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AIBU?

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Original poster

Lending money to friends

39 replies

1stevernamechange · 21/02/2022 09:20

To give some context, there are three people, A,B and C. B and C are in a relationship and are both close friends with A.
B is setting up his own business, and in September, asked A to lend them £300 for an unexpected insurance bill. A at that time wasn’t too bad for money so happily lent it. B replied that they would set up instalments to pay it back ASAP. A then told B that there was no rush.
It was never mentioned again, A went on many shopping trips with B where B spent a lot of money on their hobby, Christmas came, and A told B and C how money was getting tough and that they were in their overdraft by a lot.
A spoke to C to ask how they should broach the subject of the loan with B , as it had not been mentioned, C replied to find a quiet moment and ask it B had remembered. A got nervous each time as they didn’t want to make B feel awkward, and had received some money, so it wasn’t as urgent a situation now.
B found out that A had talked to C about it ( even though B had told C about the loan at the time) and was angry and upset and now isn’t talking to A, saying they will pay it in full this week, even though A has told them they do not need to.
AIBU to think that B should have spoken to A in the meantime to say that the loan hasn’t been forgotten?

OP posts:
ThatsNotMyGolem · 21/02/2022 09:22

Neither a borrower nor a lender be! It's a recipe for disaster.

Chamomileteaplease · 21/02/2022 09:23

I can't keep up with the story but moral of any story like this - never lend money and say there is no rush to give it back Shock. Big mistake.

I hope others can understand your tale and help.

violetbunny · 21/02/2022 09:25

I think A and B are both at fault for not communicating better with one another. A should have set a clear timeframe for when they expected to be paid back by. B sounds like they have taken the piss a bit though, and probably should have clarified what was really meant by "no rush" and has overreacted to A approaching C. If I were B I would be a bit mortified that A felt so uncomfortable when they had done me a favour in the first place.

girlmom21 · 21/02/2022 09:25

A needs to stop saying the money doesn't matter and just get it back.

B and C need to communicate. Why would C not just tell B to hurry up and pay it back when A had made their situation clear?

B is a dick and their business won't last if they're being arsey about such a small amount of money that they asked to borrow.

romdowa · 21/02/2022 09:25

B needs to pay a back and it doesn't matter who a told about the loan and the failure to repay b is a bit of a cf

BennieAndBert · 21/02/2022 09:28

A needs to be less wet. She should never had said there was no rush to repay and should have simply asked for the money when she wanted it without involving C.

Generally lending money to friends is a recipe for disaster and that goes double when you're not just open and straightforward about things.

Mindymomo · 21/02/2022 09:28

Yes, in hindsight A should have spoken to B direct and not to C. Also any money loaned should be explained when you want the money paid back.

IsDaveThere · 21/02/2022 09:30

A should stop saying the money doesn't matter and ask for it back. And A shouldn't have gone to C to discuss the loan, it's nothing to do with them. If I was B, I wouldn't be very happy if you had gone to my partner behind my back rather than just ask me directly when I was going to repay you!

SallyWD · 21/02/2022 09:32

I lent my friend money but made sure we agreed how and when it was paid back. It was paid back in monthly installments. I think it was a big mistake to say "There's no rush" to pay it back. That's too vague and casual and gives the message that you aren't that bothered about the money.

BarbaraofSeville · 21/02/2022 09:32

B is taking the piss if they are spending lots of money on a hobby while they owe A money.

Whether A needs the money back or has said anything about not being in a rush is irrelevant. B clearly has spare money and should have paid A back as soon as they were able.

WouldIwasShookspeared · 21/02/2022 09:32

A should have simply asked b to repay the money.

LIZS · 21/02/2022 09:34

It was between A and B, why involve C? A needs to give a deadline for repayment rather than hint.

MrsTimRiggins · 21/02/2022 09:35

A sounds like they are a bit bloody hopeless tbh. It obviously does matter and they do want paying back so god knows why they keep saying it doesn’t and it’s fine and ‘oh don’t worry’ etc.
B is a bit of a CF. You pay back debts before you spend on luxuries.
C is just here for the party.
The moral of the story, as my auld granfer would say, is never a borrower nor lender be (‘because people take the piss’)

spacehardware · 21/02/2022 09:38

Agree with the others, why does A keep saying "no rush" when clearly they do want the money back pronto?

