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Original poster

Should I pay for upkeep of car?

54 replies

Snowdon564 · 21/02/2022 08:34

Don’t know if I’m being unreasonable here so would like some advice.

Back story is I’ve been with my “boyfriend” for over 15 years, we’re not married but have children and a mortgage.

We used to have a car each but after time couldn’t really afford 2 so went down to one and have been like this for about 4/5 years.

As we’ve been together so long we have both had periods where one has financially sorted the other, give and take and all that.

Recently we’ve had a falling out, we’re not married so neither of us is financially secure without the other, difference is he has family who would financially help him and I have none, I’d just be screwed.

It came to a head last month, his been stringing me along for years about marriage and I didn’t see it, I was blinded by love. I’ve recently woken up to this and feel stupid, as far as I’m concerned we have broken up (but still live together as we have children and a mortgage, he won’t leave, I can’t leave as have nowhere else to go)

I paid £1300 a year ago to fix the car, this was fine as we was together, on the same team as it where and I hadn’t realised he was stringing me along.

He says his never stringed me along, he does want to marry me (it’s been over 15 years though). The car has broken and his asking me how much money i have to help fix the car. I’ve told him I’m not fixing it, it’s his car, not mine and if anything happens to him anyway I’d loose the car as it’s not in my name and we’re not married.

Here’s the dilemma, I use the car all the time as it’s the only one we have and I run the kids about. He also could probably afford to pay for the repairs if he didn’t take me on a expensive weekend away (he never does anything with me or wants to spend time with me, our last night away was over 10 years ago, there is no romance and he makes me feel like part of the furniture and takes me for granted, this was an attempt to try and start to get things back on track, although I’m still not convinced as 1 night away and 3 meals out in 8 years won’t cut it anymore) His basically just been a boyfriend all this time and a shit one at that for the past 3 years.

Should I pay for the car to be fixed? I can afford it, but I just don’t want too, it’s not my car, but don’t know if I’m just being bitchy

OP posts:
LightfoldEngines · 21/02/2022 10:06

If you paid last time, it’s his turn to put his hand in his pocket.

OinkyO · 21/02/2022 10:08

@Snowdon564

Their not my kids, their our kids.

I work from home, I use the car but not all the time as I stated previously, I do however use it a lot to ferry the kids around. I use it just myself maybe 1-2 times a week.

He works nights and sleeps in the day so couldn’t run the kids about as his asleep to go to work at night, which is why it made sense to go down to one car anyway.

Then ask him. You have no car now basically as you're splitting up. Does he want to take the kids, lend you his car or are the kids going to miss out? I'd sort out living arrangements as soon as you can. It will be confusing for the kids.
timeisnotaline · 21/02/2022 10:11

@OinkyO

You're going to have to get your own car I think. If you've been using his as a shared one you should really pay something towards it. So I'd stop using it.
She paid 1300 for repairs last year? I’d call that contributing pretty fairly. His turn to pay for his own car.
SoupDragon · 21/02/2022 10:13

I do however use it a lot to ferry the kids around. I use it just myself maybe 1-2 times a week.

So, what are your plans for when it isn't fixed because he paid for an "expensive" weekend away?

Original poster
Snowdon564 · 21/02/2022 10:20

Well term time is over and the kids are back at school so I’m good for 5/6 weeks. He uses it for work, so he will have a car problem way before me.

I sound like a bitch, but I’m putting in and keep paying for a car that isn’t even mine! If anything happens to him or he moves out I have no car, he does!

We can’t split properly, he refuses to move out and I can’t move out as I literally have no family or nowhere to go with 2 children in toe.

OP posts:
Cognoscenti · 21/02/2022 10:20

It's probably best to get your own car, if you can. If not, it absolutely should be available to use for the kids, but not for your personal use, if it is to become his car if you split up.

girlmom21 · 21/02/2022 10:26

Does he think you're separated? Why not just suggest putting the house up for sale?

OinkyO · 21/02/2022 10:27

Oh what a nightmare for you OP.

Original poster
Snowdon564 · 21/02/2022 10:27

He does pay insurance, tax, mot, but that’s just bills, if you want to divide it like that I pay for shopping that he eats, gas and electricity that he uses etc. It’s bills, we pay 60/40 with him paying the 60 but I buy all the kids clothes, boots, uniform, days out, vet bills ect so it works out roughly even I guess.

OP posts:
ANameChangeAgain · 21/02/2022 10:28

To me paying towards the bill to give you the use of the car isn't a bad idea. Who pays the insurance and fuel, if that's you also then get him to transfer the car into your name before you pay for the repairs.

