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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not OK to go for drinks with him?

28 replies

WhatIsAcceptable · 20/02/2022 15:42

AIBU to think it is not OK for a single woman to invite a married man out for drinks on his own saying it is because they are friends, when she has a crush on him (which she has told people about).

YABU - it is fine for her to do this
YANBU - it’s not fine for her to do this

OP posts:
Notimeforaname · 20/02/2022 15:45

No. She's just looking for his attention as shes openly attracted to him.

TheGirlInTheGreenDress · 20/02/2022 15:47

I’d be more upset with the married man if he accepted knowing she fancied him!

Hexagonmum · 20/02/2022 15:48

Did the married man accept invitation and go?

The single woman can do what she likes, whether she has a crush on him or not, but it's up to the man to realise where she is coming from and why she is really inviting him out.

If it was my OH I'd love to have straight away say no thanks

Windbeneathmybingowings · 20/02/2022 15:49

She can ask what she likes of who she likes. If he accepts, that’s on him.

TildaRae · 20/02/2022 15:50

Did he accept?

Rainbowqueeen · 20/02/2022 15:53

If the man is aware of the crush it is wrong for him to accept.

Original poster
WhatIsAcceptable · 20/02/2022 16:11

@Rainbowqueeen

If the man is aware of the crush it is wrong for him to accept.
I’m interested in whether people think the woman’s behaviour is acceptable, but I’ve created a thread to see what people think the man should do www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4486681-Not-ok-for-him-to-go-for-a-drink-with-her?watched=1
OP posts:
Grida · 20/02/2022 16:16

The man is the one who is married. If she went on a mega campaign to try to have him, it would be a bit off.

DiddyHeck · 20/02/2022 16:17

Her behaviour is irrelevant here.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 20/02/2022 16:18

Well she can ask but he shouldn’t accept if he knows about the crush

She’s foolish to ask but he’d be the one who is reprehensible if he goes

Momicrone · 20/02/2022 16:20

Are you the single woman?

WallaceinAnderland · 20/02/2022 16:24

She can do what she wants, she's single. He, on the other hand, is not.

FelicityPike · 20/02/2022 16:26

She’s fine to ask……he’s right to refuse.

blacksax · 20/02/2022 16:36

There's a name for women who throw themselves at married men like this.

It's on the tip of my tongue...

InFiveMins · 20/02/2022 16:36

She's absolutely fine to ask him. As the married man it's for him to decide if he wants to go or not, and to have control of his own actions whilst out having a drink with her.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 20/02/2022 16:39

Does the man know she fancies him?

Not right for her to ask him to go for drinks alone imo, yes she is single and can do what she wants but it sounds like she wants to make a move on him which is morally bad.

If he accepts knowing she fancies him, he's a dick who obviously gets off on the attention and is being disrespectful to his wife.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 20/02/2022 16:39

@blacksax

There's a name for women who throw themselves at married men like this.

It's on the tip of my tongue...

What is this name and is there one for men too?
WonderfulYou · 20/02/2022 16:44

YABU

I go out for drinks with married men all of the time.

If he thinks she fancies him and he still accepts the invite then he obviously fancies her.

Missnataliex · 20/02/2022 16:48

@WhatIsAcceptable

AIBU to think it is not OK for a single woman to invite a married man out for drinks on his own saying it is because they are friends, when she has a crush on him (which she has told people about).

YABU - it is fine for her to do this
YANBU - it’s not fine for her to do this

YANBU - especially if she's got a crush on him! My OH has a girl best friend and that doesn't phase me. But it would be a different story if there was a crush/previous crush!
Itloggedmeoutagain · 20/02/2022 16:51

Is the married man your husband?

BobMortimersPetOwl · 20/02/2022 16:52

As with most things, it depends on the context.

Why has she asked him? How long have they been friends? What sort of place has she invited him to? When? Does he know she has a crush on him? Has she ever done anything which has been close to the line? Is this a new thing or have they socialised together before?

It's OK to have a crush on someone. It doesn't mean you're going to act upon it.

Gowithme · 20/02/2022 16:57

She might be single but that doesn't mean it's acceptable for her to invite a married man to drinks on what would basically be a date. It's really not fine for her to behave that way and I can't imagine how low your self esteem would have to be to think that you want someone else's cheat of a husband.

Tothemoonandbackx · 20/02/2022 16:58

@WonderfulYou on your own though??? And do you fancy the married men you go drinking with???

DetailMouse · 20/02/2022 17:11

She's misguided and setting herself up for a while world of hurt but hasn't essentially done anything wrong.

WonderfulYou · 20/02/2022 17:20

on your own though??? And do you fancy the married men you go drinking with???

Yes always on my own.
And no I don’t fancy them although I’m not sure if they or their wife thinks I do (I would hope not).