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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To go out with friends and not be guilt tripped about it

42 replies

HallOfHearts · 19/02/2022 13:51

My husband's older son has had Covid so hasn't been here for a while (usually have 50:50).

He's here tonight for the first time in over a week so DH is obviously looking forward to it.

We'd (me and H, hadn't spoken to DSS about it) made some mumblings about getting a takeaway and watching a film later on with DSS once our toddler was in bed.

My Mum has just out of the blue asked if she can have toddler tonight, he's at her house this afternoon and she's asked if he can stay over which is fine for us!

My friends are going out this evening and I want to go given the last minute child free night from toddler Grin

H is pulling his face because he thinks I should be prioritising family night with SS who hasn't been here for a while and I'm going out next weekend anyway (I am but with a different friend to something that was booked ages ago). I always feel pressure from H in this sort of thing, like he expects me to be excited to see his son or something.

It sounds like a lot but in general I barely ever go out, it's just so happened that I have two opportunities one after the other.

AIBU to go anyway and leave H and SS to a night in together? Surely that's nice for them anyway.

OP posts:
NeverChange · 19/02/2022 13:54

It's a little strange that your partner wouldn't actually enjoy some one on one time with his son, especially if it doesn't happen often.

Go out and enjoy your night.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 19/02/2022 13:55

Of course you should go out! He can have dedicated father and son time - a better thing for dss surely?

Stickypace · 19/02/2022 13:55

Your step son hasn't been to your house for a week not a month! Your partner is being silly. Tell him to enjoy his father and son time whilst you go out. Have fun!

Original poster
HallOfHearts · 19/02/2022 13:58

@Stickypace

Your step son hasn't been to your house for a week not a month! Your partner is being silly. Tell him to enjoy his father and son time whilst you go out. Have fun!
I know! I get to H it's a long time when he's used to him being here a lot but it's hardly been months.

He's always very sensitive about perceived unwelcome-ness. Like if I don't want to spend the evening fawning over SS because he's not been here then I must hate him.

OP posts:
GiantHaystacks2021 · 19/02/2022 14:05

What a nob.
Tell him to jog on.

OneTiredMam · 19/02/2022 14:06

YANBU. Your husband can spend time with his own son, you don't need to be there and it's unreasonable to expect you too.

Luredbyapomegranate · 19/02/2022 14:08

Go out!

Why wouldn’t it be nice for h and as to spend an evening together.

Davros · 19/02/2022 14:08

Won't you see him for a while tomorrow? Go out, have fun

Original poster
HallOfHearts · 19/02/2022 14:12

@Davros

Won't you see him for a while tomorrow? Go out, have fun
It depends if I stay at my friends or not. SS is going back to mum's tomorrow for a few days. It's not actually our day today but he's been released from isolation so H wanted to see him tonight.
OP posts:
Catrice · 19/02/2022 14:15

Another one who thinks you should go out! Child free nights are so rare that definitely take advantage of this one! Can be a boy's night in for H and SS.

CrystalCoco · 19/02/2022 14:20

I used to get this all the time from my ex.

We had every other weekend, so on our child-free weekends ex would want us to be together and then if I dared think about going out when it was the kids weekend then I was the wicked step mother who didn't want to spend time with the kids.

Go, enjoy it and don't be guilt tripped.

He should relish some one on one time with his own son!

girlmom21 · 19/02/2022 14:21

If you weren't even supposed to be having DSS anyway then you're definitely not unreasonable.

Original poster
HallOfHearts · 19/02/2022 14:25

@girlmom21

If you weren't even supposed to be having DSS anyway then you're definitely not unreasonable.
No it's not the official contact day but I always knew if SS tested neg in time which he did yesterday then he'd come tonight as H wanted to see him asap.
OP posts:
peboh · 19/02/2022 14:26

Go out, enjoy yourself.
Your husband can have some one on one time with his kiddo, which would be nice for them after a break due to covid.

Viostep · 19/02/2022 14:50

It sounds like you made plans with your husband to have a takeaway and have a movie night, but now you've had a better offer you're ditching him. I can see why he is miffed to be honest, but also understand why you'd want to see your friends.

Do whatever you feel is right. I'm sure your husband and stepson will get over it and have a nice night anyway

StormyWindow · 19/02/2022 14:50

I actually think it's really important that you do go OP, don't allow the precedent to be set where you must do everything together because it always causes problems when that happens. You see it often on here and it always stems from the dad, they never seem to be able to see that it's far healthier for everyone for dad and DC to have time on their own and SM some time to themselves. I wish I had insisted when my DSC were little because I can tell you it's much harder to change things later down the line, you give in once and it quickly becomes expected.

FuckThatBullshit · 19/02/2022 14:52

There are so many of these drippy "family time" threads lately. Pass the bucket 🤮

toomuchlaundry · 19/02/2022 14:57

Can you only go out if someone looks after the toddler? Could you have not gone out with your friends unless your mum looked after the toddler. Couldn't your DH look after him?

tabulahrasa · 19/02/2022 15:01

Surely he’d like some one on one time with his dad anyway?

PinkSyCo · 19/02/2022 15:02

Your DH should be excited to have some rare one to one time with his DS. They can chose the takeaway and film between the two of them, and they won’t have to worry about being disturbed by a waking toddler. Sounds like heaven to me, I honestly don’t know what your DH’s moaning about. Go out and enjoy yourself OP.

Ionlydomassiveones · 19/02/2022 15:03

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 19/02/2022 15:04

YANBU! Your DSS will probably be glad to spend some one on one time with his dad (no offence to you at all by that, but my DS has a stepmum and I think he enjoys it when it's just him and his dad sometimes).

Go out and enjoy it!

DelphiniumBlue · 19/02/2022 15:05

DSS would probably much prefer a boys night in with just him and his dad.
I don't understand these men who never want to see their kids by themselves, why does he think DSS will always want you around? It changes the dynamic, and not in DSS's favour. He needs 1:1 time with his dad.

TigerLilyTail · 19/02/2022 15:09

@FuckThatBullshit

There are so many of these drippy "family time" threads lately. Pass the bucket 🤮
Right? And family time almost always equates to dad not wanting to be alone with his kids so expecting his partner to stay home with them.
rainbowandglitter · 19/02/2022 15:11

Why can you only go out if your mum has tour toddler? Can dh not look after him?