Original poster
Snowdon564 · 21/02/2022 10:30

If we put the house up for sale we walk away with about 70k each which is not enough for us to both get a place with a minimum of 2 bedrooms (the kids would need atleast one room to share). It’s stay in a large 3 bedroom in the same area and own a property that increases in value with a cheap mortgage (£600) or split and pay lots more for a smaller property that doesn’t bring us any additional value. After the 70k runs out on rent we would both be up the creek, we couldn’t afford it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Snowdon564 · 21/02/2022 10:32

Also the car is worth £1500 now, last year I paid £1300 for repairs (it was worth about 2k then but with covid we decided to just repair the car instead of getting a new one because everyone was still scared of covid and no one was really selling)

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 21/02/2022 10:38

@Snowdon564

If we put the house up for sale we walk away with about 70k each which is not enough for us to both get a place with a minimum of 2 bedrooms (the kids would need atleast one room to share). It’s stay in a large 3 bedroom in the same area and own a property that increases in value with a cheap mortgage (£600) or split and pay lots more for a smaller property that doesn’t bring us any additional value. After the 70k runs out on rent we would both be up the creek, we couldn’t afford it.
£70k is a massive deposit on a house. Presumably you both work? So you wouldn't spend £70k on rent and even if you did that's a LONG time to be housed for.
OinkyO · 21/02/2022 10:38

@Snowdon564

Also the car is worth £1500 now, last year I paid £1300 for repairs (it was worth about 2k then but with covid we decided to just repair the car instead of getting a new one because everyone was still scared of covid and no one was really selling)
Omg. It's basically your car now then!
rainbowandglitter · 21/02/2022 10:39

@Snowdon564

If we put the house up for sale we walk away with about 70k each which is not enough for us to both get a place with a minimum of 2 bedrooms (the kids would need atleast one room to share). It’s stay in a large 3 bedroom in the same area and own a property that increases in value with a cheap mortgage (£600) or split and pay lots more for a smaller property that doesn’t bring us any additional value. After the 70k runs out on rent we would both be up the creek, we couldn’t afford it.
70k is a good deposit for somewhere. Are you both able to get mortgages?
GabriellaMontez · 21/02/2022 10:39

Is the house in both your names?

If you don't need the car, I wouldn't pay for it unless it goes into both your names.

But there are other questions about your finances. It sounds quite vague.

Is your choice the weekend or the car? Can he genuinely not afford both. If the weekend is part of making up, is there a compromise? A cheaper weekend?

GabriellaMontez · 21/02/2022 10:42

I'm not sure why he thinks you should pay for the car as you paid last time and its his car.

Are you properly separated?

Shade17 · 21/02/2022 10:55

get him to transfer the car into your name before you pay for the repairs.

Do you mean make the OP the registered keeper on the V5C? That has nothing to do with the ownership of the car.

Original poster
Snowdon564 · 21/02/2022 11:16

70k is a good deposit but we wouldn’t be able to get mortgages. We both are low earners around 16-20k so we would have the deposit separately but wouldn’t be able to get a good mortgage. You won’t be getting even a 1 bed flat around here for 150k.

This is why I’m stuck here and I guess he is too. We got this mortgage ages ago and together, it’s too hard for us (impossible) to get somewhere Separate that would also provide a room for the kids to share. Right now we are in a large 3 bed and the kids have their own room. We are separated, but can’t afford to actually do it.

So complicated!!

OP posts:
RandomMess · 21/02/2022 11:24

TBH it sounds like you need to live more separately.

The DC share the largest bedroom and you and your ex have a bedroom each.

Perhaps by splitting up more properly there will be an incentive to sort out the finances properly or actually for you to resolve your differences and make the relationship work. You seem to be in a bizarre limbo at the moment.

OinkyO · 21/02/2022 11:38

@RandomMess

TBH it sounds like you need to live more separately.

The DC share the largest bedroom and you and your ex have a bedroom each.

Perhaps by splitting up more properly there will be an incentive to sort out the finances properly or actually for you to resolve your differences and make the relationship work. You seem to be in a bizarre limbo at the moment.

Good idea. Seperate bedrooms. Also dont go on this make or break holiday if you've split up.
girlmom21 · 21/02/2022 11:38

How long is left on the mortgage?

Original poster
Snowdon564 · 21/02/2022 11:41

I think about 20 years left. I’m only in this problem financially due to covid. My savings got depleted, business is picking up but slowly, so I’m starting from scratch again, pre covid this wouldn’t have all been a problem because I was earning good money

OP posts:
ChargingBuck · 21/02/2022 11:49

@OinkyO

You're going to have to get your own car I think. If you've been using his as a shared one you should really pay something towards it. So I'd stop using it.
She did. She paid £1300 to get it fixed last year. Why should she pay again? Besides - she uses the car to ferry their DC around.
girlmom21 · 21/02/2022 11:51

Are his earnings so low for the same reason?

I think separate bedrooms is a good idea.
If you're self-employed is moving to a cheaper area in 6 months feasible?