A is being wet, B is taking the piss, C shouldn't be involved in these discussions.

CareBear50 · 21/02/2022 09:38

Why not use fake names. I hate posts with A B C....can never rem who is who. So no idea

cadburyegg · 21/02/2022 09:43

I transferred £500 to a friend before Christmas. Technically it's a loan because that was the only way she would agree to it but I doubt I'll ever get it back, so in my head it's a gift and if I ever see it again it'll be a bonus. I don't lend money, I found that out the hard way once. It's the only way to do it and maintain the friendship if the person then can't repay for whatever reason.

The person who lent money needs to make peace with not getting it back.

girlmom21 · 21/02/2022 09:45

@CareBear50

Why not use fake names. I hate posts with A B C....can never rem who is who. So no idea
Just pretend that their names are A, B and C then
Thewindwhispers · 21/02/2022 09:58

B has no right to be angry! They should have paid or back as soon as they had the money, not gone off shopping for hobby. It’s irrelevant that A said ‘no rush’ that was just A being polite.

A shouldn’t have spoken to C about it, wouod have been better for A just to remind B. But B should not have needed reminding!

C shouldn’t have got involved…

As for B ‘not speaking’ to A wtf! B has zero chance of running a successful new business if B can’t manage to get on with a helpful old friend.

Sounds like everyone is age 12.

Ttcfinalbub · 21/02/2022 10:21

Mixed messages and damaged egos.
A should have set out repayment right from the start. ' don't worry about it puts everyone in an unknown situ '
A should have spoke to b directly .. b possibly felt embarrassed by a going to c instead.. making it seem like b wasn't approachable.

B should have just paid it off to get the air clear
B should not be stroppy if a was a good enough freind to lend money it should be a good enough friendship to survive paying it back !

A b nor c should lend money to freinds

duvetdayforeveryone · 21/02/2022 10:26

I couldn't understand what you wrote on a Monday morning.

All I know is you don't lend to friends or family. You either give them the money as a gift or say no.
If you said no, for £300 they could have put it on a credit card or sold belongings.

NoSquirrels · 21/02/2022 10:31

A should not lend any money at all if they can’t bring up the subject of repayment without ‘feeling awkward’. A shouldn’t have discussed it with C if it wasn’t a joint loan.

B should have repaid the loan quicker.

C didn’t do anything.

ChimChimeny · 21/02/2022 10:32

Also hinting with people like B clearly isn't going to work as they are a C.F. and don't really want to repay the money.

A needs to be much more assertive, even if it's a text rather than face to face and say they need the money back by friday, no apology, pussy footing around or hints

BlingLoving · 21/02/2022 10:35

A is being an idiot.

When B offered to set up a payment plan, A should have accepted that. Or, if A did NOT accept that, A had no right to then be a bit twitchy about not being paid.

When A needed the money, A should have been mature enough to say to B, "hey B, can we talk about that instalment plan now as I really do need the money with all the Christmas expenses."

And A now telling B that the money is not needed is ridiculous. A has made a song and dance about the money.

Having said all that, B should have just bloody paid it back without needing to be asked. And should have ignored A's passive aggressive, "no no, I don't need you to pay now".

KindredKeely · 21/02/2022 10:37

A needs to stop dithering.

WHy all the mixed messasges?

You don't go into your overdraft then mix up the loan situation by saying there's no rush to give it back. Either there is or there isn't.

A thinks s/he is trying to be friendly and helpful, but isn't in a financial position to say "it doesn't matter" - yet she has been saying in words "it doesn't matter".

A needs to grow a backbone and not loan out money she can't afford to loan out, basically.

KindredKeely · 21/02/2022 10:38

p.s. if B and C were good friend,s they also wouldn't have put A in this sitaution - they should have repaid it immediately when they could. frankly it's cheeky to ask to borrow cash for something as predictable as an insurance fee anyway. it all stinks of really poor financial management, from EVERYONE involved.

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