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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think you don’t get this upset over a forgotten birthday?

36 replies

youhadmeatjello · 19/02/2022 20:25

Have known best friend for 25 years. Have never missed a birthday, always pop something in the post to him if I’m not going to see him.

This year DS was poorly, then we’ve all got Covid and I completely forgot. He was messaging on his birthday and I was messaging back and didn’t acknowledge It because I’d forgotten.
Then he was asking if I’d missed something and I didn’t understand and eventually he said it was his birthday. I apologised immediately and said truthfully I’d lost all sense of time but he said he was a bit offended.

Since then he hasn’t responded to any of my messages and a couple of mutual friends told me he’s really upset about it and has been saying how I never make an effort with him anymore. He finally messaged me back and said he was still hurt and it was just going to “take a bit of time” and was asking how I was going to make it up to him (not in a joking way) I haven’t replied because wtf.

It’s one birthday. One. In 25 years! I wouldn’t mind but he’s forgotten mine in the past and I didn’t kick up a fuss about it.

Tbh it’s made me think a lot less of him and I’m now a bit annoyed myself. But I am feeling very grim, poor DS keeps getting an awful fever and is suffering with Covid, and I think my patience is very limited!

AIBU to think he’s blown this out of proportion?

OP posts:
MooseBreath · 19/02/2022 20:28

... he's an adult? I can't imagine getting worked up about this. Are you someone who loves their birthday and spends a week celebrating? It might be annoying if you are and forgot his, but certainly nothing to be upset enough about to require forgiveness.

PolkaSpace · 19/02/2022 20:28

I'd message back and say you have enough on your plate what with having covid and he's acting like he is 9 not 29 or however old he is.

Dishwashersaurous · 19/02/2022 20:30

I suspect that he is feeling upset that he is not top of your priority list. For example, no matter how busy life is you wouldn't forget your child birthday.

He obviously thinks that he should be more important in your life.

HeadToToesNo · 19/02/2022 20:32

He sounds like a big old bag of drama and he needs to grow up. You've done nothing wrong, and frankly I think he ought to be more supportive of you going a hard time.

ErickBroch · 19/02/2022 20:32

YANBU. My best friends have 'forgotten' my bday before and realised later on in the day. Couldn't care less.

MadMadMadamMim · 19/02/2022 20:34

I'd be tempted to text back, I have a sick child, who is my current priority. Also have Covid. Might take me a bit of time to get over Birthdaygate drama, to be honest. Feeling a bit shit that me being ill isn't concerning you.

BendingSpoons · 19/02/2022 20:34

I'd be tempted to reply 'still waiting for my birthday message/present from 2018. Do you want to sort that first or just call it quits?'

I wouldn't actually send it, but might point out I'm not the first one to forget. Something like 'I made allowances when you forgot my birthday in 2018. I hope you can extend the same courtesy back to me'.

CandyLeBonBon · 19/02/2022 20:37

Oh ffs he sounds like a right brat!

WhatTheWhoTheWhatThe · 19/02/2022 20:38

I would tell him to do one to be honest. You’ve apologised and you have a lot going on. He sounds pathetic

tearinghairout · 19/02/2022 20:38

Does he have anyone else who will remember it's his birthday? If not, I can understand why he felt down. But OTOH you had your reasons for forgetting, and he should accept them. I forgot my best friend's birthday this year. First time in 12 years. It was two days before I remembered. Similar reasons to yours. Thankfully she understood!

PenguinBarnotBird · 19/02/2022 20:39

Well he sounds very immature, I wouldn’t bother replying either. What a drama llama

Veryverycalmnow · 19/02/2022 20:40

Oh dear, how dramatic! He obviously needs to get over it. I've noticed people being slightly more dramatic about special occasions since more and more restrictions have been lifted and I wondered if it was because people wanted an extra big celebration or whatever. However, everyone forgets a birthday every now and then. I'd ignore his behaviour for a bit and hopefully he'll realise he's been silly and get in touch. Then you can talk about how stressful it has been and hopefully he'll apologise for being a dick.

Original poster
youhadmeatjello · 19/02/2022 20:40

I just think it’s a bit pathetic. I don’t make a big fuss of my birthday at all.
He doesn’t have a partner so I know it’s probably a bit lonelier for him on special occasions but he still has his close family and a big group of friends, it’s not like I’m all he has.

I haven’t replied yet as I’m too annoyed and like other posters have said I’ve got enough going on!

OP posts:
WomanStanleyWoman · 19/02/2022 20:40

He’s going over the top. I forgot my best friend’s birthday once. She jokingly reminded me; I apologised profusely; she laughed and said not to worry. That was the end of it.

I could maybe understand if no one had remembered (i.e. all his family somehow forgot too), but one friend forgetting when she’s having a nightmare time? He needs t get a grip.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 19/02/2022 20:40

If he is asking how you are going to make it up to him I'd say I easnt sure and ask him to remind you what he did to make it up to you that time he forgot your birthday

cuno · 19/02/2022 20:41

He needs to grow up.

Esspee · 19/02/2022 20:42

Is he gay by any chance? I only get that level of drama from gay friends.

Tsuni · 19/02/2022 20:45

Ask him when he's sending cards for all of your birthdays he forgot over the years.

HollaHolla · 19/02/2022 20:45

I genuinely don’t get grown adults making such a fuss of birthdays. Unless it’s a big one - there’s a get out of jail one there! 🤣

My best friend forgot my birthday last September - but it was right at the time her aunt died a grim death from cancer. I’m never going to bring it up, or hold a grudge. Her birthday is next month. I will be celebrating with her as usual.

Dishwashersaurous · 19/02/2022 20:46

I wonder if normally you are the only person who acknowledges his birthday. So when you didn't he had nothing.

That doesn't make it OK. But does make it more understandable

Scabetty · 19/02/2022 20:46

Single? Tell him you are preoccupied with your child and leave it at that.

WomanStanleyWoman · 19/02/2022 20:48

@Esspee

Is he gay by any chance? I only get that level of drama from gay friends.
Oh good - we’re playing offensive stereotype bingo…
Maray1967 · 19/02/2022 20:54

As PP said, remind him that he forgot your birthday one year and that you did not raise it with him. Make it clear to any of his friends who raise it as well.
My brother forgot my DS birthday one year when he had a lot going on - he remembered a week later. I wouldn’t have dreamed of raising it because I knew things were stressful for him.
Your friend is out of order.

Notlostjustexploring · 19/02/2022 21:06

My mum forgot my birthday one year. I found it funny. I get to cast it up to her from time to time.Grin

People forget stuff. He should get over it.

mummykel16 · 19/02/2022 21:16

When does he start high school?

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