sleep that you can’t think straight?

Going to bed at 10 doesn't generally mean asleep immediately and remain asleep for the full 8 hours. Say... 30 mins to fall asleep, wake once or twice in the night for another 20-30 mind each time (it varies from person to person). Over time that adds up. Also if you're tired and stressed to begin with, your quality of sleep will be worse.

Fair enough.

I speak as someone who spends wayyy to much time thinking about sleep and doing lonely sleep maths in the middle of the night.

Your 'd' h is a selfish bastard. Yes it's HIS routine but not yours and if the dc's wake at 8am then you should be able to stay in bed until then. How dare he do this? What is he generally like in other areas of your life op?

I am getting more ragey the more I think about this actually. So after his shower, what does he do and why does he need you there? Also what happens if you want to stay up later of a weekend - for example going for drinks or the theatre or just staying in with Netflix? Is there any room for manoeuvre or is it just his way?

He's selfish. I am an early riser but DH likes to sleep in a bit at the weekend. I wouldn't do anything that would deliberately wake him up like shower.

Thats selfish and quite controlling of him. I don't know what the solution as he does sound like he's prepared to compromise.

@FourEyesGood

Some people like a lay in and more than 8 hours? I get up at 6/7 in the week but I have one night a week where my child goes to his fathers and I sleep 11/12pm 10-11am and I love it. HATE getting up at 6.

He is being so selfish id he fuming at him ??? I’d find a way to turn the water off that’s how angry I’d be.